<p>Nothing can replace social interaction, but the boundless opportunities, the potential to build my knowledge base, and the judgement-free environment, make the internet a perfect place for a brief escape.</p>
<p>Its far-reaching resources allow me to expand my knowledge on subjects that I am passionate about, like business and politics, which are not taught beyond the basic fundamentals of a high school curriculum. </p>
<p>Participating in these debates is not only energizing, but it allows me to gain a plethora of new perspectives-- an experience second to none.</p>
<p>Nothing can replace social interaction, but the boundless opportunities, the potential to build my knowledge base, and the judgement-free environment {remove the comma here} make the internet a perfect place for a brief escape.</p>
<p>Its far-reaching resources allow me to expand my knowledge on subjects that I am passionate about, like {there’s nothing wrong with “like,” but it sounds a little casual. Consider “such as” instead} business and politics, which are not taught beyond the basic fundamentals of a high school curriculum.</p>
<p>Participating in these debates is not only energizing, but it {this is OK, but it’s more typical to add an “also” in there. Some versions would replace the but with a semicolon, thus: not only energizing; it also allows me . . . but I wouldn’t say there’s a huge preference either way} allows me to gain a plethora {not so long ago, the word “plethora” was reserved for situations where the writer described an overabundance; sadly, it’s been dumbed in recent decades; but older, more educated readers might notice the infelicity} of new perspectives-- {if you want to make an em dash more readable by putting a space after it, put a space before it too} an experience second to none. </p>
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<p>Having said all that, these sentences are awfully abstract. I hope that considered on the whole, your essay is more concrete. It might be a good idea to make these less high-falutin’ in general regardless. T26E4, who was writing while I was writing, has good advice also.</p>
<p>This probably won’t be too helpful, but I’d avoid ‘plethora’. It’s one of those ‘thesaurus words’-- it clearly indicates someone who is trying to impress with vocabulary, but doesn’t necessarily demonstrate actual proficiency in English. To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I saw ‘plethora’ use appear ‘natural’-- it always seems awkward and artificial.</p>
<p>Just a side note-- something I find about English and writing in general is that use of ‘big words’ is never impressive-- anyone can open a thesaurus. I’m impressed by writing that understands the nuance of English-- writing that uses words to truly paint a picture and makes use of the connotations of words as much as it uses their actual definitions. Perhaps you could call it idiomatic subtlety within writing, but I think it may be a little more than that…</p>
<p>Just something to think about. I’ll second WasatchWriter by suggesting that you remove some of the ‘big words’ and trite phrases and write more naturally.</p>
<p>Take this with a pinch of salt, though-- I am just a highschooler.</p>
<p>EDIT: Just fully read WasatchWriter’s post… That’s three hits on plethora… Sorry BTpoker </p>
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