<p>“Seattle is the place that really drives me nuts. It could be 42nd Ave NE or 42nd St. NE or 42nd St NW, or maybe 42nd Ave S, or maybe 42nd Ave SW”</p>
<p>hahaha…and don’t forget 42nd street NE, which is yet a different street</p>
<p>Any chance the GP’s are healthy enough to take DD#1 on an East coast college tour? They have a somewhat vested interest, since they’d be paying for a big chunk of college costs if DD#1 ultimately chooses one of those schools. Good bonding time, too!</p>
<p>I think your wife has shown her cards by taking DD#2 on a college visit. It isn’t that she’s uninterested in college visits, it’s that her daughter is being left out. DD#2 needs a place at the grown ups’ table, too! The message should be that while they are different from DD#1’s, she has many options, too, and her best fit options should be ascertained as well. Amazing how maturity hits at different times and ages, and hopefully DD#2 is finding her path!</p>
<p>The OP HAS both the money and the desire to accompany his daughter to the east for this college tour. It would be important to him to attend. I think it’s ridiculous to arrange this whole " send the daughter to do it on her own" and deprive him of this rite of passage just to avoid hurting the feelings of the wife and stepdaughter. Having a young girl trek all over the east coast by herself sounds horrible and lonely when there is an alrernative. Leave that scenario for the posters where there truly IS no choice - eg there is really no money or both parents are unsupportive.</p>
<p>Haven’t read the whole thread so apologies in advance for any redundancies. I agree that there is no need to take the entire family on a college tour, but if the OP can afford to accompany his DD to see a few schools, that would be a wonderful thing to do. It could be before applying (thats what we did) or after acceptances are out (many do that), but to not see the school before attending when one can afford to do so because it “sends a bad message to the other kids” to me sends a bad message to all.</p>
<p>Every kid is different. We don’t need to treat them the same, as long as we provide the same opportunity for them. It would make no more sense to have D1 attend a CC than to push D2 to apply top 20s. They have mapped out their own path and you are there to support their aspirations.</p>
<p>As others have said, there’s no real need to visit colleges before decisions are in, unless the college weighs demonstrated interest as a factor in admissions or for merit scholarships. This is easy enough to discern by looking at the individual schools’ common data sets or financial aid webpages.</p>
<p>I think there’s a lot of value in visiting schools before submitting applications, even though, in our case, it ate our entire vacation budget for each kid’s junior-senior years. And our trips were mother-applicant only - the younger kids were fine with it because they knew they’d have their chance. Visits can hone a kid’s enthusiasm for working on apps (perhaps not an issue for the OP’s d). They can mold a kid’s list (as in, “Gee, I guess I really don’t want to go to a tiny rural LAC/enormous urban university”). Most of all, they’re a last or almost-last chance for concentrated one-on-one time for parent and child. I treasure those memories and I like to think my daughters do, too. </p>
<p>If there’s just no money or spousal support for looking at schools ahead of time, though, I’d still move heaven and earth to get a student on campus at the best two options for a look-around before making the final decision. It may not be an absolute necessity, but I think it would be a very prudent expense.</p>
<p>There is a lot to be learned on college visits… even when visiting schools not tops on the list. In other words, it may be worthwhile to do some local college visits first in order to refine priorities.</p>
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<p>That’s a good plan. D1 chose a school that way. You also have the benefit of Admitted Student Days where the school puts on a good show, do an overnight, etc. More than just a campus tour. You have to keep April flexible to plan the trips at the last minute.</p>
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<p>Good point. Kid gets to see: Large vs small school; urban vs. rural; old vs new (D2 liked schools with character); etc. But, that you can do locally (if there are a variety of colleges nearby).</p>
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My kids didn’t think traveling on their own was “horrible and lonely” – they welcomed the opportunity. I also think that the fact that my daughter traveled alone gave her an admissions boost at her alma mater – when she arrived for her on-campus interview, they were impressed that she had traveled alone and remarked on it. </p>
<p>The OP can make whatever decisions he feels is appropriate, but as a parent I resent the tone of pity, as if my kids were somehow deprived due to lack of a set of hovering, helicopter parents to take charge of the whole college visiting and selection process.</p>
<p>I realize that all kids are different and that there are some who really wouldn’t be able to travel on their own. Aside from personality differences, some kids might have specific disabilities that could make independent travel very daunting. </p>
<p>However, it is not a deficit in parenting when a mom or dad puts a kid on a bus or a train to travel on their own. </p>
<p>And when it comes to visiting colleges, the experience can be very different depending on whether parents are on the scene or not… Given the fact that the kid and not the parent will be attending the college, I personally think that the experience is potentially far more valuable without parents in tow – parents tend to unintentionally restrict their kids in a number of ways, probably in ways that we are usually unaware of. </p>
<p>It may be a “rite of passage” for some parents but it didn’t work that way in my family, and though our finances were restricted, it is not really a determination that was dictated on finances. It was more a matter of efficient allocation of resources. The kids didn’t suffer.</p>
<p>I think for each of my kids there was a time when they found themselves on a campus where they didn’t want to be, wishing they weren’t “stuck” with their overnight – but that was a learning experience as well – for my daughter, it was also important in shaping her college expectations and choices. </p>
<p>So let the OP make his own decisions… but don’t diss those parents who cheerfully stayed back in the nest while encouraging our kids to begin to spread their wings.</p>
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<p>I am going to say there is a down side to this – your kid (and you with the FA paperwork) can waste a lot of time on applications for colleges that really don’t suit your kid. And your kid can end up with a much shorter list of choices that are palatable to them in the spring if they apply to schools that look great on paper (cuz don’t forget they market like crazy to make themselves look good!), yet aren’t so great in person. </p>
<p>I understand the OP’s “political” limitations within his family, so visiting at the end is what they will have to do. But I am not sure how you even know what your “top 2” choices are in the end if you never set foot on campus of any of them. I still go back to it being a TON of money to spend and risk to take of a bad choice without seeing the goods you are buying in person.</p>
<p>calmom - are you saying that you wouldn’t have gone if you had the option? Your D wouldn’t have preferred to have you there? As a parent, it would be hard for me to believe. I’ve had to miss few things in my kid’s life, but it is always with some regret.</p>
<p>I have no doubt that some kids would prefer to do visits, or to travel in general, without their parents. </p>
<p>As a parent, I would prefer to go on a college visit if I could, because I’d find it fun. But if the logistical challenges could be managed, I’m not sure my son would have a strong preference for me (or my husband) to go along. And quite possibly he’d enjoy the experience of going by himself if it came up. He has traveled by himself and had no problems.</p>
<p>My daughter, when the time comes, may well prefer having us on college visits. Not so much for any of the travel/logistic stuff but she struggles with decisions and may find our input and impressions helpful. Of course, we will struggle with helping her and not making the decision for her. My son isn’t too apt to listen to us anyway so… 
And they may both surprise us.</p>
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I’m sorry, why don’t you think I had the “option”? I never said that it was impossible for me to have gone.
No, she chose to go on her own.</p>
<p>I just thought it was overly long explanation for just a simple personal choice. D2 had to visit her “home” this weekend by herself because it was the only way she could visit her high school friends. It is not the safest place and with the volcano eruptions. I felt uneasy about her going by herself and she wished I could have gone with her, but due to my work schedule and H’s travel, she either had to go by herself or not at all. Simple as that. No “she is a big girl now,” or “her experience would be better without us,” or “letting her spread her wings.”</p>
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<p>Wow- a little bit defensive, are we?</p>
<p>Of course not everyone can fly all over the country visiting colleges, but it really is a neat experience to share with your kid. We went as often as possible, but when D had to go back for required auditions, she went on her own- mainly because that’s sort of how it worked at her arts academy. Sometimes the kids went in a group and a local parent hosted them. </p>
<p>I don’t think it would give a student a boost in admissions to have traveled alone. Sometimes we make too much out of a simple comment, but…whatever, calmom.</p>
<p>“However, it is not a deficit in parenting when a mom or dad puts a kid on a bus or a train to travel on their own.”</p>
<p>No one said it was a “deficit in parenting.” It does strike me as unfortunate if the father would like to, there’s no evidence the daughter wouldn’t welcome his company, and the catch is the anticipated anger or jealousy of other family members. I’m glad that your daughter wanted to Spread Her Wings, but don’t project her desires onto everyone else. </p>
<p>I’d also note that the do-it-by-yourself only works if your list is restricted to schools in major cities easily accessible by public transportation. We did, for example, Case Western and Kenyon in one day. It’s simply not possible without a car, and sorry, I’m not interested in having my 18 yos drive all over kingdom come</p>
<p>“It may be a “rite of passage” for some parents but it didn’t work that way in my family.”</p>
<p>But it’s clear that the OP DOES see this as a quasi rite of passage. And he is entitled to feel that way. It’s not about you, it’s about him.</p>
<p>OP - is there a relative out east who could shepherd her around?</p>
<p>S visited Haverford twice - once with us, and then another time he flew out and my father took him to campus. It was nice he had someone to pick him up, drive him there, go out to eat afterwards, etc.</p>
<p>I don’t have much more to contribute than a story. For one of my friends at school, now a rising junior, the first day at school was also his first day on this continent. He loves it, but talk about a change.</p>
<p>May I offer a thrid option? Have a college counselor help your daughter develop a great list of schools. This list can be based off her educational interests, scores, community desires and any aid or merit if needed. </p>
<p>Then have your daughter research those schools and find the ones that stand out. Possibly visit or at the very least reach out to those schools to gather more info and show “interest”. Then what the acceptances roll in visit the ones she would attend.</p>