<p>MomofKat - Good luck. It sounds like your D has great choices. That’s a good “problem”, if both are affordable. Every option in life has pros/cons, but I bet she will love either choice.</p>
<p>What is the problem with deciding with emotion or intuition? Logic doesn’t cover every situation.</p>
<p>I would also like to know why the young man broke down in sobs? Is the bad rep drugs? Drugs are probably available at every school besides the service academies.</p>
<p>Why does he want to attend this school?</p>
<p>My S was adamant about his school. I had reservations that I was write about, but he was right, too. Kids grow through opportunities and obstacles.</p>
<p>I told my daughter to apply whereever she wanted. I didn’t want her to look back and say “why didn’t I apply to <ivy>”. She didn’t get into the ivy’s, and that is okay. I did suggest SUNY Binghamton because it is a best value for out of state students. I also made her apply to our state flagship. She applied to some state schools and some privates.
When it came down to choosing, the net cost after any scholarships for the states was in the $25,000 area and the privates were in the $35,000-40,0000 area. At that point, since she could not define a clear benfit to pay $15,000 more a year for the privates and she was not in love with any of them, I told her to choose from the state Univ’s.
To my everlasting surprise she did end up and SUNY Bing…because she wanted to end up in NY and also they are quite generous with IB credits. Yes, our state flagship would have been cheaper but she really wanted to get away a bit.
It did take her to late in April to decide. She is doing quite well there and will be able to graduate early because of the IB credits.</ivy></p>
<p>MomofKat, based just on what I know from your post, which is of course a mere snapshot of a complex scenario: (given that) if your D were my counseling client, I’d probably try to help her see that she already made <em>her</em> decision, and it seems to be based on lots of thorough research plus intuition. She appears to love and feel drawn to the program at Michigan. The second guessing based on input from others who are reminding her of Chicago’s unique strengths and prestige etc. (which she understands) is probably confusing her and the truth is she would thrive at either of these and a couple dozen others. But for a student as directed and clear headed and thoughtful as your D appears to be, I would treat this as opportunity for her to begin making her own strong decisions as she will have to in her adult life. As much good input as we as individuals can get from others, ultimately we always know what is best for ourselves (unless there is addiction, mental health issues etc. in the mix). I’d say for your D this is a perfect “go with your gut” opportunity. Anyway, good luck to her and you!</p>
<p>If your child wants to chose a slightly lesser school for the social scene over a better school - that’s when I say intervention is necessary.</p>
<p>^^^^I don’t understand that logic. A happier, thriving students probably means better results and a more successful life. I don’t understand the fetish with “the best school.” Sometimes kids are drawn to something intangible.</p>
<p>U Mich Ann Arbor is a wonderful school so the education is not the issue.</p>
<p>Why should one strong arm a kid based on intangibles like prestige?</p>
<p>And sometimes the most academic rigorous schools yield lower GPA’s and fewer opportunities later.</p>
<p>I don’t understand not allowing the student to decide once the financial considerations have been handled.</p>
<p>This is supposing that the school on the table is an accredited institution that can deliver a good education.</p>
<p>jdevv, that’s pretty much why my son chose Tufts over Chicago - it was a difficult choice, and there were plenty of other reasons to choose Tufts, but Chicago is higher ranked.</p>
<p>Appreciate the discussion. Plan a last back to back visit of D’s final two with focus on campus feel.</p>
<p>jdevv - my D just chose WUSTL over UChicago. No way would I step into that especially after seeing how happy she is.</p>
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<p>This is crazy. “Slightly lesser”? Are you suggesting that a student would get less well-educated because of a difference in a subjective ranking…really? And what would happen if the rank order changed during the time your child was in college. Would he/she have to transfer?</p>
<p>As a parent, you have an obligation to help shape your children’s choices. Not dominate, but certainly to have a significant say. Leaving something as important as college choice to a 17 or 18 year old is in my opinion absurd. These are 17 and 18 year olds, whose understanding of the world is still developing. Kids choose college because their friends are going there, because they liked the representative at the college fair, because the college has a great football or basketball team, because the college guidance counselor recommended it or some other teacher did, because they read an article about it and it sounded fun, or a million other less than fully mature reasons. Of course no one on here has children that are influenced by such things:)</p>
<p>My children have lived overseas, they have spent time abroad in language programs and living with host families, and they attend a prep school that fosters a tremendous amount of independence. They are still not mature enough to make the college decision on their own. Not because they are not mature for their age, but because they are 17 or 18 and their understanding of their various choices and the future impact is not fully developed. I would never force my child to go to a college that they truly did not want to attend, but I certainly will weigh in heavily when it comes time to choose their college in the next few years. In my opinion to leave the decision to a 17 or 18 year old is a parental copout.</p>
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<p>All of these are reasonable considerations, provided that the school meets the student’s academic needs and the family’s financial needs. </p>
<p>Very often, we see people on this forum agonizing about their child’s choice between two (or more) perfectly acceptable alternatives. What is there to worry about? A student who’s choosing between Michigan and Chicago or Harvard, Columbia, and Duke can’t make a bad decision. They’re all good choices.</p>
<p>^^^ Agreed. I would step in where there is a huge gulf between the programs, or where I believed the student was basing the decision on irrational fears, etc. But where the schools are essentially peers…nah. They’ll likely do better when they have some ownership of the decision and feel they are in the right niche.</p>
<p>heresaquarter - that’s why I was very careful in the selection of colleges that my D applied to. Any of them would have been acceptable to me - and she was also pleased with her selections. But once the offers starting coming in I made it clear that it was her decision (all things financially equal).</p>
<p>Sometimes you just have to trust them. My S, who is a junior in high school, was doing really poorly as a freshman in our local public school. My husband and I were at our wit’s end trying to figure out the problem. Eventually, our S asked if he could to go a local private boys parochial school (a Jesuit school and we are Jewish) and our first reaction was to say no – we thought everything about that situation was wrong for him. To make a long story short, he eventually convinced us by saying he thought he needed the additional structure and discipline in order to succeed, so we held our breath and sent him. For two years now, he has been getting up, putting on a shirt and tie, working harder at school than he ever did, and doing so much better. We are now going through the college visitation process and looking at schools he couldn’t have hoped to get in based on his freshman experience. He and we are not always in agreement about what type of college would be best for him, but I am trying to stay as quiet as I can as he clearly knew better than we did about what was best for him in high school. And I am seeing that, as we go visit schools and I remind him to think about what is working for him now and what has worked/not worked in the past (and he doesn’t have to tell me what he’s thinking), he is coming around to mostly what my husband and I think, too. </p>
<p>I also remind him that the choice of college is not a decision that can’t be changed – he can always transfer. My husband went to three undergraduate schools before settling on one and went on to get a Ph.D. from Emory, did post-doc work at Johns Hopkins and now is a global R&D Director at a major multi-national corporation. There is a lot of pressure on these kids to make the “right” decision – it’s important for them to know there are many “right” decisions and many ways to get where they want to go.</p>
<p>My D is accepted at several private colleges and state colleges…first off the bat, it boils down to the financial aid/affordability. I made myself clear that I will not be getting in debt, so she has to pick her choice based on affordability, location etc. She is down to two and still can’t decide. I feel pressured because she is taking her own sweet time deciding. HELP!!!</p>
<p>so difficult…between Harvard and two other very different small LACs. She applied to H but never really considered it a serious option (until now) and we are trying to have her make the most informed decision she can, given the information she has, without the pressure of choosing H just cuz it’s H. Incidentally, it does fit in with most of her criteria, which is why she applied in the first place. Didn’t visit two LACS only Harvard due to timing and the fact that she lives on another continent finances are not a concern so it really comes down to her. That said, we will step in after careful thought and reflection on her part, only to make sure she is going forward with confidence re her decision as much as she can. I am helping her with a spreadsheet and copy/pasting all kinds of info having her speak with as many contacts and students as possible she is somewhat avoiding the decision which is a bit of a concern…we will step in by setting a deadline and encouraging her that the best decision is an informed one…tick…tick…tick…</p>
<p>My HS senior son’s desire to major in engineering narrowed the scope of college choices right from the start. Our challenge is that we live just outside of Madison, WI; thus, we have a world-class university just down the street from his high school. He wants to go away to college. We don’t qualify for needs-based financial aid so we told him right from the start that we’ll pay for Madison (or anything equivalently-priced). If he wants something more expensive, he’ll have to figure out how to pay for the difference himself. He’ll have to decide if he wants to be saddled with debt or if he wants to have to work part-time jobs, etc. or if he could be happy not worrying about finances by simply choosing the terrific university he has available right here at home. He applied only to those colleges within our budget - except for his #1 choice of Purdue. He’s been admitted to both Madison & Purdue & has accepted both - now we’re waiting for him to make the final choice. Leaving it up to him at this point, but the wait is excruciating!</p>
<p>Financial reality needs to be addressed from the beginning. We told DD, this is your budget. This is what we have saved, this is what we can cashflow, and here are other opportunities for you to make up any shortfalls. Two years earlier, her cousin went through the same process with his parents and had to turn down his first choice (Northeastern). She has twice the budget that he did (two kids vs. one) but still she knew that reality existed going in. She researched, we met with her college counselor numerous times who gave us lots of ideas, and we toured lots of colleges including very expensive ones. All through this cost was never mentioned. She narrowed it down to places that fit her and only then we looked at costs. We compiled the list of “you’ll need this much in assistance (not loans) to go here”. All her acceptances are in and her first choice is within her budget. She is incredibly happy and so are we.</p>
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<p>Exactly. These are flip-a-coin choices. Or personal-preference-and-taste choices. Nothing to agonize over. No downsides.</p>