<p>My daughter is really taking her time in deciding on which school to attend. As for me, I know which school tops the list if all things are equal. My problem is that my top school for her, she put on the application list because I promised to buy something she has been begging for. ( For just applying).</p>
<p>Now, she has grown emotionally attached to at least 6 of the 13 schools she was accepted.</p>
<p>She is says that I am pressurizing her since she has one month to make up her mind. (How about travel plans? etc.)</p>
<p>I know it is her decision. Sincerely, I would be happy for her to attend any school off that list but how do you pass on the best! lol. Imo.</p>
<p>I am just going to sit down albeit with excruciating patience and hopefully wait until she makes her decisions. Modern world! In my days, my parents will just say "This is your school'
and I will reply" Yes Sir/Ma" End of story.</p>
<p>Why are you picking yours? Location? Cost? Best program? Alma mater?</p>
<p>Why is she attracted to hers? Location? Programs? Size? Boyfriend?</p>
<p>Reasons for each would matter to me.</p>
<p>High debt wouldn’t be an option, but my kids know that before they apply, so it’s no surprise.</p>
<p>Beyond that, we tend to let our kids decide. We do talk about pros and cons, but I try to do so in a way that still leaves the decision up to them.</p>
<p>Can she attend any more accepted students days to help her decide?</p>
<p>This is a confusing decision-making process with tons of facts and impressions to consider, and only one of those facts is which school mom and/or dad like best. It really does take time to think it through and process the information, so let her have that time. We parents have more skill and speed doing this, having lived longer, and sometimes we don’t understand why our S or D doesn’t “get it.”</p>
<p>Encourage her to make a spread sheet of all the pros and cons of all the schools that accepted her. This will help her review what she knows, and perhaps discover what you know that she doesn’t yet. And if you can afford it, re-visiting can be helpful. Try your best to project a mask of emotional objectivity. If your D is like mine, if she thinks you like one school best, she will be determined to show you why it stinks and she doesn’t like it.</p>
<p>You should view this time as an opportunity for your daughter to ask questions about herself. </p>
<p>You facilitate her ability to make her own decision. You arrange visits, overnights, trains, planes and automobiles. You do not argue with “teen logic” (sometimes an oxymoron if there ever was one). </p>
<p>You let her learn about herself and explore who she wants to be. If she asks your opinion, you can provide it, without belittling hers. If she rejects your choice, you let her make her own decision. Not everybody wants what Harvard offers, and this is a big decision in HER life. It won’t be a mistake whatever it is. Personally, I think that its just as prestigious to turn down Harvard as it is to go there, but I guess it’s not something that you can put on your resume, LOL! </p>
<p>My D1 rejected or refused to apply to certain schools for some crazy irrational reasons and ultimately made a great though difficult choice after turning down what’s generally considered to be a prize school for one that at the time might have seemed like a lesser school to some. She did thorough due diligence, spending an overnight at both schools, met with faculty, etc. However, she had great well thought out reasons for her final decision and I felt that she ultimately made the right choice for her. It’s been terrific. </p>
<p>D2 ultimately decided that she didn’t want to be around the hyper intense people who gun for the prestige schools and found a school that was a great fit for her personality and applied ED. She starts this fall. We’ll see how that works out. </p>
<p>My D2 is undecided as well. One school on her list is one I asked her to apply to because I think it would be a good choice to have on her list this spring for a variety of reasons. We agreed that she would apply, and attend accepted students days if she gets in. If it isn’t the school she wants to attend after that experience, I promised I would not bug her about it. She has eight very good choices, and will revisit three (included “mom’s choice”) in April. She does have until May 1 to pick as far as I am concerned, although waiting does affect her housing choices at one school. She is aware of that, and she is the one who will be schlepping across campus in the winter if she delays and chooses that school in the end.</p>
<p>One thing we will do if she does not have a clear favorite after visits is put up some big sheets of paper and do some ranking of the top contenders by key factors (major, cost, weather, type of student body, her favorite EC availability, etc.). I think seeing it on display like that would help her narrow it down. But your kid has to be willing to do that (mine is).</p>
<p>You are pressuring her. First with the bribe to get her to apply where you wanted, now with the questions and nagging about her decision. Plenty of kids decide on April 30 where they are going to go. Yours might be one of them. All you can do is take a deep breath and mix a nice White Russian or whatever it is you like with the Bailey’s.</p>
<p>And, by the way, I am not judging you–I have these same tendencies myself. :)</p>
<p>Interesting thread. I have the same feelings and even though we have many good choices, it is amazing how many moving parts, keep moving! I keep praying things turn out well with her decision. Trying to make the “best” decision is fraught with many unknowns and I think this is the hardest decision we’ve made since picking a daycare… Except at the end of every work day, we got to pick her up, talk with the teachers and enjoy the handmade artwork. Why am I over thinking this so much? With less than a month left, I must admit I am not sleeping as well. New factors are popping up… And this is not really my decision…</p>
<p>I had a favorite, knew I was biased, so I stepped out of the process completely at that point and gave it to DH. It’s normal to have our own opinions, we’re human. When that starts to cloud objectivity (okay, I never offered gifts for applying to or choosing my favorite but that would be a big red flag) you need to take yourself out of the equation. S2 was down to two schools. DH did final visits and we gave him two weeks (mid April). I didn’t enter the discussion at all. He chose and has never second guessed. </p>
<p>If you can hand this over to a spouse that would be ideal. They could help her start to slowly narrow the field to just a few choices. Use a pro/con list on a spreadsheet or white board as suggested. Right now she has too many and it’s overwhelming. IMO there’s nothing wrong with setting mini dates to cull the list to help her move alone to May 1. That way she doesn’t end up two days prior still considering 7-8 schools. </p>
<p>Please don’t think I’m shaming you, I had to step back myself. It’s very, very hard when we’ve gotten them this far to see them going a direction we think is totally wrong. Let her go through the process. She may surprise you, however if it isn’t her decision the potential for blame and contention anytime that school isn’t perfect will be massive. Whose fault do you think it will be?? If she chooses another school buy the bumper sticker, wear the Tshirt, smile and support your daughter. There’s a high probability you’ll end up liking it.</p>
<p>Depends on your D. One of mine gets totally overwhelmed and then I would step in right as I sensed the meltdown approaching. And after living with the kid for 18 years, I would have had a pretty good idea of when that was. The other one? I wouldn’t have to step in at all.</p>
<p>Now, at my house, money is always an issue. THey have a budget. Come in under budget and other “goodies” will be forthcoming. I would remind them of that. And of course, if something is unaffordable, I’d have to step in and take it off the table because I am not cosigning for private loans.</p>
<p>The only time we expressed our opinions was when our kids were MAKING the list of schools to apply to. We discussed the schools at that point. If there was a school that could not be on the table for ANY reason, out kids did not apply there. If there were monetary concerns they were clearly laid out BEFORE the applications were sent (Glido, that is how we handled the paying part).</p>
<p>Once acceptances came in, we set a deadline date of April 28 for our kids to make a matriculation decision and only discussed this with them if they asked.</p>
<p>Set a meeting time with her. Assuming you are done visiting have her make a list of pros/cons and work from there. Start by having her make a list of the schools if she had to pick that second, in order of preference and the help her talk through those pros/cons. Sometimes getting it down in black and white helps make the decision. If she likes 6 of the schools, that tells me she will probably be happy wherever she lands. You can make your own list of preferences and pros/cons and compare as well. Chances are her list will be things like “bigger dorms”, “better cafeteria” where your list will be things like “easier to get to/from”, “better career counseling center”, etc. She will think of things you do not and you will think of things she does not. Once you have that session, it will probably become clear where she wants to go. I think part of issue with kids is that they need help thinking through the process. This is a HUGE decision for them and they need to understand that they will be fine with whatever choice they make.</p>
<p>This. It was all spelled out beforehand so no need to get involved at the 11th hour. All accepted schools were fair game. With S3 we may be dealing with unknown merit aid until after acceptances. He knows the $$ that everything has to come in under so no surprises. Anything that hits the mark is fair to choose from. Now honestly, if the offer is only slightly off I guess its up to DH and I to use our discretion at that point to let S3 know that although the offer came in slightly higher he may consider it as an option, but we are not going to take anything OFF the table that comes in at or under budget. All other aspects we would have found concerning enough to make the school unacceptable would have been hashed out before the application.</p>
<p>The only place I’d step in is if some schools were unaffordable. Both my kids waited until April 30 to make final decisions. They spent the month of April visiting (or revisiting) all their choices. In the end for each it came down to two schools that they had to choose between. I didn’t hurry them - this is the biggest decision they’ve ever made that will impact the rest of their lives. Your child looks to have lots of great choices, but boy she has a lot of variety there!</p>
<p>We told both of our sons they needed to make the final decision before spring break because we were not bringing that giant weight of their decision along with us with us on vacation. </p>
<p>We also had a serious talk about finances. They needed to know exactly what the cost of each school would be, and how that cost would affect them personally. (Full tuition scholarship at instate flagship vs. $40K+ per year at a few privates does have consequences in terms of us helping with travel abroad, cars, trips with friends, etc.). We were willing to support their decisions, but they needed to know the real world consequences of those decisions. </p>
<p>After that we left the decisions in their hands. For the one who chose a more expensive school we have stuck to our guns. He loves his college, and wouldn’t trade his experience there for the full tuition scholarship to a school he didn’t want to attend. However, he has an on campus job, does not have a car, has not been able to travel to “fun” places with friends during breaks, and had to find grant funding to pay for a study abroad class in South Africa. </p>
<p>They were glad to have an artificial deadline imposed on them. Deep down, they already knew where they wanted to go, they just needed a little push to hit that button.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten a lot of great advice here. Also don’t forget - they are 17/18 years old. While excited/attached to schools, it is also an anxiety-ridden time. Making that decision can be overwhelming. Be helpful, understanding and supportive.</p>
<p>We made a pros/cons chart and walked through it with DS last night - he was down to three and it really was “no contest.” The chart clarified that for him. Some things were equal. Thinking about (and talking with us about) curriculum, career resources, research opportunities, where he wants to be after college, location/transportation was important. To his credit he didn’t let the university with the best food sway him (it also had an unaffordable price tag!), but the school that is the best fit does have the best weather too!</p>
<p>Still, he is quite overwhelmed with the decision. This is where he has always wanted to go to school. It’s the idea of going that is a bit freaky.</p>
<p>As for your list (which is quite impressive!), as an NU alum, I can’t be partial. (Go Cats!)</p>