<p>After college visits across the country and professing his desire to go OOS for years, one of my son's top choices for application is UT Austin which is 20 miles away from our home. He learned more about it at a recent overnight honors visit, and as the decision of where to attend gets closer Im thinking he may be feeling more comfortable closer to home. UT is a good fit academically, but socially could be challenging as he is somewhat introverted and has hung out with the same group of 4-5 friends since elementary school. Many of these friends will attend community college locally or another college about 30 minutes to the south. </p>
<p>If my son gets into UT and chooses to attend, will he get the full social experience at his university so close to home? Im concerned he will rely on the safety net of old friends and family to the detriment of bonding with his new peers. So I'd love some thoughts on....</p>
<p>Is it appropriate to forbid him to come home on weekends for a certain time?
Can we ask him not to hang out with old friends? (even as I write this I know it sounds really stupid:))
Is this even a legitimate concern or am I worrying or no reason and should we but out and let things resolve themselves? Does anyone have experience in how this might play out? Thanks!</p>
<p>Believe it or not, there are people in big universities, who live in the dorms, half way across the country from their homes, and have little to no social life. It all depends on the person. You should push your son to join clubs he enjoys, or go to parties. If he is comfortable with a social atmosphere, and attends activities most college students enjoy, he will have no problem making new friends. Most college freshman don’t have many friends, and are looking for some. Everyone looks for friends their first year, so there’s nothing really to worry about.</p>
<p>I think it really depends on the student. I have had an experience similar to your sons and I only went back “home” (long story but lets just call it home and it was 30 mins away) for a weekend maybe once a month. It was nice to leave campus and relax in a normal residential setting with people I view as family.</p>
<p>So my point is since I didn’t go there all the time, I was able to create a great social life for myself because I was on campus more weekends than I was off campus.
Therefore, you should try to motivate your son to stay on campus as much as he can and not come home every weekend because it really is going to stifle his social life (since a lot of connections form on the weekends).</p>
<p>I believe you are right in thinking that he will want to come home to something he is comfortable with so you should definitely challenge him to stay on campus as much as he can. Maybe not “forbidding” but just asking him not to come home more than a weekend or so a month. As for hanging out with his old friends, I think it is okay, as long as he does it outside of the home since that will make him want to come home more.</p>
<p>Personally, I would let him figure it out on his own. I had friends at school who lived close enough to the school to go home on weekends. Some went home every weekend, some went home occasionally, some rarely went home. It all depends on the person, but all of them were perfectly happy at the school with friends. Forcing him to stay at the school isn’t going to force him to make friends. There’s no one size fits all experience for college student, and he’ll do what works for him.</p>
<p>Encourage him to embrace new opportunities, but don’t forbid him from coming home (or god forbid from seeing his old friends!). Odds are, he’ll come home for the food, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t making great friends at school.</p>
<p>I actually will be going to college 20 minutes away from home and living on campus. I’ve decided I’m going to come home every weekend mostly because I am pretty close with my family (especially my sister) and I think it’s good for me to check back with them every week. </p>
<p>But that’s just what I think will work for me. I think since your son is an adult now, he should be able to decide for himself what he wants to do. If he wants to come home every weekend to hang out with his high school friends, just let him. If he ends up not having a social life at his university and it makes him perfectly happy, then just let him be. I think you should encourage him to join clubs and get involved at school, but don’t push him to do this or that just because you feel it’s beneficial for his social well-being. I know you only want the best for him, but I think these are life choices that he should be making. If he fails, he will learn from it and tries to do better next time.</p>
<p>Overbyen, it does sound like you are close to your family… BUT, this will really inhibit your ability to make strong and lasting friendships on campus. You can check in via phone or Skype every day if you want to. But really… freshman year especially, stay on campus and socialize with your dorm floor, clubs you join, study group friends, etc. You won’t be sorry in the long run. Freshman year is when EVERYONE is looking for new friends, and it is by far the easiest time to meet people. There isn’t really a “next time” – it is a lot harder to decide in your sophomore year that you are going to make friends then. I mean, it can be done, but there is a golden opportunity that first year that really isn’t the same in subsequent years.</p>
<p>OP, you should talk to your son about this. Maybe encourage him to plan to come home only a couple of weekends before Thanksgiving so he gets settled in socially at UT-Austin. If he doesn’t have a car on campus, that is a little limiting regarding going to see his home buddies (although they could come pick him up).</p>
<p>^ Yeah nothing is definite yet, but I have thought about what might happen if I miss a lot of weekends. The thing is, my university is known for having really dead weekends because students like to go home, so I won’t be the only one But I’ll wait until I start school and see what happens then.</p>
<p>I attend a university in my hometown and still live with my parents because the cost of living in a dorm or apartment close to campus was not worth the expense for me. I have not had a problem. I made many new friends and spend a decent amount of time on campus attending to my work and socializing. I still have a large degree of independence away from my family when I want it. And I continue to have the support of old friends and family that I am used to. As far as I am concerned, I have the best of both worlds.</p>
<p>Even though you are his parent, he is an adult, so the decision is his and you shouldn’t forbid him to come home or do anything. Rather, talk with him and encourage him. Being introverted isn’t wanting to be antisocial, but rather being social at your own pace.</p>
<p>I was very introverted my senior year of high school and going into college. My mom moved away two months before my freshman year of college, so I had to live on campus. Living on campus really changed my demeanor for the better and made me step out of my shell. Now I consider myself extroverted, I have a great reputation within my university and with my professors, I have very good friends, and I enjoy college.</p>
<p>So, I don’t think you should forbid him from being home or to push him to be with friends. When he is ready, he will blossom. But, the one thing I do recommend is to have him live on-campus in the dorms. I can’t stress how much this makes college better. I always tell people that they need to live in the dorms at least for a year because it makes a great experience!</p>
But I’ll wait until I start school and see what happens then.</p>