At a turning point... Really Need Advice

Paying for College
1

<p>Hey everybody,</p>

<p>I'm trying to figure out if I should take out loans to go to college and finish up my degree. I went to a CC for two years and I am about to finish up with my AA. I am pursuing a major in Business Administration (no concentration yet) and I am excited to move on to a university. I have no debt and a 3.9 GPA, so I have many options for college in state. </p>

<p>However, there is a problem. My home environment is not the best at the moment and I am desperately seeking a way out. My dad is a domineering tyrant and uses his financial support to force everyone in the family to conform to his wishes. He is intrusive, racist, and opinionated. The best word I can use to describe him as is "poisonous". He makes living at home hell and I don't think I can take it anymore.</p>

<p>Last spring, I disobeyed him and applied to a state school that he didn't want me to attend. I was accepted and I hoped this news would prompt him to help me out. That was wishful thinking and he said that he would not help me if I went there, I would be kicked out of the house, and I would be on my own. I was scared and backed down from my dream.</p>

<p>Right now, I'm playing the role of the dutiful son. I've been accepted to his alma mater and will have to commute for two years from the same house I'm living in. Despite the fact that it is a great school, the pressure he places on me to succeed and follow in his footsteps is overwhelming. I still remember when he screamed at me when I was having problems in Calc ("I have invested too much in you for you to ****ing blow this!! I have sacrificed too much for you!")I resent his financial assistance and dread the coming Winter term at the school I am on track for. The pressure he places on me is outrageous and I think the time has come for me to take control of my life.</p>

<p>I have considered leaving home for good and continuing with my education at my dream school. I plan on taking a year off and working full time until the fall semester starts. Since I would be receiving zero assistance from my parents, I would need to take out $30,000-40,000 in loans since I've only saved $7,000 since I've been so focused on my studies. I plan on working while in school and working full time in the summers (most likely staying in the college town over the summer). While it would be scary financially, I feel like it would free my soul. I'd be doing something for myself for once and wouldn't have to be afraid anymore.</p>

<p>The alternative is to keep playing the part of the devoted son. This means no debt, but 2 years of misery. I would get a great degree, but I'm afraid if I keep following in my dad's footsteps that I will become like him. </p>

<p>What is better? To be owned by a bank or by my father?</p>

<p>I figure the advice you all can offer me will help me make the best decision. I'm trying to balance short term/long term happiness and I really don't want to make a mistake.
Thanks in advance for any guidance you all can offer.</p>

2

<p>The biggest question you need to answer is HOW are you going to get $30,000 or more in loans. Do you have someone who will cosign loans for you? The student loans you can get in your own name (which WILL require that your parents, including you father, provide income/assets to complete the FAFSA) will not be that high in dollar amount.</p>

3

<p>I’m sorry that your home life is so difficult. How to pay? With your GPA - maybe you can find a school that will offer merit scholarship money - though it is a long shot. Another idea is to look into schools that will let you attend part-time, so you could work to support yourself and pay the tuition without loans. The state university or college systems may also be able to offer some merit aid, with a much lower COA.<br>
I think you would be right to move out on your own - but you are right to look before you leap. I suggest that once you make your decision, that you write a letter to your father explaining that though you appreciate how much he has sacrificed for you, and explaining how his actions are forcing this to happen.
You could try talking to him in a calm way about what he wants and how he needs to separate that from what is best for you.
If you can’t find a way to stay in school if you move out, and you decide to continue living at home, keep in mind that between your job and your studies, you would probably be spending almost no time at home. Good luck.</p>

4

<p>I’m so sorry that you’re in such a tough home situation. Living under a domineering parent really stinks! </p>

<p>The problem is as Thumper stated, how are you going to get the amount of loans you would need to completely separate yourself from your parents?</p>

<p>I had another thought – if your aim is to get out of your parent’s house, does your dad’s alma mater have fraternities or other special interest housing associated with a club or such? If they do, is there any way you could convince him to let you live in one of these places while he still helps you with tuition? You’d still be going to his alma mater, but you’d be living more on your own. You’d probably have to think up some good reasons to convince him that this is good idea (e.g. you could do more community service, access to special study groups – whatever reason you think might convince him). You could tell him that more involvement on campus will help your resume and help you get into grad school or get a job more easily. You do have some savings, so you could pay for some or all of the housing cost with the savings, a part-time job, and a small Stafford Loan.</p>

<p>Once you have your degree, you can look to more further in a more independent manner – either pursue grad school or a job. Unfortunately, it’s really tough for most students under 24 yo because you won’t be considered independent for financial aid. Even if you could get them, you probably also don’t want to be burdened with $60K - $80K loans once your graduate.</p>

<p>Best wishes and I hope you find an acceptable path forward.</p>

5

<p>I agree with Mamom… try to find a school that will offer you significant Merit aid. I would hate to see you in a situation where you are further dependent on your Dad at some point because you are financially strapped. That is terrible that you are dealing with this on top of the other stresses of a high school kid. Please keep your spirits up and know that you are not to blame for your Dad’s short comings. He sounds like he is trying to push you so he can live through you which many parents do now a days. His problems most likely stem from how he was raised so the only thing you can do is try to get as independent as you can so you don’t have to be in such a negative environment. Best of luck to you and I know there are many schools out there who would be looking for someone like you and offer some merit money to. Don’t give up.</p>

6

<p>The Transfer office at your CC should be able to help you find places that are likely to admit you and give you merit aid. Make an appointment with the counselor(s) there and find out about more of your options.</p>

<p>If they aren’t much help, check the websites of the other CCs near you for more ideas. Here is a link to the Transfer Scholarship info. at Happykid’s CC here in Maryland. Some of the scholarships discussed are only for MD residents, but many others would apply to you. [MC</a> Transfer Scholarship Page](<a href=“http://www.montgomerycollege.edu/Departments/studev/schol.htm]MC”>http://www.montgomerycollege.edu/Departments/studev/schol.htm)</p>

<p>With your GPA, you should be eligible to join Phi Theta Kappa if your CC has a chapter. That can get you access to a number of scholarships.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

7

<p>Wow, a lot of great advice. Thanks to everyone who has offered guidance. I’ll do my best to provide additional information.</p>

<p>I think I would be able to get some loans because my mother has agreed to cosign for me should I decide to leave. The problem here is my father, the chief bread winner. My mom is the only reason I get by some days and she is trying her best to help me leave. However, she doesn’t make very much since she works part time ($20,000 a year) and I don’t think that would be enough to get me what I need to leave. </p>

<p>Mom6350-
I have tried suggesting that it would be a good idea to move on campus at his alma mater, but that only manages to send him into a rage. He feels that I’m unappreciative of having a roof over my head and that I have no business “wasting his hard earned money” when I can take the bus every day.</p>

<p>I don’t want to be dramatic, but I really think I need to leave for my own good. He refuses to let me be an individual and he seems determined to turn me into a mini-version of him. I feel that it is bad to be surrounded by so much negativity. It’s gotten a lot worse since he kicked my brother out of the house since now I’m the only one at home he likes to take his anger out on. </p>

<p>I’m trying to be smart about this and I don’t want to slip up only to find that I will still need his assistance. Once I leave the house, I’m never coming back. So I need to plan accordingly to ensure that I don’t fail and end up needing his assistance.</p>