Battles Looming Over Son's Procrastination Finishing His Applications

Parents Forum
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<p>There’s one of these threads every year this time.</p>

<p>Unfortunately he will get them done- and if they aren’t perfect, then he will not be admitted to all schools on the list- but he will be admitted somewhere on the list.</p>

<p>The stress is overwhelming for students. Once the winter break starts, see if he can see the days ahead on a calendar and commit to getting one out each day until the December 30/31 deadlines.</p>

<p>He will have 10 days once school is out-- and it’s really only two essays to write. It’s not that bad.</p>

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<p>[The</a> unsuccessful self-treatment of a case of ?writer’s block?](<a href=“http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1311997/?page=1]The”>The unsuccessful self-treatment of a case of “writer's block” - PMC)</p>

<p>(I know it’s only funny when it is not your kid procrastinating with essays, but still could not resist posting ;))</p>

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<p>Thankfully I didn’t go through this last year with my D, but as she debriefed me at the end of the day during the Fall of senior year I heard this tale about almost every high achieving male senior at her school. Made their moms, guidance counselors, and the gifted counselors crazy. I recall a comment that “x just requested that transcripts be sent today” during exam week, which is the week before Christmas. </p>

<p>I will say that she ruthlessly chopped 4 schools from her list during the Fall as she realized that she didn’t want to go to those schools enough to endure writing the extra essays. And she ended up where she was supposed to be in August. </p>

<p>Hoping that D2 doesn’t procrastinate in 2 years…</p>

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<p>No, I think it is still funny even if YOU are a procrastinator. It also shows that academic jounal editors have a sense of humor.</p>

<p>By the way, my posts are not intended to advocate for one path over another. But it seemed like there was a near-consensus for a passive/hands off approach, and I wanted to broaden the conversation.</p>

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<p>In a broader picture, when I think about this dilemma and continue to notice my obsession over what my son is or isn’t doing, I realize that this is only one of many times I will be in this position as he continues to grow into a man. I have a grown son (33) and there are still times I can be up fretting over problems in his life, times I think he’s not managing things “right,” etc. It doesn’t stop, and I think our kids need us to let them live their lives and reap the good and bad consequences. That’s on one hand…and on the other, I can imagine pushing/forcing/finagling and him thanking me later for what HE was able to accomplish. Maybe that’s where my struggle comes from–if I came clearly down on the fence one way or another, I’d be able to relax knowing I was doing what I thought was right. But I don’t know…</p>

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<p>UT, catching up and your posts gave me such a chuckle. Sunday night here was just so cliche, right out of a bad made for tv movie. Having never had a cross word with our son and then it just escalated so rapidly; all of the angst that had built up this fall just burst. DH actually blurted out, “We’re not paying over $200K for you to make dumb choices now!” I just cringed. I wonder what all our sons (it does seem to be sons!) would say if they read our posts today! They’d all collectively roll their eyes at our Momma Drama and say, 'Don’t worry Chief, we’ve got it covered!". I now make him sit down when I nag, looking all the way up at him has me feeling like i’ve totally lost the upper hand. Good luck chai, know I’m having an amaretto right after our sit-down tonight!</p>

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<p>Wow! I know exactly how you feel. </p>

<p>One thing I can say is that once my D finished a couple of supplements, she saw how similar the other questions were. She has been able to reuse (with tweaking) some of the questions. I think this greatly reduced her anxiety and has made her more motivated. Each supplement she does, she is more motivated.</p>

<p>Another good idea is I sat down with her and a copy of all the supplements. She brainstormed on all the questions and I wrote down what she was thinking. Now, she pulls out the copy from her college file box and looks at her notes before she writes.</p>

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<p>breathedeeply, i loved the line, “We’re not paying over $200K for you to make dumb choices now.” that one really had me cracking up. And believe me, I need it today!</p>

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<p>chai… {{{ }}}s to you.</p>

<p>You mentioned your son has gotten into a couple safeties. Could it be that he is happy with those choices and does not want to apply anywhere else, has that been discussed?</p>

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<p>learninginprog, my son is not interested in his safeties and hasn’t really thought too seriously about them…he sees them as safeties, so I don’t think that’s what’s stopping him.</p>

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<p>Chai: If grounding him has never been your style, then now is not the time to start. Have you tried the famous “you owe it to yourself” approach?</p>

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<p>college4three: all I hear back is, “I’ve got it covered.” Or “No problem.” Anyway tomorrow he hears from one of his top three schools–early action. Whether or not he gets in will probably have a lot to do with his motivation as the next couple of weeks go on.</p>

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<p>^^^hang tight then. Hopefully the results tomorrow will help narrow down the list. I think a good plan of action was mentioned earlier, to sit down with all of the supplements and see which may overlap. As he starts to see what is actually required of him, he may feel the push to start. Good luck and keep us posted.</p>

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<p>Runner88 - D is for Dear</p>

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<p>It’s hard to know the dividing line between effective nagging and relationship-destroying nagging. Also, it’s hard to know how much difference the damn essays make in the admissions process. And finally, it’s hard to know how much better those essays could potentially be – maybe all the nagging and polishing in the world isn’t going to make them all that much better! Therefore, take it easy on yourself. You may not be making the optimal choice, but it’s not a trivial exercise to know what the optimal choice even is. </p>

<p>My son had fabulous scores, pretty good grades (only pretty good for reasons that directly paralleled his approach to writing essays!), sent in as his major common app essay a discourse on the importance of wasting plenty of time with your homeboys in high school, and how proud he was of having invented a dumb ball game with them that ate up countless weekend afternoons. Also, he procrastinated something awful (thankfully, I forget the details of dates and times, but we did not have a pleasant winter break). He was denied at the 2 Ivies he applied to, wait-listed at 3 top-20’s and denied at 1, and accepted everywhere else, including 1 top-20, 3 top-50’s and his state flagship’s honors college. I <em>think</em> his results would have been better with a more mature essay subject, and with more time spent on supplemental essays but I’m not entirely certain that’s true. </p>

<p>He is very happy where he ended up (and he didn’t choose the most prestigious of his acceptances, either) and will end up with an excellent degree - BS in Biochemistry with Honors.</p>

<p>I have to say that he was very hostile and emotionally fragile in the face of any nagging and pressure that I did bring to bear on him. Maybe, looking back on it all, the better option would have been for me to hire someone to act as a go-between - being accountable to a ‘professional college counselor’ for getting your essays revised might have been preferable (to him at least) to having Mom and Dad hanging around being all dubious about your fabulous invisible powers of last-minute heroic application writing. </p>

<p>Kid #2 (a daughter) was pretty much the opposite - a worrier and a planner. She was accepted at her ultimate-choice Ivy via EA, and I have to tell you her essays were just not going to light anyone’s fire. They were competent, sweet, nice…but that’s it. I guarantee they did not get her into that school, or any of the other very good places that admitted her. She is blossoming into a much better writer - for example, she wrote a couple of essays this fall for a competitive summer program that knocked my socks off. They were personal, direct, revealing (in a good way) and fresh. She didn’t make it into the program, however. Apparently, it’s just not all about essays.</p>

<p>My takeaway – if you can’t get your son to do his essays early and well without going to war, then don’t bother. It’s not likely to make as much difference as you think. If your son ends up at his 2nd or 3rd choice school instead of his current 1st choice will he be devastated? My guess is that if the answer’s ‘yes’, then he probably isn’t a big procrastinator anyway. </p>

<p>There’s so much second-guessing we can all do about our parenting choices, but there are many other variables in play – kids have different capabilities, personalities and desires; admissions committees make their decisions in ways that are inscrutable and unpredictable, and the real role of the essay in any particular application is difficult to judge with any certainty. </p>

<p>So that’s my story so far (kid # 3 will be applying next year. Stay tuned.) Meanwhile, pass the merlot.</p>

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<p>Reading through these posts, I can sympathize with you parents. I have classmates who have procrastinated on their applications (notably the University of California applications) and the stress from that alone affects their mood, even subtly. </p>

<p>I have already completed all of my college apps (was done this past Sunday). Taking it from a student’s perspective, students my age do have the tendencies to put college apps off at this period in time. However, its not a good idea. Rushing everything at the last minute is probably the worst thing you could ever do. No time to refine your essays, no time to complete everything with a sound mind. It is hectic. </p>

<p>However, I was very fortunate because I started the college application process over the summer, and the fear of me procrastinating was one motivation for me to finish everything before I get bit in the butt hard. At this stage in your 17/18-year old son and/or daughter’s lives, they do need to make sacrifices, especially when it comes to college apps. For me, I spent my weekends and quite a few weekdays working on what I could. It was painful, but it was well worth it because I don’t have to worry about college apps anymore and focus on school a bit more. And relax during Christmas break, which I’m looking forward to! And start the financial aid process during my relaxing period.</p>

<p>Right now, what students are doing with their college apps right now can make a difference for the next four years. Putting it off = recipe for disaster. Is it worth it for students to gamble their future away by putting things off until the last minute?</p>

<p>To the OP: Remind your son that his procrastination will affect his future dearly if he does not get his act together. He’s heading toward that path if he does not take this seriously and make some necessary sacrifices to get this done.</p>

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<p>The original poster’s son sounds like he is in relatively good shape, so I really don’t see what the problem is. He has done the common app, has gotten into safeties, and will soon hear from an early action school. All of my kids did supplements during the holiday/winter break in senior year, and it worked out fine. I think you should relax!</p>

<p>One caveat would be if a kid was truly, and uncharacterisically paralyzed, and denying them help w/organizing the applications would mean that they would have no options for the next fall. If this kind of paralysis was habitual, I would not help, but with one of mine, who sort of froze for a few weeks in there, I did “nudge” things quite a bit.</p>

<p>But I don’t think there are signs of paralysis here, with most of the application already done for RD, and applications already in at safeties and EA. And the son already has places to go in the fall.</p>

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<p>It takes time to develop the maturity necessary to deal with a large and stressful task such as college applications on your own. Some young people, like your son, are ready for this much independence at 17; others are not.</p>

<p>Both of my kids needed some help with the college application process. But both were successful in college, and four years later, both handled the application processes for their next steps in life (graduate school for one, a job for the other) independently.</p>

<p>Needing assistance with the college application process does not necessarily predict failure.</p>

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<p>This is such a PROCESS in the worst sense of the word. Unique to each student. DS1 procrastinated, delayed, avoided, except in retrospect, where he really wanted to go - I have to admit that those essays were stellar, though done at the 11th, nail-bitten hour, and, I believe, those essays moved him and his rocky senior year grades into deferral and not deny piles. DS2 started out like a rocketship, all go - and did a very good job with the initial applications. Now, he’s out of fuel, waiting for an EA result. The undone applications for him are super-reaches, with long supplements, and I simply do not know if he will regroup to get them done if the EA is a denial.</p>

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<p>I skipped the posts after number 15 (I really should get back to work), so this might not be appropriate for your son, but this is my second time around, and I’d encourage my son to find a school he might like with no supplemental essays. Sure, these wont be the popular CC schools, but one thing I have learned is that some kids don’t belong at those schools, even if they can get in. I think the KIDS that hang out on this forum ( shout out to WillDasnail!) are often a different breed than the kids of the PARENTS who hang out here, and those kids might be on different trajectories. Even when they have the same “stats”.</p>

<p>I’m not saying that’s where your son will end up, but I tell MY son, there are places even for kids who can’t get themselves to write supplemental essays.</p>

<p>Oh! The coffee shop thing worked well for my class of 08 daughter. We had a weekly date. But you don’t want to hear what she said about the experience as we toasted in the New Year. She got into an uber reach. While it took some major adjustments to hang with the non-procrastinators, and she is still behind the curve with being the “opposite of a procrastinator”, she is very pleased with how it turned out.</p>