There’s this one kid who graduated last year who said so many amazing things that we started recording them. He’s huge, Chinese, and incredibly smart but… lacks common sense sometimes. You can’t get the full effect without his name, so I hope he never googles himself:</p>
<p>English teacher: An albatross is like a seagull with a 10-foot wingspan.
Fanfan: SUCH A CREATURE EXISTS?!</p>
<p>(on a field trip to Baltimore)
Homeless guy in Baltimore: Where you guys from?
Fanfan: [our city]. I take it you live around here?</p>
<p>Me: Can I see your answer for number ten?
Fanfan: Sure, but it’s gonna cost you… your virginity.</p>
<p>Kristin: Wait you don’t have parents?
Fanfan: No, I just popped out of some rocks.</p>
<p>Alicia: I’m feeling sick.
Fanfan: Do you have morning sickness?
Alicia: It’s 4 PM, Fanfan.
Fanfan: Wait, don’t you have to be pregnant to have morning sickness?</p>
<p>Fanfan: Anna, is your sister hot?
Anna: I wouldn’t know…
Fanfan: Can you introduce me to her?</p>
<p>Fanfan: Why we eat at legal seafood Mr. Abrahm?
Mr. Abrahms: Because that’s where we eat.
Fanfan: Why we no eat illegal seafood Mr. Abrahm, it’d probably be cheaper because fish is criminals!
Mr. Abrahms: Hmpf.</p>
<p>Fanfan: When I was in seventh grade, I had this teacher named Ms. Vagiano. But I had just come to America so every time I said her name…
Physics teacher: Fanfan, you can stop this story now. </p>
<p>(to Physics teacher) “We have homework already?! This is like Nazi camp.”</p>
<p>“What is the queef?”</p>
<p>“I have perfect ear vision.”</p>
<p>“Mr. Vennard? My name is Fanfan and I was wondering if you had a sombrero I could borrow.”