<p>MomofWildChild ! [Great screen-name by the way!] I have sort of the reverse situation. S was rejected outright at his one early school, and sometimes I wonder (sitting here still not knowing where he will go in September) if we should have used that one ED/EA shot at another one of his schools? I think this sort of regret is tough to get over because there is not closure on the "what-ifs" until the kid leaves in September, I suppose.</p>
<p>But after all this time on CC, I thought I would be smarter about now regarding how the outcomes would turn out.</p>
<p>R-dad,
I think this entire process is such a crap-shoot. Don't kick yourself. This is the hardest period of time, and the what-ifs can be overwhelming. (I imagine especially for parents of a kid rejected EA; and I'm remember Berurah last year, but it all worked out fantastically for her S). March is like the long steep incline of a roller coaster ride before it goes nuts with drops, turns and loops. You've got a lot of company here from those going through it and those who've been and those who will be. Try to just focus on spending time with your boy and enjoying his senior year (I know, I know, you probably already do and are... and the regrets still keep poking their way in). Hang in there! :)</p>
<p>I did the same thing as Mom with "2 incas" :) with my son turning down USC. It was irrational. I am laughing now. The financial offer was too good to be true and acceptance into a limited field and here my kid was going off to the midwest to a school I had never heard of in my life until a year before. I remember I kept asking, "are you sure?" I finally had to tell myself to get a life. It has turned out just great for him. Moral: Kids know best. And if they don't, too bad. They too will learn. Let 'em go.</p>
<p>It was Cornell. The requirement was that you needed to take the same courses required by Cornell for freshman year in your declared major and achieve a certain grade point average. The other similar university program my son was accepted into had slightly different course requirements for the same major freshman year. When I asked the Cornell admissions office how he could meet those requirements they said most people go to a community college for the year before Cornell where I guess you can pick and choose exactly what courses you want to take.</p>
<p>R-Dad - if it makes you feel any better, about this time last year my S was going thru a very similar situation, and now, looks back & calls it "just miraculous!" because in a 100 yrs he never thought he'd get in where he's going & would have surely chosen the other school had he been admitted, even tho a piece of him wasn't really sure... HE IS SO HAPPY! NO, BETTER THAN THAT! CONTENT! </p>
<p>But this is the scary time! No doubt about it!</p>
<p>momof2 - i agree ; it really is a crapshoot, but it has to be when thousands of kids apply for hundreds of spots! the only thing kids can do nowadays is put themselves in the best possible position & take their best shot! at this point, i feel more angst about the kids who actually think they're so much better than unaccepted kids... really, IMHO, they're mostly only luckier than most of the other kids who applied. oh well!</p>
<p>After an agonizing application process with the then King of Procrastinators where S, with the help of the common App, applied to 9 schools and was accepted to his absolute first choice (farthest reach), came to me one day and said "I wish I had applied to more reach schools." I asked him if he was feeling this way because he was unhappy with his choice. He replied, "No, I love it, I wouldn't consider going anywhere else." Now dad was confused. "Why...," before I could get the question out he continued, "I would have loved to have more top-tier schools to turn down, I feel a little disappointed that I didn't get to check more 'I won't be coming' boxes." They really do not understand "our'" agony.</p>
<p>My son applied to one Univ. ED and by the time the letter came, he was actually relieved that he was rejected. He felt in hindsight he really hadn't given it enuf thought or whatever. He still may have wanted to go but wasn't ready to REALLY commit even tho we went thru the whole thing with him. Kids tend to change their mind at this age - even over the course of a couple of months when the realities kick in and looking back- I'd make absolutely SURE of the decision before applying ED to anywhere. None of this "I'm pretty sure I wanna go there so I'll apply ED to increase my chances"- It's not worth it- the kids change their mind about things such as distance from home, girl/boy friends or a myriad of other reasons.</p>
<p>I started a thread last year on the topic of having to turn down great schools ("What is this feeling called?"). There were some heartfelt responses there that might be helpful to some of you in the months to come.</p>
<p>I thing that crosses my mind (not a regret) every day is how important the story of andi and andison turned out to be. I knew this could happen intellectually, but to see it play out in real life as the spring turned to summer completely galvanized our viewpoint last year.</p>
<p>If DS was not already accepted at two safeties that he would be happy to attend, I'd be nuts by now!</p>
<p>I would have had DS do his SAT prep the summer before his junior year. He ended up taking it cold and missed NMS by just a few points. I regret our S didn't apply to more financial safety schools. When all is said and done, I think he will get accepted to more schools than we can afford. Thankfully, he loves his safety school and so do we. It just would have been nice to see better offers from more realistic financial schools. I think he would have done well. As I read through all these posts above, I can tell that for many of you, just like for us, the only way to really discover these pearls of wisdom is to go through the process. I've been on CC for over a year now, and it has been enlightening, interesting, delightful and even emotional at times to watch the events unfold. Many more twists and turns are yet to unfold in this month of March!</p>
<p>It's funny how most of these issues recede with time after the fact...a lot of them are out of mind by, oh, Halloween of your student's first year.</p>
<p>Things really worked out for the best, though I could not always see it at the time. Didn't mind the rejections from H or S but the ED rejection from Y hit hard...and there simply wasn't any rolling admissions school that fit D's criteria, so no point in going in that direction. Having D get the application essays done was perhaps the most aggravating parent-child friction in 18 years.</p>
<p>MomofWildChild, I think you rank #2 in amount of $ spent getting your kid through high school. Seriously. You didn't pay for TWO stints at wilderness, did you? Plus losing college-type tuition when kid was expelled from private boarding school mid-year? And add the years in EG schools, legal fees.... college is a bargain.</p>
<p>Kinhasa- Yes, we DID pay for two wilderness stints! One of them overlapped with school tuition, so we were double-paying. As a result of that "year from hell", we paid 5 years of boarding school tuition, with that one year being over twice as much as each of the other four. It is not a distinction I am happy to claim, but I think I win. :)</p>
<p>INCA mom- funny our kids are in the same place and we both had regrets about turning down the other schools- every time my D complains about something I can see how the wonderful NE LAC is small and that would not have been a problem there or the Southern Pretigous public would have been better at such and such, but D really knew herself and though she has gone abroad for some of her years, she knew with no question that she could not go back east. She truly knew herself and chose the best school for her.</p>
<p>With older D, I learned so much, mainly, talk more & determine fit and don't let prestige whores confuse you with name brand schools, look for your best fit, because it is your life and no one who is impressed with your school has to/ gets to live your life, you live it, so you'd better pick it!</p>
<p>WC mom: wow! I humbly bow to your financial strain and hope that someday (perhaps already, but maybe it will even better) you look back and are so hapy...after all you practically drove a new Bimmer off a pier every year with tuition, if I recall!</p>
<p>My son has declined a private school in favor or a small fourth tier school and is totally happy while I still harbor bits of doubt. I know the school he has picked is a great fit for him and he is so excited about going there and is truly happy with his choice. I don't understand my doubts.</p>
<p>R-Dad -- I have same situation with S who was outright rejected from his ED school. Everyone incl Guidance Counselor is shocked that he wasn't deferred as he is in top 10 kids in class of 400, all state level awards, and legacy; some kids from last yr's class were accepted with similar stats. DS has no one dream school so although disappointed he is resilient. Three wks after rejection he was accepted to what we thought would be a safety but after ED rejection GC was making me crazy and wanted S to apply to all these little PA and NY schools with Jan - Feb deadlines but S refused. Now that S is into safety and the Honors program there, I can heave a sigh of relief. But I -- and DH -- regret encouraging son to apply to this particular ED school as he was leaning towards another where we felt he would have NO chance. If he is accepted RD at any of his other choices, DH and I have agreed to voice our opinions, have DS talk choices over with GC and other respected adults in his life, and NOT encourage/pressure him to accept one we prefer. This is going to be really really tough to keep our mouths shut and let him make his own decision.</p>
<p>My DD only applied to one school, NYU, and got in ED. She will start next fall and is very happy. I, however, am nervous about safety in the city, and wonder if she will regret not going to a school with a campus (she only wanted an urban school - could care less about a campus). She said one thing to me which resonated; "Mom, why does everyone make such a big deal about finding the perfect college, which is 4 years, but from grades K through 12, no one goes all over the country looking for the "perfect" grade school, then the perfect high school? And mostly we are happy with where we are and do fine." Such a sensible young lady who knows what she wants.</p>
<p>"I've been puzzling about my son's applications, trying to decide if he did the "right" thing in selecting and prioritizing his college list. Before the results arrive in the mail, does anyone have any "lessons that might have been learned" they want to share?
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<p>This is off-topic, but now I regret my new major. Just a thought. Choose something that other people think is good for you.</p>