@Colorado_mom, it is in a deed and not a trust. The mother has been paying all expenses.
The mother makes up her mind and then calls for advice but only wants advice agreeing with her and, I discovered after the first couple of times, edits the information she is giving you to help her get support. Then she changes her mind and then seeks confirmatory advice again, but for a different decision.
She’s generally very supportive of her kids and easily to deal with.
@twoinanddone, I have predicated our entire financial plan on the assumption that we will get $0 in inheritance.
From my mother, if we get anything, it will be small but the estate is small. From my MIL, the estate could have been large and still isn’t small, but I assume it will get diverted, screwed up etc. Also she may decide to give it to the grabby one who is in a weaker financial situation, but as I mentioned above, a significant part of that was her (and her husband’s) decision to switch to alternative-y income streams but not fully give up higher income spending habits.
@Onward, a couple of estate lawyers told me that the biggest fights in inheritance come from vacation houses, because of a) sentimental attachments; and b) differing abilities to pay to support the place.
We also have all of our finances set up assuming we will inherit nothing from parents. That’s why it’s ok if I don’t inherit anything from dad even though I should have had somewhere between 25-35K had the estate been handled correctly.
My mom left us kids and grandkids something. It’s been a nice bonus. I tried to get her to spend it on herself when she got her terminal cancer diagnosis, but she refused.
If all goes as planned for us our kids will inherit about the same as she left us - not exorbitant (nothing even approaching the “need to pay taxes on it limit”) but a nice bonus to hopefully either help them out in life or give them a nice trip or two. Some of what my mom left us was designated to be used on a family trip because she often loved traveling with us. I like to think her spirit was with us on our last one and we still have money for one more when Covid is part of the past.
My mother passed on her inheritance from her parents to the grandchildren’s 529 accounts. It was a lovely gesture and I know my grandparents would have been so proud to help fund their great grandchildren’s education. It was obviously a gift for us too as we had to tap into less of our money. We hope to do the same if we are fortunate to have grands one day.
We also never planned on an inheritance from my parents in any kind of retirement planning and we were very surprised how much was left when they died last year. We had to scramble to re-execute wills and trusts.
Believe me, our vacation home is probably not what many of you think of as a vacation home! We call it a “cottage,” and it is very small. But I have experience with the pitfalls of even a small place that is shared by family. My mom & uncle kept my grandma’s mobile home for a vacation place. I loved using it when I went north to ski. Unfortunately, a couple of us ended up having to be the caretakers/maids while others enjoyed the place without worrying about fixing things or cleaning up after themselves. It makes for tension in the family, for sure. I just don’t like being taken advantage of, and I don’t want to put myself in that situation again.
I have a cousin who had a family lake house, nothing fancy, but fun family times. One parent is dead, and one lives at the lake, aging and ok mentally, but cannot always stand up to those that want to force issues.
The nightmare of family feud they are now enduring, with one parent alive, involved multiple police calls, social services being called on the caregivers, etc.
The saddest part is that I would never have thought this could happen to that family, but there was one unhappy member who has convinced others to join their side. You just cannot predict who will sink low, and feel entirely entitled to do so.
I am surprised at just how many people have vacation homes, or lake houses or cottages. I can’t believe how many of my kid’s friends have these places. Of course it is often the grandparents, but still, the cost to maintain them and when they’re empty half the year.
We have a condo we bought in Vegas to be our snowbird place, but we bought it in 2012 and currently rent it out. It’s in a prime location and basically pays for itself but that’s the issue. It pays for itself. If we started to use it, we would be hit with the HOA and mortgage. But it has nice amenities etc. But I’m just nervous about having to start paying all that stuff so not sure when if we will ever use it. As it stands right now, the only person who will inherit it upon my death is my husband. But that’s because he doesn’t get any part of our house. If he goes first, then my kids will have to fight over it. Not that they’ve ever been there either since we haven’t spent a night there since we bought it. But all these comments make me think of the problems we may encounter when push comes to shove and everyone wants to use it, but no one wants to pay for the upkeep or expensive HOA, etc. Yikes.
We had a ski house growing up. After reading all the posts here, I’m really grateful that my parents sold off all their “extra” properties when they retired!
It’s super common where I grew up and where I live for families to have lake/river cottages they use during the summer - or hunting camps they use during the winter. Honestly I can’t remember any horror stories of passing them down in the family. I’m hearing more on here, but it can’t be the norm, can it?
I know in Michigan many had cottages. They were modest homes where the stay at home wife would take the kids for the summer and the husband would come on weekends.
I personally know many teachers, engineers, working people of my parents generation who owned cottages “up north” Michigan and Canada.
This isn’t who are buying these properties now. Lots of money, the “cottages” are behemoths. But there are inherited properties that are modest in nature.
My in laws good friends bought a property on Little Glen lake in the 1970’s for $10,000. 100’ of lakefront. Can you imagine?
My bil is getting a divorce after 30 years. He decided to sell all of their joint real estate, including their very nice cottage. His soon to be ex and her parents and siblings were very upset. They assumed that my bil would buy out his wife’s interest and let her family use the property. That they could co habituate the property while giving her 1/2 of the assessed value.
So there are plenty of people thinking they can “enjoy” the fruits of a vacation property without any of the headaches
It really must be a regional thing. I grew up in the “ fancy” suburb of the Seattle area and the only person that I knew in high school with a lake cabin was the daughter of an anesthesiologist. Maybe because nobody needed to leave in the summer because of heat and humidity?
Many people in Wisconsin had summer cabins, ski houses, fishing or hunting structures, ranging form $5000 places to $500k places. Some were not winterized but over the years most did winterize them to be used year round. The more well off you were, the nicer the cabin or the nicer the boat.
Many people in Maine have what are called “camps.” A lot of them were inherited. In the 1950s, people like teachers or police officers could afford to get places on the ocean. The problem now is that their kids can’t pay the sky high property taxes.
The prevalence of squabbles on second homes is frequent. My grandparents bought a lot on the Intracoastal Waterway in 1957 or 1958. There are 6 waterfront houses. For those 6 houses, there have been 4 family squabbles, one of which I am embroiled in now. There are always stories that go way beyond “just the house”.
Our cottage is on the inland of an island - for many years, it shared a dock with the house across the street (on the lake), which my H’s aunt’s family owned. At some point, my in laws were wise enough to get deeded access to be able to access the lake, as well as to have a dock and moor a boat. The stipulation was that we couldn’t exercise those rights as long as the aunt’s family owned the property. After the aunt died, her kids inherited the cottage. There were three kids, and two had kids & grandkids. The one who did not have kids decided she wanted to sell, and she talked the other two into selling … but she refused to sell to any of the kids/grandkids. The blowback was horrible, and the family is forever fractured. (It’s not ideal for us, as we now have to cross a stranger’s property to access the lake, plus we had to pay for a new dock, but it is what it is.)
Lots of people in our area of the midwest have cottages, but the truth is that everyone is tearing down the old places and building huge homes. It really is changing things, and it bums me out. People like us can’t afford to have a cottage anymore (which is why we’d prefer to be able to keep ours.)
Why the refusal to sell to a relative? Unless the relatives wanted to buy it for substantially less than fair market value for it, there does not seem to be a reason to refuse to sell to any of them.
