<p>In our family the expectation is paying forward. This means my parents did what they could (I still don’t know how I made it through college financially given the family finances, even with various scholarships and later had medical school loans). We could and did pay for son’s education (H and my educations translated into highly paid work). The expectation is that if son has kids he will provide as best as he can for them (he gets his inheritance eventually). My father lives a frugal lifestyle and we can’t do half of what we would wish for him (my mother died decades ago). Despite not getting along with my father on many issues we do agree on this concept.</p>
<p>It is indeed alarming how little most folks have saved toward retirement (add to that the hit investments have taken in both the stock market and real estate market). Many folks have no job security (especially as they get older & have more difficulty getting hired) as well and no idea how long their current job will remain available or when they will be forced out because the job is eliminated. A talk with your folks might help enlighten you as to whether this plays a role in your dad’s mention to you that your educational costs need to be repaid and perhaps help with an adjustment in your attitude and expectations.</p>
<p>katliamom - valid point, unfortunately I know of families in the situation you have described. However, my parents have made my siblings and I very aware that we do not and will not ever “keep up with the Joneses” for the reasons you have described. When my brothers and I suggested we get a new car, a nice vacation, or new cell phones, my parents would remind us that that paying the mortgage, living debt free from credit cards, and saving for retirement and education are more important. They believe that the recession was caused by the millions of people living beyond their means. With that being said, I am surprised that I am being asked to reimburse them. I’ve worked hard for good scholarships and I’ll pay what I can, but the expectation that I eventually pay for everything was unexpected.</p>
<p>ctate94, even if other parents do pay for their kid’s college tuition and expenses, your parents aren’t required to do the same. College is not something you just experience … the purpose is to prepare you for the next stage in your life, which usually entails a job or grad school. Your dad is making you appreciate this opportunity, which not all kids have. When I went to college, my dad said that we would pay for any college tuition that was in state, so I thanked him and picked the best in-state school that we had. I paid for my own grad school and never even expected him to cover that, and when I worked an engineering co-op, I paid for all living expenses those quarters. </p>
<p>Some parents “loan” their kids college tuition and expenses, and the student pays it back, other parents “loan” their kids college tuition and expenses, and if the student meets certain criteria (could be GPA, could be getting a summer job) then the “loan” doesn’t have to be repaid.</p>
<p>Talk to your parents, find out the full range of expectations and write them down. If you don’t agree with the terms your dad has stated, then you don’t have to accept his loan, especially since you at least have a scholarship at the in-state choice.</p>
<p>My DH had to repay his parents for the cost of his college, and the cost of the down payment they lent us for our first house - both zero interest loans. I was more than okay with that - I was pleased for their generosity towards my husband at a time when he needed the money and glad to pay them back when we were doing okay financially. </p>
<p>IMHO, I think a zero or low interest loan for college with flexible repayment (eg. not for the first five years after graduation or not until a certain salary is made) is a viable way for parents to balance the needs of retirement savings with paying for education. Parents take on the possibility that the child will never make enough salary to repay the loan, but get some return on their investment if the child reaches or surpasses their own standard of living. Holding the loan on the books for decades until the money is ever needed is also a way to help deflate marital pressure on a child not to contribute to the well-being of the other’s parents if they need help - if the money was to repay a loan, it would be a responsibility. As for my own children, I do not expect them to repay us for college as it appears we have enough retirement savings, but do expect them to be a financial backstop if DH and I ever need one - but their future spouses would have a lot of input into that decision. </p>
<p>As for repaying our zero-interest loan for a down payment on his first house, DS is 60% done as of the check he wrote us yesterday.</p>
<p>Our take on it is a little different, we are lucky that my in-laws funded educational trusts for each of my kids soon after they were born. Because of solid growth and careful, conservative investing, the trusts will cover just about 4 years of in-state tuition and fees by college-time. We plan to pay the rest depending on where the kids go–I’m not willing to pay top dollar for a mediocre school but would definitely contribute to a “good enough” school. If they get merit money or go to very cheap (ie, CC for first two years), more power to them and they get to keep what is left over in the trust or use it for grad school. The expectation on H and me is to do the same for our grandchildren some day. It is a lot cheaper to fund at or near birth and carefully invest for the next 18 years… especially when the money that would otherwise have been used to save for kids’ college has gone into our retirement funds!</p>
<p>My parents often joke about me repaying all the expenses they’ve spent on me including my college fees, which totals to a number that will induce a heart attack.
While I will try to repay as much as possible, I don’t think it is humanly possible. I am just grateful and thank them for being such loving and generous parents.</p>
<p>Cstate, your parents are clearly very responsible financially. Maybe they believe in teaching YOU financial responsibility by asking you to repay the costs of your education. I understand how that could be upsetting, especially if in your circles, kids expect, and are getting, a ‘free ride’ from their parents. Maybe you can deal with this reality by looking at it the way parentoftwo did/does: they’re offering you an open-ended, zero percent loan. It could be worse.</p>
<p>Another positive, if it takes longer than expected, they won’t report you to the credit bureaus and wreck your credit rating!</p>
<p>* My parents and I have discussed that sacrifices will have to be made if I choose to go out of state. Because I had chosen more expensive options over cheaper in state, I will pay a larger percentage. </p>
<p>But even if I forgo Clemson or Auburn in lieu of more economical schools like ASU or UofA, I’ll still be expected to repay their portion(despite full tuition scholarships). With the major emphasis my parents have placed on the both of us saving for college, I’m surprised that I’ll be expected to shoulder the entire cost in the long run, even after turning down my desired schools.*</p>
<p>Fine…but if you take the full tuition scholarship to your instate school, then you’d only be expected to repay a comparably much smaller amount…the cost of room, board, and books. That’s a LOT less than OOS tuition, room, board, and books. </p>
<p>And, you could always work during the summers and pay for books and meal plan yourself, so you’d only end up owing for your dorm.</p>
<p>And, can’t you commute to either ASU or UA? If so, that also could be an issue. Your parents may not want to pay for R&B when they know that you could commute.</p>
<p>I think mom2collegekids is bringing up important back history here regarding the OPs college search and desires. OP, your parents may very well have decided to have you pay for school after unsuccessfully trying to explain to you why they were unwilling to pay for an OOS public when you have a good in-state option. They have taken the road of totally giving you the choice, but making the financial responsibility eventually yours. The other option they could have taken, and many parents do, is to simply refuse to pay for OOS and not give you the option at all. They are trying to give you the freedom, hoping you will see, when it’s your own money you are spending, that there are possibly better decisions to be made. I could be wrong, but this is what I’m seeing as a strong possibility.</p>
<p>FWIW, we have excellent in-state schools and if our kids went OOS they are/were required to find schools they could get merit/FA that made the school equal to or less than our in-state options. This was made very clear to them starting in early high school so there were no surprises. We were always very up front. I tried very hard to facilitate their search and act as a parter in helping them find schools OOS that would offer merit aid/scholarships to add as options in their college search. The point wasn’t to limit their options, but be open and reasonable about what we could pay for.</p>
<p>Where I went to college, the mix was about 50-50 “day-hop” vs. resident student. There was some movement among the groups - some spent only their first year on campus, then lived at home, while others did a different mix - my senior year roommate commuted for three years, but lived on campus that last year because she wanted the experience.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Nicely put!</p>
<p>Also, none of us know how financially responsible you are. None of us know whether they are afraid of how you’ll behave in college, and don’t want to waste their money. None of us know whether they expect that you will do better in school or put more work into it if you “have some skin in the game.” None of us know about your relationship with your parents.</p>
<p>Every family is different.</p>
<p>Well it is certainly better to know this up front. This used to be the norm, parents didn’t neccessarily pay for college, but it was alot cheaper then. Hard for us to tell if they think it’s a big burden on them with retirement coming up, savings depleted, or they just think they’re teaching you a lesson in personal responsibility. Though it’s hard not to be somewhat resentful if you feel they can easily afford it and every other parent you know is paying for it.</p>
<p>Who knows if this is just what they’re feeling at the moment, if for some reason they are upset with you, or if they will insist upon it. How many parents have given large loans, knowing they won’t be repaid. I would merely make plans accordingly, knowing this is the hand they are dealing you, and so be it. Plenty of kids get no assistance from their parents for whatever reason, but that sure doesn’t make it easier for you.</p>
<p>My son knows that it is his responsibility to maintain the GPA necessary for his tuition scholarship and that if he does not do so he will have to take out loans to pay his tuition. We are paying all his other expenses. You have to consider your parents’ other responsibilities such as sending your siblings to college and retirement. If your parents can afford to pay for your tuition or expenses, recognize that it is a precious gift, not an obligation.</p>
<p>op… you seem to have had detailed discussions about your college choices and the amount you will have to contribute…but you say your D “mentioned in passing” the repayment of money…perhaps he was not as serious as you believe… either way…perhaps you should actually sit down with him and see what his terms are, what his expectations are, rather than worrying about it here, without all the necessary information.</p>
<p>Our kids are responsible for 1/2 of their tuition. They have ‘earned’ a significant portion of their share via the merit scholarship THEY earned. They’ll need to maintain an appropriate GPA to maintain their side of the bargain. We pick up room and board as well. They ‘pay us back’ by becoming responsible adults.</p>
<p>If they were to have insisted on a school that we considered comparable but did not receive any financial aid, we’d need to have a ‘chat’. The money is not without limitations. Both attend (or will shortly attend) well regarded private universities.</p>
<p>We know several kids whose parents made it very clear from the get-go that they were “on their own” for college. These kids have solved the issue by:</p>
<p>Taking an ROTC scholarship.</p>
<p>Living at home for two years while attending CC and working, then transferring to an instate public university. </p>
<p>Living at home while working full time nights and weekends at a car dealership and commuting to a nearby public university.</p>
<p>After completely failing most classes due to having way too much fun, one young man lived at home and worked full time until he had earned enough to fully pay for one semester of tuition, room, board and books at our state flagship. That money was kept in an account for the remaining time it took the young man to graduate, with the understanding that it would be used to repay his parents if there was a repeat of his failed semester. In the meantime his parents paid forhis college costs as long as he earned decent grades. When he graduated they gave him the money, with interest.</p>
<p>Most of us here on CC have pretty strong feelings about doing what we can to pay for our children’s college expenses, but out in the rest of the world it isn’t terribly unusual for parents to attach strings, or ask kids to shoulder some costs.</p>
<p>I really appreciate the solutions that have been offered. However, my parents have also expressed that they will not allow me to attend community college first, and I cannot live at home. They are very set on me attending a four year institution and having “the dorm experience”.</p>