@Creekland some people really get their jollies out of being nasty to family!
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Well, Iām still on sisās naughty listā¦ everyone is who disagrees with herā¦ at least until she needs something from them or āwhateverā timer expires.
The silent treatment is refreshing sometimes - as long as I donāt let myself think about what it could be if she acted like the sister I grew up with. Itās refreshing based upon who she became as an adult.
She inherited the trait from my dad and grandma on his side. They treated people the same. Dad cut me and his grandkids out of his life for years over some perceived slight or another (on again, off again). For the last 5-10 years before he died I was on his good side though - and the kids were ever since he gave himself time to get to know them. I often wonder if he regretted the time he missed.
Thereās very little my kids could ever do to make me cut them out of their lives. Theyāre them. Iām me. Weāre allowed to be different and can still enjoy each other.
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My parents have had a vacation home since I was in elementary school. My spouse and I would like to buy it from them at some point. But I would not be surprised if they would not sell it to us in case they think it is not fair to my siblings.
They would probably leave it to us all.
Butā¦oldest sibling hardly went to vacation house when they bought it (was in HS) and has not spent the night at the house in 40 yrs (come for a day maybe 3 times). Other sib rarely went as an adult and now lives 1/2 way across the country. Other sib goes a few times a year and can continue just as she does now if we technically owned the house. (In my mind, any sibs, nieces, nephews etc can still use any time just like now.)
The sibs would all get their āshareā in their inheritance in cash v partial ownership.
Not sure how to bring it up to my parents (we arenāt ready to buy just yet)
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This sounds very complicated. Not sure it matters how often other siblings use it currently . If you really want it for personal use and donāt think your siblings care, maybe make a fair market offer now? Do you think your siblings care about the property? I personally would never want the headache of worrying about other siblings, nephews, cousins, etc. wanting access . Good luck!
My H was honest with his parents a number of years ago, telling them that we would like to keep the cottage after they pass ā¦ and that he would prefer that they set it up in the will so that his sister gets her half in cash. Because we have been taking care of the cottage for years, and because my SIL isnāt good at taking care of her own home, they were amenable to the suggestion. They didnāt handle it in quite the optimal way, but the end result is that we are supposed to inherit the cottage & the payout from the estate will take the value of the cottage into account (so his sister will get paid for half the value of the cottage). His parents were upfront about it with her.
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Do you know that the other siblings would object if you bought it? Seems like at least some of them (who use it little or none) may be glad if you bought it, either while your parents are alive, or out of the estate, so that they would not have to deal with (their share of) it.
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If you do buy, make sure the sibs know it. If they assume it was a freebie to you they may have hard feelings.
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deleted for privacy reasons
Better would be to bring it up beforehand, so that if any other wants to buy, they are free to bid on it.
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Ugh. I can relate to this vacation/lake/cottage talk so much unfortunately.
Hās family has had a cottage (not fancy - we call it one step above camping in a tent, LOL) but on a beautiful unusual beachfront property in Ontario. They bought it in the 60ās. H is one of 4 kids. He is the ONLY one of the 4 who showed interest in the cottage and who over the decades helped his dad maintain it providing SO much time and $ towards itās survival. At one point as his parents aged, his dad knew he needed to make plans for the place for when he would no longer be around. 3 of the kids wanted nothing to do with putting any money/time towards it and basically felt that if dad was alive he should keep it up and they should get to enjoy it (awful!) . My H stepped up. We agreed to a situation where we paid for his dadās long term health insurance for years and in turn he added our name to the deed.
The deal was when he died the cottage would be ours and his primary house would be part of the estate for the other 3 children. When he died, Hās sibs were VERY outspoken and angry that H āgot the cottageā - even though they showed no interest or investment in it for decades. We spent thousands a year in $ and H spend many long weekends away from me and our young children at the time trying to do the upkeep. The words exchanged were not pretty and still today the sibs relationship (more than 10 years later) is severed. The first couple of years we did allow other family members to use it but asked that they pay VERY minimal $ per night/weekend. This turned into a disaster. People didnāt follow through with paying (and H was terrible about asking for it - we had MANY arguments over this!), they left it a mess even though we posted a visible list of ācottage closingā tasks. There were several incidents of them taking advantage by bringing guests we didnāt know about, staying longer than scheduled for, etc.
Finally, we stopped allowing them. Just said that we were starting some steps towards renovation (we were, but it was going to be a very lengthy process) and would not be sharing the space. Admittedly H was terrible about confronting his family about all these issues - and the burden was falling on me - which was not ok.
So definitely a story of a vacation home putting up walls between family members. Walls that I think are foolish but here we are years later and the grudges are still there and basically my H does not see his sibs.
I wanted to shake them all and say āTHIS IS WHY WE CAN"T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!ā
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Oh, Iām so sorry about your situation. Thatās heartbreaking. Sis and I are talking with Dad about his property. The house will be sold soon but he has rental houses and a condo on the Texas coast. I have no interest in the condo and would never use it except maybe on a joint trip with Sis. Iām hoping we can get it appraised and it will count as part of Sisās share of the estate. I mentioned that but she didnāt respond. Ugh. I donāt know what she wants.
Dad is thinking about selling the rental property because heās tired of having tenants. He has a good property manager but he lost a lot of money when the tenants didnāt pay rent last year. Heās taking them to court. He knows he probably wonāt see a dime, but he wants a judgement against them on the record.
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@MaineLonghorn Iām saddened to hear that your Mom passed away.
It might be a good idea to look into the tax consequences of your Dad selling now versus holding onto the properties till he passes away. Iām not clear on the tax and inheritance laws but I know several people who are not selling while the parents are living. The parents would pay tax on the capital gains plus any depreciation that was taken. The children would again pay taxes on the estate.
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Interesting, thanks for the thoughts. I will mention it to Dad.
I donāt know the specifics on how it works, but I believe my fatherās base for tax purpose when he sold his house was linked to when my mother died and he inherited it (not when they inherited it 20 years before from my grandmother). If this is the case selling now may be fine, you need to check with a tax person (in your state).
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Definitely check with an estate tax attorney!
(Note to self: that condo in Hawaii may not be such a good idea 
).
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Itās threads like these that make me so grateful that my parents put their money in mutual funds (and cruising) instead of real estate and luxury goods. And that they set up living trusts naming my brother and myself 50-50 as beneficiaries.
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I would warn against putting a piece of real estate in a trust particularly when the trust will be split into sub- trusts. It can be a huge issue is legally complicated.
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Yes! My dad moved his vacation home into a Trust before he passed away. His will funded a specific amount of money into the trust for the taxes and maintenance of the house. The money is almost gone so now there are negotiations about how to handle property. My understanding is that neither the trustees or the beneficiaries are legally allowed to contribute money into the trust.
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My in laws were instructed by a lawyer not to put their cottage in a trust. H is on the deed, so it actually isnāt part of my MILās estate ā¦ but will sort of be due to language in her will referring to it. But who knows what is going to happen, since last night my MIL informed my H that she needs to make changes to her will ānow that (FIL) is gone.ā H told her that she doesnāt need to do anything, because everything from his trust went directly to her, and the will just splits what is left when the second deceased (MIL) passes. She announced that she plans to make changes. Oh, boy ā¦ they set things up pretty well. She is now 94 and gets mixed up a lot. H thinks all she wants to do is remove her alma mater from a charitable remainder trust that she inherited from FIL (the school is in serious financial difficulty, and she considers it a waste to continue supporting them). All she has to do is remove that school & determine percentages for the remaining two charities listed. I always helped FIL with that stuff, but MIL has told me to butt out now that heās gone. I imagine itās possible we could have some surprises when the time comes, since we doubt sheāll share the paperwork like FIL did, but itās her money to do with as she wishes.
My sibs wouldnāt care if I bought the place. They would be happy (we all get along well). They probably think Iāll end up w it anyway.
And yes, I would pay fair market value. And clear it w my sibs before my parents and I did anything.
After reading this thread, I feel like it might be easier to buy if vs it being left to 4 of us.
It would probably always feel like my parentsā place - in a good way!
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