My kid is currently a first year at a mid-west LAC, music-ed major. From what I know (understand this is her side of the story), she and her voice instructor hit the point of “irreconcilable differences” because he uses unnecessary tags in storytelling - ie, “two black guys” or “these gay guys” when those tags have nothing to do with the story and no other character tags are offered. When she finally dared to bring up the fact that this makes her uncomfortable, he apparently jumped straight to the defensive, because he has black friends “who are doing quite well for themselves,” and that her generation is always looking to be offended. My understanding is that they were shouting at each other by the end of this exchange - and if you knew my kid, you would know that this extremely out of character. He also went so far as to attack her for previously mentioning her “lesbian girlfriend” (which was in context appropriate due to the piece of music she was being assigned and discussion around it that they were having - not to mention that it was her ‘coming out’ to him as other than straight). On top of this, he told her that if he talked about any of this to anyone the department, he would “have to tell his side” of the story.
Kid did not want this to be a big thing because that’s who she is, and she would never go to a social media or even a local campaign against the instructor. Nor did she want a he-said/she-said within the department, presuming that as freshman student she would lose. But she immediately withdrew herself from lessons. Because lessons are required for both her major and scholarship, this is an issue - when she contacted him again he said wasn’t comfortable continuing. Fortunately, after meeting with the voice coordinator and the mulit-cultural affairs office, she will receive a passing grade for this term and be “on probation” for her music scholarship this coming term, but will be assigned to a new studio.
Mama bear wants to destroy this instructor - my kid is on probation because you’re a bigoted idiot??? Please talk me down, and also let me know if there I things I can/should do if her talent scholarship reduces or disappears in upcoming years.
Well I don’t understand how this all works in music departments, but I would have her contest the probation. I imagine this guy’s behavior has not gone unnoticed. And I don’t like the veiled threat that she needs to keep quiet about it. Does she have an advisor she could talk to about this?
@cmb1828 I would let your daughter handle this herself, she is an adult now and college is the time when they need to take over handling their own problems. She said she didn’t want to make this a big thing. It sounds like the school is going to assign her to another studio, she will get another voice instructor, and once she starts lessons again, her scholarship will no longer be on probation. If that is the case, I’d follow your daughter’s lead on this.
If your daughter changes her mind and wants to launch a formal protest, support her in that effort for sure.
This is where we are theses days. I think she should pick her battles and this was not a battle to have. Now what’s done is done. She should focus on her schooling, music, and future.
He’s not bigoted just because he mentions “two black friends”. While his reaction might have been out of proportion, honestly, I would be annoyed too if I had to teach in an atmosphere of being continuously called out for things like this that don’t have anything inherently offensive in them (and I’m very liberal).
And the prof is a bigot. He should have mentioned that he had 2 friends who happen to be black instead of having ‘black friends.’ A friend is a friend regardless of race.
And no need to mention ‘gay guys’ either. The prof is either tone deaf or overtly prejudiced.
@hamurtle Whether the teacher is or isn’t a bigot isn’t clear from what we’ve heard here. People use descriptive terms sometimes to help the listener visualize something. It’s not always meant to be derogatory. Someone who is a bigot says things because they mean to hurt. We weren’t there when this happened, so we don’t really know. If you are talking about going to a restaurant that serves soul food, stating your two friends were black might be saying that their opinion about the quality of the food may carry more weight. Similar to going to an Italian restaurant with your Roman friend would imply the same thing. No idea if that is what happened here. He could be a bigot, or he’s just tone deaf. I hate to make judgements about what is going on in some other person’s head. Telling someone they are a bigot because you don’t like a word choice is likely going to impact your relationship, though. That is surely a given.
What we do know is that after the argument happened between the student and the teacher, the student withdrew herself from lessons. It seems at some point after that she discovered it impacted her scholarship, and she reached out again to the teacher. The teacher was not comfortable taking her back.
This is where she is now. The school is allowing her a probation period to get herself another voice instructor. I would say as long as the daughter is ok with that, what’s done is done.
Is it worth a lawsuit over bigotry? Probably not. The teacher did not kick her out, the girl withdrew. He opted not to take her back. The lawsuit would be an attempt to force him to, correct? I would not want to be forced to teach someone who clearly thought I was a bigot, either.
Do I understand that she asked prof to be taken back and then rebuffed? (If so, she’s already made many decisions as to what she wants already and how she views the prof as a whole.)
Is he the “best” voice teacher or for some reason she’d rather keep him as an instructor? It’s her education and career goals at stake–I’d want the best despite obstacles. Maybe this was an unforeseen blip in her eyes.
If so, she should ask him again. Being rebuffed once does not mean a second rejection. She has nothing to lose for a second ask if that’s what she wants. Anger fades for most.
He probably doesn’t want conflict and that is something that can be “negotiated”.
Despite the subject line, we don’t know if prof is a bigot. Two black men vs men who happened to be black is not a distinction that determines whether one is a bigot or not. Clearly the student and prof are not a good fit for each other and I wouldn’t recommend her asking to be accepted as his student a second time. Given that her dropping the lessons puts her on probation, she should focus on getting along well with the next instructor.
“my kid is on probation because you’re a bigoted idiot???”
I haven’t seen anything posted that confirms the professor is bigoted. I’m not saying he is or isn’t just nothing posted to support that statement.
Based on what was posted ‘your kid’ is not on probation, her scholarship is on probation. It was her choice to withdraw from lessons without checking how it would affect her scholarship. Therefore, your daughters scholarship is on probation based on her decisions not his.
“My understanding was that they were shouting at each other”
If this event turned into a shouting match I am going to guess that regretful things were said by both parties. Again choices made by your daughter. Choosing to stay and get into a shouting match instead of walking away. I’m sure that the shouting match and the things that were said are all playing a role on why he is not comfortable re-enrolling her in the lessons. Again, a risk she took by making a rash decision to withdraw without thinking about and understanding all of the repercussions.
I’m thankful that your daughter will receive a passing grade and will get a chance to regain her scholarship next semester. I think their are many lessons that can be learned from this event.
It doesn’t seem to me as though this student was looking to be offended. (Nor are young people generally, so I disagree with the stereotyping above.) She was bothered by the prof’s comments, she put up with them for awhile, then she decided to talk to him about the issue.
Letting it devolve into shouting was a bad choice for both participants.
Ending the educational relationship (i.e., between this instructor and this student) seems wise. The educational experience probably would be tainted if they stayed together.
The student may wish to develop a thicker skin in the future. Her co-workers, and others, are likely to use short hand of physical characteristics or traits to refer to people. It is done across racial and ethnic boundaries and in all cultures.
I kinda think she needs to decide “if this is the hill she wants to die on.” It’s an expression that asks us to think before we rush in.
And I think we ALL could benefit from exploring the ways we stereotype, draw lines, make assumptions. (Happens all the time on CC with respect to others.) As said, we don’t know if the prof is a bigot, only that he might reexamine his need to qualify people he discusses by race or other realities. In fact, in practice, he may not be a bigot. But OP is sure. Ready to “destroy him.” ?
Calling him a bigot may in fact be just as much an issue, a rush to judgment, a simplistic label, an us/them. Maybe, a little self righteous.
“Kid did not want this to be a big thing,” but she did make it one…and " she immediately withdrew herself from lessons." Now the fallout re the $$.
Yep, introspection and developing a thick skin are both good things to engage in or do. It’s also important to realize that engaging in shouting matches is rarely a good idea. The behavior outshadows the question of who is “right” or “wrong,” especially when there is a power imbalance. An employee who shouts at a supervisor is probably going to get fired, right or wrong.
The instructor sounds like he is low-key bigoted, but likely not even aware of the fact. I do, however, find him to have failed as an instructor, because he reverted to “gotcha” tactics against a student, threatened her, and overall behaved as though they were peers, rather than instructor and student. Had he been a decent instructor, he would have responded that he does not think that he is bigoted, and he is sorry that his behavior made her feel that way. He then should have offered to move her to another instructor or proposed another way to reach some place that is more comfortable.
Is he bigoted? Maybe. Is he a crappy instructor? Definitely. I would support action against him for the latter, rather than the former, assuming that the student’s description is reasonably accurate
She should still have set up her alternatives before she withdrew. She also could likely have done a better job at bringing her concerns to the instructor. Being idealistic is great, but you should be smart as well.
Your kid is on probation because she chose to withdraw from an activity that is required for her to maintain her scholarship without making alternative arrangements.
Those comments don’t sound to me as if he is a bigoted racist - just based on the excerpts provided, but I am a Boomer and have Boomer sensibilities. He may actually be all that the OP’s D thinks he is or he may not, but that is not the issue any longer.
If the professor’s comments offended the D so much, she could have gone to the department chair and requested a change of teachers, explaining her sensibilities if necessary. I think that if the discussion devolved into a shouting match, the pairing was not ultimately a good one and I also think that the professor is right not to continue to work with her. My D has taken voice lessons and other music lessons and the nature of the relationship is that both parties have to respect and trust each other, even if they may not like each other. I think that is not possible here any longer.
Since the D is getting another instructor and another chance, I don’t know that this would be the hill to die on, as someone upstream said. The probation is probably a discipline for unilaterally withdrawing from the classes and not for the argument with the instructor.
Since I didn’t actually answer your query - no, you don’t do anything. Even if the instructor is bigoted, and even though he’s a crappy instructor, your D is an adult, and should fight her own battles. You can advise, and help with recommendations, and if something goes legal, you can help her find a lawyer. You should not speak to anybody at the college, especially not the instructor or the Head of Department.
It’s hard to let go and allow our kids to face life as adults, when we still want to protect them, but that is what’s required if we want adults, instead of perpetual children.
Arguing over the placement of an adjective? It’s often said that the fights in the academy are so vicious precisely because the stakes are so low. So glad I’m done with formal education for this lifetime…
Thank you all for your perspectives. I have stayed out of it; my posting was mostly an outlet for the mama bear - something to do other than plotting campaigns to the college.
For those who wondered, no she doesn’t want to be in this studio anymore, it was simply the first thing she asked because she is required to be in lessons, and is a first year with no clear guidelines for these situations. Kid herself said that had this been a regular class, she probably wouldnt have said anything, just backed off on participation… But in private lessons for a performing art, these storytelling habits lead to an issue for her - she can’t right now be as vulnerable as the arts require, for fear judgement and cursory dismissal. (She is already harder on herself regarding technicals than any judge or teacher have ever been) So she tried to bring it up. She brought it up privately. He went nuclear. She went nuclear in response, and we are where we are.
To be clear, the tags themselves did not bother her. The fact that the tags were the only tags offered for any characters in the story -yet had no bearing on the story- is what made her uncomfortable. It was almost as if she should have understood the tags as foreshadowing. … and that’s the problem. Again, thank you for your interest and responses. I will not be responding further for this thread.