<p>Excellent, Olymom!</p>
<p>(Are you in Olympia? I heard it’s been really cold down there the last few evenings. I spent a summer working at the capitol.)</p>
<p>It makes you just crazy to think that you are begging a school to take your $50,000. Legacy means nothing anymore to these schools. It is who you know that matters.</p>
<p>MimiKat, I’m so sorry for your D! And I can’t believe they would reject her outright. How cruel!</p>
<p>Thank you for being brave enough to post the follow up. It helps the rest of us to hear the stories, good and bad. It makes it easier to support the others who are rejected, knowing that these schools are seemingly arbitrary in their admissions decisions.</p>
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<p>I agree. I feel so for these kids but the schools, parents, CC…they all fuel and promote it. It actually outrages me that so many think this is normal and all fine about how it goes. Almost like a badge of honor to be ‘freaked out’. </p>
<p>Something is very very seriously wrong. The 4.0 kids are freaking out most because many of them were very likely freaking out for many years, under much pressure and anxiety, and wrapping their sense of esteem and self-worth in this nonsense.</p>
<p>Mimikat – I’m sorry that your daughter did not get into her dream school. I know its hard for you to see her so upset, and to have to try to console her.</p>
<p>That being said – I want to tell you (as the parent): Columbia is NOT a good place for students who are not highly resilient. It is a highly competitive, intense academic environment without a whole lot in the way of structural emotional support systems. It’s an excellent University academically, but short on warm fuzzy stuff. My d’s at Barnard, so basically we’ve got a pretty close view, along with the detachment of being able to contrast Columbia with Barnard’s slightly more emotionally supportive culture and somewhat stronger advising system. As a parent, based on what I know of Columbia, I wouldn’t want to see a kid who has difficulty rolling with the punches there. </p>
<p>It may be that your daughter is just reacting to the stress and peer pressure of the college application year, but a student who is crying inconsolably for 3 hours over a college rejection probably would be at risk at an environment like Columbia’s – I’d think she would do much better at a LAC or a college with a more supportive overall culture. </p>
<p>I hope you don’t misunderstand me – I am sure that your daughter has the intelligence and talent to do well at any college, including Columbia. But there are also kids who go off to college and have a tough time dealing with various setbacks along the way. I don’t think any parent wants to see their kid having a nervous breakdown or becoming depressed or suicidal while at college – and there are some issues with Columbia coupled with Manhattan culture that make it hard for people who don’t have the ability to shrug off their setbacks and move on. </p>
<p>So I’m simply trying to say to you, as a parent – that this very well may be for the best. There ARE many colleges, including top schools like Brown or Stanford, that have a much more relaxed culture that might be a better place for your daughter. I think most of the women’s colleges would be good options – and of course your d. might seriously consider Barnard if she really has her heart set on living in Morningside Heights and taking classes on the Columbia campus.</p>
<p>Regarding comments such as: I can’t believe they would reject her outright. How cruel! -I’m wondering what these schools are thinking outright rejecting a double legacy in range - Legacy means nothing anymore to these schools. It is who you know that matters. —</p>
<p>Columbia has an extremely competitive, selective admissions process. It is a lot easier for a strong student to get rejected by Columbia than accepted. </p>
<p>If you are in a highly competitive process, then you can’t take rejection personally – they select a few, pass over the rest, and that’s just the way it works.</p>
<p>I always felt that it was very helpful that my daughter was involved in performing arts from a very young age – I remember taking her to an open call audition when she was about 3 where there were hundreds of people lined up with their kids. That’s the first “rejection” that I remember… I think we went out for ice cream after they told us to go home. </p>
<p>She never went to an audition <em>expecting</em> to get a role. <em>Hoping</em> – yes. But <em>expecting</em>, no. If there’s someone else competing against you, then there is always a possibility that whoever does the choosing will like that someone else better, for whatever reason. </p>
<p>It’s definitely NOT about “who you know” – and “legacy” is no more important than any other criteria; it certainly does not give an individual any right to assume they will be admitted. </p>
<p>Of course it is disappointing – but Columbia and other Ivies do not make a judgment based on an applicant’s qualifications. For every 1 student they accept, they probably turn away half a dozen equally well “qualified” students (and 3 or 4 other not-so-qualified students). </p>
<p>I can understand feelings of anger and a need to understand “why” when someone is inexplicably rejected from their safety – it happens, and it definitely is hard to understand why a student with high end grades is turned away from a college that accepts the majority of its applicants. But on the most selective end of the scale – at the Ivies - you can’t look at it that way, any more than you would spend time wondering why the numbers you pick in the lottery every week never seem to come up.</p>
<p>Wow…some girl’s not smart enough to get into Columbia and the parents are up in arms about the…“cruelty” ? </p>
<p>Unbelievable. The world is engulfed in poverty, famine, war, etc. and families are getting worked up because their kid wasn’t competitive enough to make the cut at Columbia. At least the girl will get a shot at a good school. It may not be Columbia but with her stats she’ll have a first class undergraduate education somewhere else no doubt. Both this thread creator and her daughter need to get their priorities in order.</p>
<p>I doubt “how smart” she is had anything to do with not getting into Columbia. I find that statement to be unnecessary. The truth is, kids do get disappointed and hurt, and I’m sure this young woman worked hard for years to achieve her goal. Every parent I know feels the pain as much or more than their child. It doesn’t matter “at this moment” that she will undoubtably end up at a great school, be very happy, and perform brilliantly.</p>
<p>Being stressed and hurt will not solve anything. Got to learn to appreciate what you have and be happy with it. It is not life and death decision, thank goodness, we are not talking about surviving fatal desease or something of this nature. I tell this to my D. every time she has to make decision or confronted with decision that is made for her. It should be used as very valuable lesson to learn to control your emotions when you have no control over other aspects (like getting into your #1 school). We have talked it over and over before it actually happened. It has been very helpful.</p>
<p>Mimikat-- cyber hugs to you. There is just no way to make the doubts and sadness go away except to wallow for a few hours, feel lousy, get dehydrated with so much crying, and then take a hot shower and get back to life.</p>
<p>So I hope you’ve got some cookies in the oven and have planned for a little “be good to us” time this weekend, and then back to work on finishing those other applications.</p>
<p>It stinks, it stinks, but it will get better.</p>
<p>OP, sorry for your family’s disappointment. I know that it must especially sting from your alma mater.<br>
I would like to pass on some advice that I got from my mom years ago, which I hope helps. I was like your D in that when I got bad news, I tended to go to pieces (then not now.) Mom asked me to consider whether some rejection would prevent me from achieving my goal (at that time I thought I was rejected from Law Review). Of course it would not, and a rejection from Columbia will not prevent your D from having a great experience at college. Two days later, I did get accepted to Law Review, but all the pre crying had really taken alot of the joy out of it. A real lesson for me. Not to go on too much, but that conversation two days later was the last time I ever spoke to my Dad. He died of a heart attack the next night. Wow. After that I really learned to be strong.</p>
<p>Surviving disappointment does build character - even if it sounds trite. It is not for anyone else to evaluate whether your D’s disappointment is trivial compared to others. Suffering is suffering, and should not really be compared, and yes, I am sure that she is suffering. I was rejected by HYP years ago, and life went on. Yes it was a different life, but who is to say which would have been better? Remember another poet, Robert Frost (from memory, so forgive me if I misquote):</p>
<p>I chose the the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.</p>
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<p>Wow! I’m sure that as a Columbia alum, Mimikat has proposed that her D consider this, but it could be very fortunate to have the Barnard option. It’s part of Columbia, it’s part of the campus, one can eat at either place, live at either place, play at either place. And if D were a S, that option wouldn’t be there!</p>
<p>mimikat - I thought about you and your daughter last night and I was hoping for a happy outcome. I am really sorry and it must hurt. We hurt a lot more when our kids are hurt. When D1 was deferred by Columbia, she didn’t want to consider Barnard (not because it’s not a great school), but the thought of having to be reminded of the rejection for 4 years would be hard. </p>
<p>D1 also thought Columbia was the perfect school for her, but she is now at a school as different as you could get from Columbia and she loves it. I think it was worst D1 was deferred instead of outright rejection because it was harder for her to move on. Your daughter clearly has great stats and could get into some great schools. Now she knows there is no possibility for Columbia, she’ll be able to focus more on her RD applications. Come April she’ll have more options than her friends who only have one option, at that time they’ll be jealous of her. </p>
<p>Cyber hugs to you and your daughter. I only cried after putting D1 to bed. I was also mentally exhausted. Take care of yourself.</p>
<p>Oh man, nobody tells us in lamaze class that the ensuing years of hoping for our kids will lead to a few nights of inconsolable disappointment, and that it will feel so much more painful than it ever felt when it was “us.” I’m sure your D will end up somewhere really great, but it isn’t going to take the sting out, probably not til April…</p>
<p>I’m with you on her going to school right away. It’s the right move, though I know it feels heartless to get her up and march her out the door this morning. Good luck to you both.</p>
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<p>First, I’m a little surprised at some of the rather heartless responses posted after this. To me, this is a tough one and is a poster child for why there is so much stress about acceptances. </p>
<p>I took a look at Naviance for my son’s school. The average was 3.63 G.P.A. (scale 4.0 max) with a 2112 average score for acceptances into Columbia. Admittedly, this average was weighed down a bit by an obvious athletic recruit but in a limited sample there will always be variances. The school’s kids have received two acceptances like clockwork for the last three years running. Checking another area school they had 2 - 2- 1 for the last three years. The average acceptance from the other school (scale 4.5 max) was 4.01 g.pa. and 2198 score. It’s quite possible that other talented kids with great stats from your school were chosen over your daughter. </p>
<p>Couple other things to note from the two schools I checked. Columbia is NOT a big deferral type school. The vast majority were flat out rejections versus deferrals. Also, all but one kid from both schools accepted (the athlete) applied regular versus early decision. </p>
<p>All of that being said, like others, I’m pretty shocked that a kid with acceptable stats with double legacy parents was not (at least) deferred. That’s a hard pill to swallow.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to read your update, OP. I can understand your daughter’s (and your) disappointment. I hope she has a few runners-up that won’t feel too much like a consolation prize.</p>
<p>OP,
I am so sorry to hear about the decision. Time to take a few mental health days and encourage her to forget college apps for few days. Do something silly and fun. She sounds like she is an outstanding student and I know she will have some excellent choices in April. And by this time next year, she will be thriving!</p>
<p>Sorry to read about your D’s rejection. Thank you for taking the time to provide follow-up. I think it is a good reality check for many of the people who read this thread. Amazing applicants do get rejected in the early round. </p>
<p>After reading this thread I am now freaking out about the possibility that my D will get rejected outright next Tuesday. I am prepared for deferral and so is my D, a rejection in December is going to sting! Especially if some other kids she knows are accepted.</p>
<p>It is the completely capricious nature of the whole process that makes it so incredibly stressful. The comparison to performing arts auditions is a good one. Except, that in performing arts, the kids get to crowd into a room with the hundred other applicants so it probably makes it that much easier to realize how small your odds are going in.</p>
<p>There are many on C.C who look down upon students and parents who aspire to get into top colleges. I do not appreciate their attitude. I believe a kid should choose colleges that are a good fit, and then apply, without being too intimidated by the low acceptance rates. I have far more respect for a kid that is willing to risk humiliation in her quest for the right college than one who never applies, just because she doesn’t want to be disappointed. So what if the kid ‘freaks out’ at some point in the process- nothing ventured, nothing gained.</p>
<p>Good luck to your D for the regular round, OP. Would you be kind enough to come back and let us know in April what her eventual acceptances turn out to be? I am sure it will be a happier follow-up.</p>
<p>So sorry for the heartache. I take so much from this as how to console our kids. I know I am too caught up in this process as a parent and this forum helps put it in perspective–at least for me. One other thing to consider–girls are at a total disadvantage in college admissions–most schools are 60/40. I know that may not take out the sting, but just a thought. Also, my daughters friend with a double legacy and a sibling in the school now got rejected by Cornell yesterday-- they were totally shocked. I think the worst thing was that all of her friends now are second guessing their ed outcomes. I try to keep telling myself that this too will pass!</p>
<p>OP, I’m so sorry your D has had to feel the sting of this disappointment. My D, too, was rejected outright from my alma mater 3 years ago. It hurts, a lot. No, its not life threatening nor does it reach the level of a national disaster, but hey, these are our kids, and young ones at that. For some, whether it’s right or wrong, this is the first time they have not succeeded at something they have worked very hard, for a very long time, to achieve. And if it is any consolation, my D is attending a school that she loves, feels in some ways has been a better fit, and doesn’t ever wonder, “what if?”. For now, lots of hugs, reassurance that the decision is not about her as a person, and in our case, a large hot fudge sundae, work wonders. Give her a few days. If the HS has all the paperwork they need to complete her RD apps, then she will get the applications done in time. Don’t worry. Let her process the hurt, then she’ll be able to move on. Many hugs to you both…</p>