<p>So I have a roommate who goes to bed extremely early. I'm not talking about 10 or 11 PM.. I'm talking about 4 PM or 7 PM. Last semester I didn't really have a problem with this and I have no idea what changed this semester, but it's really starting to get on my nerves. I do most of my homework in the afternoon since I have early classes and really late classes, but its frustrating because if I don't do something in the afternoon and save if for after my last class, the lights are already off and if I try and turn on a desk lamp she says it's to light.</p>
<p>I tried compromising by putting a towel over the lamp, but I'm sick and tired of being in the dark all the time. It's ok if it's once in a while, but it's like this everyday. The shades are down and the lights are off by 4-7 PM. The most frustrating part of all of this is that she doesn't even have to get up early for morning classes. She starts her days in the afternoon and I'm always out of the room before she is and I'm also the last one back from classes. I've tried asking her multiple times if we can just keep the light on for a little longer and she complies, but complains the entire time and constantly repeats herself saying "It's to bright… It's to bright…" and when I turn the desk lamp on and the main lights off.. "It's too bright.." I might as well just have the lights off because I can't get any work done when she's constantly talking.</p>
<p>I've tried going to the lounges… multiple lounges.. but there are always other girls are boys in there talking and hanging out. I've tried the library, but the quiet rooms aren't exactly quiet. I just want to do my homework in my room. I just don't know how to go about expressing myself even more than I already have.</p>
<p>Going on to the food problem. Every time I get something from the store she asks if she can have some. I am all for sharing, but she asks me every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. She asks me if I'm going to finish something and if I say yes she says "well you should give me some of that." I've shared in the beginning, but after the 4th week and however many days I'm just getting really irritated. She also steals all my nutella and leaves cookie crumbs in it with whatever she was dipping, which is usually my oreos. I never brought food to school before, my other roommate did, so I never really understood my other roommates complaints, but now I'm starting to. She also asks me to buy her things because she has no money ever and spends it all on cigarettes. If I say no to buying her something she will sound all pathetic and say something like "If I had money I'd buy you food." which makes me just feel down right awful, but I spend so much money on her I'm just done. It's my money and I worked hard for it over the winter break.</p>
<p>She always makes me feel bad for saying no, but I'm tired of saying yes. I'm tired of the lights being turned off extremely early. I'm tired of her stealing my food and or asking me and making me feel bad if I say no. I'm tired of telling her again and again and I really just need some advise about how to handle this because I'm freaking out.</p>
<p>Buy her a sleeping mask and ear plugs. She is being unreasonable. Tell her no you can’t give her any food because you are on a tight budget. Sorry, but I just can’t afford it.
Do you have an ra? Could you talk to them?</p>
<p>If she is going to bed at 4 or 7 and isn’t up before dawn, she is depressed. I mean in the technical sense. Is she leaving the room at all? Does she seem to have friends or a social life? Is it possible she isn’t getting out and eating (rather than being merely a complete mooch)? </p>
<p>Maybe I’ll try that out then! I’ll talk to her and see if she can wear ear plugs and a mask on those days she wants to go to bed insanely early.</p>
<p>I live in a triple, with a new roommate for this semester, who doesn’t like the lights turned off that early, but doesn’t care enough to say anything. She’s more annoyed by the fact that she asks to turn them off AFTER she has already turned them off.</p>
<p>She goes out all the time. Definitely more than I do, but for some reason, if it’s not the weekend, she comes back around that time and sleeps and sometimes wakes up around 10 and goes out and then comes back 15 minutes later and turns the lights back out.</p>
<p>The deal with her is sort of when she want’s to sleep everyones gotta sleep and if she decides to wake up everyone has to wake up. If we don’t wake up she will be really loud and or actually start talking to me and my other roommate when we clearly are trying to sleep and sometimes go as far as to tap us awake.</p>
<p>I also agree about the depression comment…this is not “normal”, healthy college student behavior. Perhaps if you have an RA you can get advice from him or her? this should not be your problem, other than notifying someone in charge who can follow up with her.</p>
<p>Going out on a limb here, but could she be doing this just to ‘dominate’ you guys. Sure sounds like she just wants to call the shots and maybe by making you jump she gets a little thrill. Together, the two of you need to tell her the lights are not out until 10, no swiping food, if you want me to get you something give me the $ and ill get it when I go, otherwise please don’t ask, and please respect quiet time when anyone is sleeping. Jeez, I feel I know this prima Donna. My D had a friend just like her who came on a trip with us. You two need to set some ground rules.</p>
<p>She goes out. She goes out more than me. She has lot’s of friends here and people are constantly hitting her up to chill. She goes home for a day usually on the weekends also, but comes back the next day. I don’t know exactly, but I don’t get the feeling of depression from her. I’ve dealt with that a lot in my family and I just don’t get that vibe from her.</p>
<p>I know, who am I to say whether or not she is, but trust me. If you met her you wouldn’t get that impression.</p>
<p>Going out on a limb here, but could she be doing this just to ‘dominate’ you guys. Sure sounds like she just wants to call the shots and maybe by making you jump she gets a little thrill. Together, the two of you need to tell her the lights are not out until 10, no swiping food, if you want me to get you something give me the $ and ill get it when I go, otherwise please don’t ask, and please respect quiet time when anyone is sleeping. Jeez, I feel I know this prima Donna. My D had a friend just like her who came on a trip with us. You two need to set some ground rules.</p>
<p>YES. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES. She’s even told me once, because we are both Capricorns, that we like to have our way. She told me this when I wouldn’t give her a soda. I think maybe that’s exactly it. Plus she’s an only child at home because her brother’s and sister’s are older than her. Maybe that’s what really sparked my irritation. We went on a trip recently and she was trying to make me buy tomato sauce for absolutely no reason. She was trying to lead me to the register and I told her I would meet her outside and she looked at me and said “wait you need to pay for this though…” and I walked out and said I wasn’t going to pay for random things she wants. It never had been that bad before.</p>
<p>Some people just take advantage of others if they’re allowed to, and it sounds like she’s either deliberately taking advantage of you or just really wants attention. If you think there’s a bigger issue, you could tell an RA that you’re concerned about her, but to be honest, some people are just like this. The only thing you can do is just say no, be direct, and don’t feel guilty about it.</p>
<p>Ask her to wear an eye mask if she wants to go to bed earlier, and agree to set up a lights out time, like ten or eleven–something that’s later than she wants but earlier than what you might do if she’s not there. Or offer to turn off the main light and use a desk lamp, but don’t cave and have the lights out all the time. Maybe you can get a desk lamp that allowed you to shine the light away from her side of the room so it’s not as blinding. Tell her what you’ve tried, and say it’s really your last option. If her comments about it being too bright bother you, get ear plugs.</p>
<p>When she asks for food, just tell her no. Say that you really don’t like sharing food, and you had only agreed earlier because you felt bad, but you really don’t have the money to share your food and buy her things. Suggest that she get a job if she can’t afford to buy food. Isn’t she on a meal plan? Tell her not to eat your food, and keep it on your side of the room if you have too. Hide your things if you have to.</p>
<p>And if she wakes you up in the morning, ask her to be quieter because you’re trying to sleep. If ahe talks to you or pokes you, tell her your trying to sleep, and if she keeps doing it, don’t respond. It’s like training a small child not to cause trouble just to get her attention.</p>
<p>Don’t feel guilty. You’ve tried to be nice and understanding, and she’s taking advantage of you.</p>
<p>Thank you baktrax. That is extremely helpful and that’s exactly what I’m going to do! I’m going to be the NO girl from now on when it comes to what she wants. Thank you for the advise! I really appreciate it!</p>
<p>She is a master manipulator and she is testing your limits.
She is taking advantage of your good nature so don’t spend one more cent on her.
She has money to go out and cigs, she can buy her own food.
Lock up your cash, snacks and soda.
Tell her do not touch anything that is yours.
Tell her stop asking you for stuff, stop asking you to share, the answer is no.
Tell her you will study in your room until 1030pm.
Get earplugs so you don’t have to listen to her complain.
Grow a backbone and stop letting her walk all over you.
Don’t worry about being portrayed as a a b*tch by her, she will move on to manipulate others when you don’t play by her rules.</p>
<p>I agree, she seems to enjoy pushing you around. It would not be reasonable for a college student to expect lights out before 10 pm, so try that. I suggest you invest in an LED headlamp, you can read in bed or walk around the room without much light escaping. If it’s allowed, she should get curtains around her bed or a mask, and earplugs. And stop feeding her unless you were planning to throw it out anyhow. Maybe if she weren’t sleeping through dinner, she wouldn’t be so hungry. I would discuss what’s been going on with the RA now, and what steps you are taking to compromise without being taken advantage of, just so that you may have more credibility if the situation escalates and someone has to move out or something.</p>
<p>Will your other roommate back you up? If you both stood firm it will change quicker. Oh, and don’t fall for her pouting when she doesn’t get her way , no matter what. She just wants to manipulate using plan B. and like math tone said, consult the RA now and give the heads up as to what has been going on. Collegeprobs143, you have been too nice. She has taken advantage. You might want to even write down the rules and post them to reinforce the point. Maybe not. Don’t confuse standing up for yourself with being mean, no matter what the stubborn Capricorn says! </p>
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