<p>Exeter and other great boarding schools. Again, Exeter has no monopoly on giving a kid who deserves a C a C.</p>
<p>What I mean is Amy Chua is an extreme case of “Chinese mothers” (if there is such a uniform group of mothers called “Chinese mothers”) vs Exeter as an “extreme” case of rigorous boarding schools.</p>
<p>I guess I just don’t see Exeter as the one and only “extreme” case. There isn’t uniform agreement on that. Many BSs demand in the same ways, a lot from their students with Harkness methods and Saturday classes.</p>
<p>It’s a common perception that Exeter is arguably the most rigorous pressure cooker, which is not necessarily a compliment depending who you are, but I guess you are right - there is no proof that’s the case.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the book or this thread, but I thought some of you might be interested in this. It showed up on Phillips Academy’s FB wall:</p>
<p>“Has anyone read Amy Chua’s ‘Tiger Mom’ book yet? ABC’s Nightline was on campus today interviewing students for a related story. The piece is scheduled to air tonight at 11:30 p.m. EST, so tune in and share your own thoughts here!”</p>
<p>Here’s the Nightline piece:</p>
<p>[Tiger</a> Mom Amy Chua Says Her Controversial Book Is No Parenting ‘How-To Guide’ - ABC News](<a href=“'Tiger Mom' Didn't 'Expect This Level of Intensity' - ABC News”>'Tiger Mom' Didn't 'Expect This Level of Intensity' - ABC News)</p>
<p>SevenDad, the important difference is, Bill Gates chose his passion. It turned out well for him. </p>
<p>I’m not arguing against throwing oneself into a pursuit. If you want to reach the top levels of many activities, you must spend time at it. Music is particularly difficult, because so many people are competing for very few spots. I prefer children to develop their own passions, though.</p>
<p>[Daughter</a> of Amy Chua, who wrote ‘Why Chinese Mothers are Superior,’ responds to controversy - NYPOST.com](<a href=“http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/why_love_my_strict_chinese_mom_uUvfmLcA5eteY0u2KXt7hM/0]Daughter”>Why I love my strict Chinese mom)</p>
<p>^ one of her daughter’s POV on her mom.</p>
<p>More importantly, what happened at Andover? I have to admit I thought about watching the Nightline piece, but it aired too late for my tired eyes. Any rebuttals to tiger mom?</p>
<p>I watched it. Turned out it only had a glimpse of the campus then like one minute of a senior talking about how his mother parenting him, which is different from Amy Chua’s “Tiger Mother” model and is called “Lion Mother”. It’s not “interviewing some kids at Andover” at all!</p>
<p>I watched the piece–thought all the different animal mom labels were silly, but the piece offered a more balanced view of Chua, and made me think her book might be worth reading after all.</p>
<p>@Periwinkle: I would counter that many kids, left to their own devices, would not pursue any passion with anything approaching focus/serious dedication.</p>
<p>I had edited out a sentence in my Bill Gates’ post that I think some kids have a very strong internal drive and other kids need to be driven…while Chua’s example is certainly extreme, I agree with one of her husband’s statements in the NPR interview. He said something like “Many pursuits, like musical instruments and sports, aren’t really that fun until you have some level of expertise…and how does one build that expertise other than putting in practice? And, given the choice, most kids don’t want to practice. So it’s up to the parents to make them.”</p>
<p>@SevenDad, I like your comments, and I value your presence on CC. I’m fascinated by our differences in child raising philosophies, but please don’t take my comments as an attempt to win an argument. </p>
<p>What are the children sacrificing to clear three hours in their daily schedules for practice? Amy Chua was fairly clear on the sacrifices she (at least at first) required of her children. No play dates, no sleepovers, no theater. Neither t.v. nor videogames. Top marks in every academic subject–thus, hours of homework. No freedom of choice in extracurriculars. </p>
<p>You know, there are some deals I’m not willing to impose on my children. Adults value perfection. Children value fun. I don’t believe the argument that you’re only having fun once you’re an expert. To me, that’s a variation of the “It’s for your own good. You’ll thank me for it later” argument.</p>
<p>I’m not arguing for Summerhill. There are things children need to learn to do. They do need to do homework, and there are lots of things they wouldn’t put on their personal “must master” list. As they get older, though, they do need to learn how to navigate peer relationships. They need to learn how to operate without parental pressure. They need to organize their time effectively, and they need to learn to balance work and play.</p>
<p>Many will also need to learn how to find new interests, when it becomes clear that, despite maniacal practice throughout childhood, they aren’t the leading soccer player or violinist of their generation, or even their city. They need to be resilient enough to follow other interests. </p>
<p>For some reason, I’m thinking of Frost’s Birches. (To any students reading this, please follow the link, and read the whole thing.) There are many experiences I carry with me from my childhood. They help me to understand new things, somehow. I would like to offer my children a richness of experience, rather than a predetermined focus on accomplishment. I think they will be happier, and will be able to do more in the long run. Your opinion may differ, and that’s great. It’s a big world, and there’s room for more than one school of parenting–although the “animal mom” stuff is downright silly.</p>
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<p>[66</a>. Birches. Robert Frost. Modern American Poetry](<a href=“http://www.bartleby.com/104/66.html]66”>http://www.bartleby.com/104/66.html)</p>
<p>I think the bottom line for Chinese parenting to work is that you have to start with a competent parent. Same for other parenting styles. A screwball parent, regardless of the style, can screw up kids real quick. I don’t think it’s the style of parenting that matters as much as the parent’s commitment to make things work for the child. You get a high percentage of success stories with the Tiger and Lion parent styles, for example, because those are intentional choices and they involve a good deal of effort and diligence on the part of the parents. Right there you’ve weeded out slack parents. There are no slacker parents or self-absorbed parents going down that path. Other parents who have a knack for parenting might employ other styles and approaches just as conscientiously and intentionally and I bet they do okay. I think it’s the parent’s make-up and innate ability and willingness to work at it that’s the key. They’re the parents likely to choose the style that best suits who they are. And the outcomes are more attributable to them than they are attributable to a particular style. The problem with my view is that I could never sell one book touting it. My view has 0.08 utility to other parents. (The 0.08 comes from the fact that there’s some value, I think, to parents understanding that their instincts can serve them well and that they don’t need to be slaves to a manual or a paradigm that worked well for another, possibly differently-wired parent.)</p>
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<p>I agree–but if there weren’t any screwball parents, think of the loss to the memoir genre!</p>
<p>The Wall Street Journal again: [Larry</a> Summers vs. the Tiger Mom - WSJ.com](<a href=“http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703956604576109962171060504.html]Larry”>http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703956604576109962171060504.html). Yes, you read that correctly, Larry Summers vs. the Tiger Mom.</p>
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<p>That’s a garbage argument. Giving two examples out of thousands that graduate from Harvard is the exception, not the rule. Moreover, LS has no clue about BG or MZ’s moms, whether they are tiger moms or not. People are forgetting the fact that there could be Tiger Dads. Also BG and MZ are not C students. This is a loose talk with no hard evidence coming from an ex-Harvard president. Oh yes, Ex-. I wish I could make these kinds of comments and make a living out of it. It sure looks like I can, if only I knew how to talk c**p.</p>
<p>I just finished reading Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, and although many find its content controversial, I found the book extremely intriguing. It was fascinating to get an inside and up-close look at Chinese parenting. Many of my Chinese friends have always spoken of their parents’ strict rules and methods, but none of them have ever recounted their experiences as in-depth as Amy Chua does. I found it very difficult to pry my mind away from the book.</p>
<p>I felt that my work ethic seemed to be put to shame after reading of her daughters’ hard work. However, I am inspired by their diligence, whether it was voluntary or not. Although it is a vast understatement to say that Chua’s daughters were not always happy to comply to her rules, the daughters later admit that their mother’s “pushing” eventually proved beneficial.</p>
<p>Once in while, I find myself dreading the rigorous level of work that I have to complete, but these testimonies motivate me by reminding me that grueling work is often the only way to reap success; and the feeling of conquering something difficult is so fulfilling that it makes up for the extreme amount of effort that I put forth every day.</p>
<p>I just thought it might be interesting for some parents to see the book from a teenager’s perspective. Hope you all enjoyed what I have to say!</p>
<p>Through the bs grapevine, I heard about two asian students who were kicked out of bs for cheating on the SATs. All I could think, following this discussion, was that they must have been under a lot of pressure to succeed.</p>
<p>I would only assume that the story, if true, references two students who thought they found a quick-n-dirty road to a higher score. It would be difficult for me to assign motive, knowing nothing else about these people other than the fact that they are (were) Asian students.</p>
<p>Amy Chua takes great care to say “Chinese Mothers” come from all ethnic backgrounds.</p>
<p>The boys involved in this incident were not asian, as far as I know:
[From</a> the Archives: “Our Sons Have Something To Say” - News & Features (washingtonian.com)](<a href=“From the Archives: “Our Sons Have Something To Say” - Washingtonian”>From the Archives: “Our Sons Have Something To Say” - Washingtonian).</p>