“Thanks BK. We agree and would not be ask or accept that any D3 school to provide FA to my D for athletics. Honestly, my D is not a top recruit, so we doubt this type of FA would even be offered anyways (and if offered then we would not accept so as to also steer away from potential problems).”
We are also going through athletic recruiting, though different sport and sex. That said, as I read this thread I feel like you are still a little confused (I could well be wrong!).
For example, the passage above. THERE IS NO FINANCIAL AID (OF ANY KIND) FOR ATHLETICS IN D3.
You’ve said you are looking for merit aid, and if so – in a normal year! – you would get merit aid at a school where your daughter is way above the average for that school. In other words, the biggest merit awards would be at her safety-type schools and you would get zero merit at her reach schools. Are you chasing the merit, or the elite schools? (You seem focused on schools with low acceptance rates, and nothing wrong with that, but those schools either don’t offer merit aid to anyone, or only to a very small number of kids who would be exceptional for that school).
The way athletic recruiting works is that if a coach offers support (and they will say explicitly “I will support your application with Admissions”, they are using one of a very few slots (there are different terms for this) that they have with admissions. For example, soccer gets around 6 a year. For a coach to use up one of those six virtually guaranteed admissions spots, he’s going to want the player to commit to coming to the school. Why waste a spot on a kid who might or might not come? That is why in order to get coach support your daughter will have to apply ED.
If you apply ED you give up the ability to shop around for the best merit awards. I believe (though this is just my guess) that if you apply ED there is no incentive for the school to give merit aid. They give merit aid to entice kids to attend their school. So, they have no need to do that with an ED applicant, they already know the kid is coming no matter what.
All this is to say, I think you have to decide if you are going for merit aid, because that is one approach to college applications, or if you are looking to use athletic recruiting to get into the most selective school possible, as that is another, different, approach to college admissions. Of course, you can have a hybrid approach, but that approach is a third, slightly different way as well. Bottom line, it would be helpful to decide what strategy will work best for your family now and then go down that path.
Finally, a disclaimer: there are always exceptions, I have been trying to outline the “standard” route for athletic recruiting.