<p>I just saw a recommendation for this new book on the IndieNext list put out by Independent Booksellers. It is by Amy Chua, who along with her Jewish husband, raised her two daughters in a way that has often been discussed here on the forum. It would be really interesting to get feedback from parents here if anyone reads it.</p>
<p>I will be very interested to read this book. From the little that I have seen, I feel sorry for the author and husband, her children, and any young people who come into contact with her in her professional capacity. But I will reserve final judgment until I have actually read the book…</p>
<p>Disclaimer - many, many high-achieving young people in our extended family, with various upbringings that did not involve anything approaching this amount of parental rigidity.</p>
<p>From the advance reviews, it appears that the extremely harsh method practiced by the author “worked” 50% of the time–that is, it “worked” for one child, but not the other. And for the one for whom it “worked,” it made her a very good musician and student, as well as “polite” and “well-spoken.”</p>
<p>Just read some of the reviews, and think it may be worth picking it up at the library when it comes available.</p>
<p>Here at CC we see the result of “Chinese” parenting, but most examples come from children of at least average learning ability who have parents who were well-educated in their home countries. Two questions that come instantly to my mind are:
Do Chinese parents who aren’t well-educated practice this kind of “extreme” parenting?
What do Chinese-style parents do when they have a kid who does indeed have clear and present learning disabilities?</p>
<p>Chinese parenting is very similar to Jewish parenting. Both are with very strong parent involvement and encouragement (carrot and stick). Usually, children grow up under this type of environment tend to work harder and care about their grade and advancement in class. It is a matter of culture. In terms of IQ’s, there is no reason to believe there are major differences among different races.</p>
<p>The “Chinese method” isn’t the right pattern for every family. If it works for a particularly family, great. But we’ve all read about the unfortunate Chinese-American undergraduate (or God forbid, high schooler) who jumps off a ledge somewhere because she felt she couldn’t conform to her parents’ demanding acdemic standards. I won’t pretend to know anything about the immigrant experience of people from Asia. But it seems like rebellion by the American-born generation is occuring more often.</p>
<p>I just pre-ordered it for my Kindle. While I agree that American parenting is often too permissive, I have a feeling that I will view her parenting style as just the opposite extreme. In any case, I’m confident that it will be a fascinating read.</p>
<p>Yes, I’ll be interested to read this, too. I wonder what the rationale is for banning sleep-overs. They’re good practice for college IMHO.</p>
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<p>I don’t know of any Chinese parents who are highly educated practice any kind of this so called “extreme” parenting. In fact a lot of them who have obtained degrees from the “best schools” and are very successful in their professional lives are fairly relaxed in parenting their children knowing that some distractions won’t hurt. No one would care in your adult social circle that you were the best piano or violin player in your area pre-college and hardly anyone cares where you went to college.</p>
<p>I find those parents who push their kids relentlessly are usually those who were denied opportunities in music lessons in their childhood or admissions to tippy top schools in the hopes of living vicariously through their kids. They want to give their kids what they didn’t or still don’t have. However, they also forget that in spite of the lack of desired opportunities or credentials, they are doing very well and generally fairly happy.</p>
<p>If Amy Chua is not exaggerating in her book, then she is really an exception.</p>
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“Fairly” happy, perhaps, but that’s not the kind of happiness that they want for their kids. Conversely, would you be satisfied if your kids were “fairly unhappy” with their lives? After all, then they’re also “fairly” happy.</p>
<p>Anecdotally, I would generalize that Chinese immigrant parents who hold advanced degrees from Western universities are more relaxed in parenting style. OTOH, an all-Chinese education usually means having spent less time in the US and thus less cultural assimilation.</p>
<p>"if your kids were “fairly unhappy” with their lives…then they’re also “fairly” happy.</p>
<p>I don’t think fairly happy means fairly unhappy. I would LOVE for my kids to end up fairly happy!</p>
<p>I know I’m going off topic, but I usually ask kids "on a scale of one to ten, with 1 as sad as you can imagine, and 10 as happy as you can imagine, what number most of the time? Can you remember higher? Lower? If my kids are mostly 7’s with occasional nines, and not too many three’s I will be quite satisfied!</p>
<p>I don’t know about the author of the book, but I also think that some Chinese parents may be subject to peer pressure themselves from other parents–so it may depend on the community they live in to some extent.</p>
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<p>Stick? There’s supposed to be a stick in Jewish parenting?</p>
<p>There is no need for an actual stick–*guilt *is the stick.</p>
<p>For some reason I was reading schtick!</p>
<p>I am looking forward to reading it…I see it live and in person everyday, but reading her perspective might fill in some of the missing pieces.</p>
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<p>I’ve never banned sleep-overs, but I certainly don’t encourage them. In my experience, the kids get little or no sleep, so they end up sleeping the day away on Saturday, then stay up too late on Saturday night, etc. In other words, because it interferes with one night’s sleep, it can affect what gets done the entire weekend. (And you can’t be sleeping in on Saturday morning if that is when your violin lesson is.)</p>
<p>I know one 15 year old Asian girl (not Chinese) who is not allowed to watch TV. Is it possible to send your kid to a sleepover and say “but no TV.” (My D saw her first R rated movie at about the age of 8 at the home of someone I thought I knew well.)</p>
<p>Food is also an issue with some people. Once we took a little girl home from a gymnastics meet with us, to sleep over with D. I stopped by McDonalds on the way home. The girl was delighted, as she said (after we had our food) that she had never been to a McDonalds. (The mom probably hated me when she found out.)</p>
<p>The stick is the bitter tears of your mother. Your mother, who loves you more than anything else in the world!</p>
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Who you are killing.</p>
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<p>Too funny. However, I would disagree that “Chinese” parenting is similar to Jewish parenting. I think there are some significant differences although both have a strong emphasis on education.</p>