My son has gotten in to 5 out of 10 so far (2 safeties) and 3 schools that have specific support for kids on the spectrum, and I do think that Community College which was our fall back (had him apply because you can always defer if you aren’t ready and enroll last minute to CC, you can’t jus decide in May that you want to go to a 4 year school). Now that he’s gotten in, he’s excited to go somewhere, but he changes his mind every day as to where he wants to go, and may decide because of what the campus looks like. Some days he seems ready, other days I think “how will he possibly survive?” If you have any success stories, either at a school with a program or without, I’d love to hear them, and/or advice of what worked for you. Do’s and don’ts - i.e. do or don’t Skype to nudge for homework, etc.
I’m a college senior with ASD at a school that does not have specific support. My parents had similar worries to you. I’ve done fine- I’m graduating with a double major and double minor, have done well academically (accepted into 8 honor societies), and I accepted a full time job offer back in August already.
This varies so much from student to student, though, since ASD affects everyone differently. Your son may need nudging, he may not.
Thanks for that. First of all, congratulations on your success! You and your parents must be so proud!How would you have described your executive function pre-freshman year? And your social skills? Are either of these something that clicked for you in college? And how far away were you from your parents? We have one school probably 2 hours away and the rest across the country, but I think actually the farther might be the better, because he will sink or swim, and I do think he will swim when I think of it with my head, but my heart will worry about him forever.
I say to try and limit how many different things he has to deal with. Distance, new medications, living in a situation he’s not used to (sharing a room, bathroom, cooking for himself), new doctors, etc. If a school is only 1/2 hour away, he may be able to keep his doctors and still be ‘away’. Trying to have a similar social situation (robotics club, club sports team) helps.
My friend had trouble at a school 2000 miles from home because there were just so many changes, including the weather, the hours she was expected to be social (her bedtime is pretty early), trying to get to religious services. She could have handled a few changes but it was just too many all at once.
The success story is she does fine at a school closer to home. She doesn’t feel pressure to ‘do’ the school under its terms but does it under hers. She has a couple of friends and classmates to socialize with, to study with, but doesn’t feel the need to be social with everyone as she did in her LLC and dorm.
Thanks. Originally, my top school for him was UCONN which is clear across the country because they have the best supports, but it’s isolated and religious services may be important him (glad you mentioned that). I believe they will also accommodate a single if he’s not ready to live with someone else. Now I’m considering DU because he is familiar with Denver, the light rail is right there and he can go into the city pretty easily, and he can definitely take an Uber very easily to temple if he wants, and I have family there (we’re in California). He will probably get it in to UC Santa Cruz, which is about an hour and 1/2 away with no supports, but friendly to special needs (we have friends whose kids are definitely quirky, but not as quirky as my son) and they are doing just fine. And he likes the look of the campus (very wooded)
I agree. There is a huge amount variation from student to student, so it’s difficult to generalize. Many ASD kids do very well in college, without special accommodations or nudging. However, there also some unfortunate ASD kids who are not capable of successfully living on their own, let alone attending college.
I have an ASD. I was accepted to Stanford, MIT, and Ivies. I doubt that I would have been with a more neurotypical and common style of learning, activities, and interests. I attended Stanford where I completed a BS + MS in EE in slightly under 4 years, with a well above average GPA. I worked extremely independently, with no nudging from family and almost zero assistance from campus organizations, including advisers and the career center. Interviews did not go as smoothly as classes at first, but eventually I got the hang of it and had multiple job offers. I later started a successful website about a hobby, with the usual ASD style of an extremely intensive focus on hobbies to the point of annoying others. It became a bigger source of income than my day job in engineering, growing to a small company. Some, most notably Peter Thiel, have suggested that ASD can be an advantage in this type of SV STEM/start-up culture.
My ASD daughter is a sophomore at UCLA, and so far has been successful there, at least academically. They don’t have any specific autism supports, but she is registered with the Disabilities office there and gets priority enrollment for classes and was able to petition for a housing accommodation part way through this year (double instead of triple). Neither she nor I wanted her to go too far away, but she wanted to live on campus and have the full college experience. UCLA is only about a 40 minute drive from where we live, so she’s free to come home on weekends if she wants to. Last year, she was so happy to be there that she rarely came home, except for breaks. She successfully lived in a triple room all of last year with roommates that she was randomly matched with, but this year because of incompatibility problems with her new randomly matched roommates she petitioned through the Disabilities office to switch to a different room. She has always had good executive function skills, so I don’t have to worry about nudging her to get to class or do her homework or anything like that. She advocates for herself as needed with professors and TAs, depending on the class. The main thing that’s still lacking for her is the social piece, which she has always had trouble with. She has no friends (nothing new), but doesn’t seem particularly bothered by it, and she does interact with other people in her classes. She’ll be officially declaring her major (math) at the end of this quarter and I’m hoping she’ll finally find her tribe once she gets into the smaller upper division classes. She did run into some mental health issues last year when she became more anxious and depressed than usual and didn’t tell us anything about it. So last summer she spent regularly seeing a therapist and worked on changing to a more effective medication. Other than the roommate issues, this year she seems much happier and really loves being in college.
@overbearingmom Apologies for the delay in responding!
My executive functioning was pretty poor in high school- I was on ADHD meds to help manage, which actually helped significantly (I also have ADHD like many on the high-functioning end of the spectrum). In particular, I was easily distracted, a horrible procrastinator, unorganized, was known for “never finishing anything” (except food lol), and would not always turn assignments in on time. I was pretty socially awkward and didn’t have many close friends (most were from music). Probably was made worse by the fact that I was actually a late diagnosis of ASD- wasn’t until senior year of high school that I was formally diagnosed (although we suspected earlier and it really explained a lot of the issues I had growing up- bullied terribly, some academic problems even though I had a higher than average IQ, and I also started walking and talking late).
My executive functioning has gotten better, but is not perfect. I still procrastinate, although I don’t turn assignments in late anymore and am much more organized overall. I no longer take my ADHD meds every day, although I do get 50% extended time on tests (I didn’t have any accommodations in high school). I don’t really know how to gauge the social stuff as much, but I think I’ve gotten better. I have several really close friends (also from music) that really accept me for me. My closest friend has been really amazing in dealing with me, but he’s a really patient person overall, as he has a sibling with more severe autism.
My university is about 2 hours away from my house. But distance is not why I chose it. My other top choice school (which I also got into with a full tuition music scholarship) was more like 8 hours away. I chose the school I did because I liked the people/environment better (small school with small class sizes), the food is 10x better than the other school, and the campus was a lot smaller (which meant less walking). I only go home on breaks typically, but I do facetime my parents (and my guinea pigs!) pretty regularly (although not about assignments, its more of a "what’s new with you? " kinda thing).
He’s leaning towards UCONN, and I think that even though it’s all the way across the country, I think it would be a good fit for him, and has a LOT of support should he need it, and also wish to avail himself of it. He’s a pretty engaging kid, yet hard to understand (he doesn’t enunciate well, even after years of speech therapy, and he speeds up when he is excited about things, plus a lot of the time talks about the myriad of things that are in his head). And he is planning on getting involved in clubs (he needs to moderate his expectations of how many)
I’m considering having him screened for ADHD, as I was recently diagnosed and a low dose medication helps ME focus, and I don’t have nearly the same “windows tabs popping open” in my head as he does. I do worry about starting him on medication so close to him going away, but his self care skills are improving, so I do think he would be diligent on that.
Don’t have a spectrum kid…but would strongly suggest looking at colleges close to home…it is hard to support kids far away.
Really take that distance into consideration. I can’t think that UConn has anything more than your state (or neighboring state) has except basketball. I don’t think all the support services work as well when a student is the one having to manage it. The support services office can set it all up, the extra time, the registering for classes first, the small class size, but the student still has to follow through, get up and go to those classes, talk to the professors.
I agree with the last few posters that you should really think long and hard about sending the child you have described, far from home. If he is across the country at UConn, everything that is familiar will change. Aside from transitioning to college academics and learning to live on his own and advocate for himself, he will have to adapt to a new culture and climate. Winters are long and Storrs is pretty isolated. If he is prescribed ADD or any other meds, check if UConn’s health center will renew them (many will not), or will he have to find a local doctor and manage appointments and transportation?
You want to give him every advantage and opportunity to be successful. If he were my child, I’m not sure UConn would be at the top of my list. Really think through all the details, it may be a fine choice for him but really think it through. Good luck!
@thumper1 I know you are in CT-do you have any insight to UConn’s ASD supports?
Success story: CTCL Midwest LAC, four years, four hours from home, BA degree. Look for a TRIO student retention program in-campus, or equivalent, in a small city (or large town), close enough for a monthly brunch check-in, on-campus decent housing for all four years. Phew!
U Conn is not exactly next door to an airport with great service to and from the West Coast. You can fly in and out of Hartford (Bradley) or Logan in Boston, but Storrs itself is then a pain to get to.
I would not send a kid there if in the back of my mind I was thinking of getting there in a hurry.
That’s kind of the point though, as you can tell from my username, I really don’t think it’s a great thing if I swoop in there and solve things for him. I want him to use resources and start to learn independently. I just found out that UCSB, where he was just accepted, started a program for kids on the spectrum this year. Will be meeting with the program, and then my son will make a decision, and it will be his decision. If he flames out, then he will come home and we’ll deal with plan B.
My ASD son graduated with CS degee/ honors almost 2 years ago. He went to an OOS public u. about 8hrs. away. The school had services, but S didn’t use them (because he hates talking to people). I had my fingers crossed when he left because he’d never been away from home on his own before. Two advantages he had–his own bedroom (his college has all-suite dorms, triples, with single bedrooms for all), and (during his first year) an older sister at another college in the same city who could check on him, drag him out occasionally. He never had issues with keeping track of his schedule, completing assignments, doing laundry, etc. (He was fine in high school with all these.) S doesn’t socialize or make friends. And this doesn’t bother him. He lived in a dorm all 4 years, went to class, ate alone in the dining hall, studied, and went to church on Sundays. His worst issue was not making use of career services, internships, etc. However, he did finally find a decent job in his field that he has been working at for over a year now.
There was one incident freshman year when S was contacted by the campus police (related to his key card). S’s strategy was “ignore them until they go away.” That was not a good strategy. A simple explanation was all that was needed. Unfortunately S made himself look “suspicious” by not speaking up. I did make a phone call for him then–1st and only time. Another time his suitemate OD’d. S stayed in his room/did nothing. (I happened to call S while this was going on.) Suitemate (who’d called for help himself) was OK afterward, but it bothered me that S didn’t try to help.
OP, you know your kid and his particular issues-- It sounds like a nearby school might be more practical. I wish him success wherever he goes.
I am in your boat right now. My poor ex function Aspie is a senior. His brother is also ASD but much better EF skills).
I won’t send him more than 4 or 5 hours away. I want to be able to get in a car and be there if i have to.
My problem with support programs for him is that he will just ignore them anyway. We usually does. He keep up his IEP, but i would not count on him using any support program.
My son is pretty good about availing himself of resources. Maybe I’ve got rose colored glasses. A family friend’s daughter went from here in California to RIT without a diagnosis or resources, and didn’t do all that well, so now she is availing herself of the resources and doing much better.
The other thing that tips the scales for me about UCONN (though I do have some concerns about the travel back) was that they didn’t expect to cut me out of the loop. RIT seemed to want them to sink or swim from day one. I support that second semester, but to go from having his high school teachers proactively working with us and a case manager to having to self-advocate, I think that’s a big gulf. The director’s words to me; you know your kid best and you will be in touch with him more than we will. If there is something we need to know, call us. If we sense there is something wrong, we will call you. They can do wellness checks since I’m far away, but my son is making progress on being responsive by phone.
Will be interested to see what UCSB offers. Their autism center is 20 minutes away from campus, but the resources are free. It’s possible he will fall in love with it (he has a “friend” there) and then he’d just need to Uber twice a week. And I could hop in the car to see him if I needed to/wanted to.
Firstly, UConn is a great school and their program for students with ASD is supposed to be phenomenal. My ASD son got into UCONN and in to the honors program but he did not receive the amount of financial aid he would have needed to make it doable. He landed at another CT state university, just 15 minutes from UCONN. I was not as brave as you with having him far from home. His school and UCONN are only 30 and 45 minutes from home respectively. The downside to where he landed is there is no specific autism support although the disability office is very supportive. Academically my son is thriving with a double major, and has been initiated into 3 honor societies. Socially he has joined a few clubs, has leadership positions in 2, but has not made not even one friend. This has caused much anxiety and depression, and after meeting with a therapist in the school counseling center, he was asked to find an off campus therapist with experience dealing with students with ASD. This made me livid. With so many high functioning kids going to college, it seemed just ridiculous. I was able to help him find a therapist at a local agency. The other issue we deal with is the housing situation. He got a disability single freshman year but has since lived in upper class suites which are 4 single rooms with a kitchen, living area, a bathroom, and a showe room. Sadly due to having no friends, he went random for sophomore and his current junior year with other students in the honors program. This years roomies are decent guys but all are living off campus next year. My son does not drive, so living off campus is not doable.
Just want you to think twice before making the decision to have him across the country. I have made many trips to my son’s school to talk him through an anxious situation or to bring him home for the weekend to decompress. If your son does end up at UCONN, feel free to send me a message, and I would be happy to be a local support person for him.