That’s very good to know and I really hope he wins TBH. His situation is very sad. She’s never been a candidate for Mother of the Year, but there’s so much outright vindictiveness there and always has been. Both of my parents (divorced) tried to get custody of the boy, and eventually they did, but not until he was in high school and a lot of damage had been done. Back in the 80s and early 90s everyone turned an eye to a lot of abuse - even social services.
There’s a reason dad left him things and a place to live. (Mom too.) They both knew she wouldn’t “do right” by him.
I’ve been saving all the texts she sends me in case courts ever want to see any of them. The “running out the estate one” she hasn’t texted though - just told me a couple of times in person or on the phone.
I haven’t read the entire thread, but that’s what we’ve specified in our will. Our 1917 Steinway grand piano, which my husband’s piano teacher left him, has been restored and is very valuable. After we die, the piano will be appraised and that amount will be deducted from my daughter’s part of the inheritance. We are just thrilled she is a pianist and will appreciate the gift. We told all three kids the plan.
The most common reason I have heard (from a friend who is a family law/trusts and estates lawyer) for stalling on the resolution of the estate is trying to run out the clock on an ill heir where that person’s portion of the inheritance would go to the other siblings if that person is deceased. So the foot dragging has an actual financial upside for the executor- settle it now, the ill heir gets their share. Delay- the remaining heirs split the ill heirs portion.
I have never heard of someone dragging their feet to try and get another $100 from selling a bureau or $50 from an endtable, all the while incurring expenses which must be paid before anything gets distributed. That’s absurd-- and absolutely not part of a “no contest” clause.
And you don’t have to “prove” that she’s intentionally dragging her feet with a text- the facts are the facts- date of death, today’s date, total amount going out of the estate to pay utilities, taxes, etc. with no compelling reason for the delay (like a complicated partnership which needs to be unwound, malpractice litigation against a medical practice which has a material impact on the value of the business, etc.).
We sold the house before covid hit, 2 years ago. Obviously we didn’t know the future or else would’ve waited even with paying $16,000 in property taxes and the constant upkeep of a 150 year old home (the main water line to the street gave up a few weeks before closing). It had a heated built in pool too, a huge covid move to the suburbs must here.
It really depends on the type and value of the furniture. It may well be that when the estate is settled, the daughter will not want the furniture. It may also be that mid-century modern will not be worth as much by then and you will be happy for her to take it. I would not think an appraisal now would reveal the real worth at the time of settlement. To me, it would also depend on whether others in the family want the furniture or if the daughter doesn’t take it, it will either have to sold or given away. I would not really worry about the value unless there are one or two pieces that are exceptional and that either I or my kids wanted.
My in-laws had art, artifacts and some pieces of antique furniture appraised and the appraised value was counted as part of the inheritance for whoever took it. Nobody argued that the appraised value was not the value it could actually sell for. Most of the everyday furniture and housewares were not included. One of the sibs argued that he had been told he could have certain items, and therefore the value should not be deducted from his “inheritance”. This sibling was also upset to learn that the money he had borrowed from his parents and never repaid was specifically noted in the will and counted against his share. They then did a round robin pick and everyone ended up reasonably happy.
I’m feeling very grateful for my brother! I’m so sorry for those of you who had to deal with thorny inheritance issues. It’s such a hard time as it is.
My H’s sister also has a loan that is specifically noted in the will. The amount is not noted, but the document and its location is. SIL has the key to the safety deposit box it’s in … but I have a copy of the document that my FIL gave me before he passed away. Guess he worried it might disappear.
My parents gifted my brother a good amount of money when they were alive. He needed it. I didn’t. My dad wanted to amend the will to reflect those gifts but I asked him not to do that and just keep everything split evenly. It made it so much easier to deal with all the other stuff without having to worry about hard feelings.
I hope you’re right and his lawyer is on it. Dad’s estate is so minimal I’m also expecting lawyer fees to take up most of it. Sis has been through 2 already and is now on her 3rd. Each one was “great,” until they weren’t. The first one I agree with her - super, super slow and incompetent even when she did paperwork. The second “turned bad” when I suspect he told her things she didn’t want to hear. She sells a good story to anyone listening. It can take a while for them to discover what is really going on.
Changing lawyers also slows things down and uses more money, of course.
I mainly want the boy (in his 30s now) to get the property dad wanted him to have. I’ve offered to give her the place dad left me if he gets it - or she can sell it to pay all the bills (not worth much, I was offered 25K back when he died) - but she just emphasizes that no one is getting anything. The other “interesting” aspect? All the “valuable stuff” (within his coin collection) he left her has been “stolen.” She blames her son, of course. The rest of us just note that she’s had a lot of money to spend (gave my uncle 15K before he died) and doesn’t work - only income is workman’s comp due to an old knee injury making it “impossible” for her to have “any” job.
Like I said, it’s a mess. I’m happier pretending it doesn’t exist, but I promised both mom and dad I would watch out for her son. He has a lot of negatives in his life due to her (starting with her refusing to stop drinking when she was pregnant with him). But he tries, and tries hard at what he can do. They didn’t want him slipping through the cracks any more than has already happened.
H and I have seriously mulled buying the place if she puts it up for sale and then giving it to him, but it might go for more than we can afford (and more than mom gave me to help him out).
To those of you who say walnut is out of fashion, why are timber buyers looking so hard and paying so much for good standing walnut trees? Do they use that wood for something else?
Personally, I love dark wood and still make it my first choice when I buy. We just don’t need much, so hardly affect the market. Now I’m hoping to get a good deal on a queen sized walnut bed in the near future though as we’re upgrading our guest room soon.
My in laws are committed to everything being split 50/50. They have done that forever, including paying for our D’s braces because they were paying for something for their D’s son at the time. It’s just super important to them that it all be even (they were upset that H got less from the house than his sister, but we assured them that it was okay). H is going to inherit the family cottage, which we have been taking care of for years. The will stipulates exactly how that will work.
My parents have always tried to be exactly equal, and what a pain. It is hard to do that and feelings are inevitably hurt. We’ve told our kids we won’t be equal. We will be fair but we might not be equal.
I am the executor of my mother’s will. I have 3 sisters. One of the 3 never got along with my folks, left home young, has had little contact with my mother or late father.
I have a suspicion that in my mother’s will she wants her assets equally divided between myself and the 2 sisters who have been there for her. I dread what will happen if my long lost sister comes around wanting her share. My job as executor is to follow through on my mother’s wishes, right? So I will have no choice. I really need to carefully read mom’s will so I can be prepared should all this transpire.
I was my parents’ executor and I did do things outside the scope of the will. My parents always helped out their sisters and even though they weren’t named in the will, my brother and I decided that we would gift them part of our inheritance. We had to be careful with gift tax limits but it can be done.
My mom wanted to do that with sis - totally skip her and give her share to her grandson. I talked mom into giving sis an equal share to me in her will, and her grandson (and I) got more outside her will. Sis doesn’t know about the outside the will part. It’s saved me a lot of headache and possible contention of her will. It does mean sis got “some” though (which I’m ok with TBH).
I don’t know if it could help anyone else out in the future, but I write it here just in case.
The best advice I got as a young parent of two was that being fair shouldn’t mean doing the exact same thing for both children, it should mean giving each child what he/she needs.
We told all three kids the plan.