<p>Hey guys, I know the risks of posting an essay online but its only the beginning so I am sort of disregarding that. I've been having writers block basically all summer. And I definitely need help with this essay. I wanna talk about music-it is my passion(not playing, but listening to diff. music, understanding artists, etc), how it has helped me with school(if that isnt cliche), and just any good directions i can take it period to get the ball rolling. Heres the beginning i have so far. That can be edited-just made it up in about 5 mins.</p>
<p>I cannot help but wonder why I was not diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My mind runs rampant, my heart thumps peculiarly, and my mood swings harder than Barry Bonds. You may be wondering whats the cause of my disorder ; well it is nothing more than music and the seemingly endless amount of emotions it seems to impact me with profoundly.</p>
<p>With all respect, I think you should change the essay topic. I know that you have probably struggled with bipolar disorder and it affects you profoundly, but mental disorders can often be a very sensitive (and not in a good way) college essay topic. I think having the admissions office know that you’re bipolar before you apply may only hurt your chances.</p>
<p>I dont have bipolar disorder man lol. Thats my opening line to catch the attention of the reader. I said that simply because when i listen to music-it does not simply go out one ear and not the other-i feel the emotions and passions of the artists, it actually affects my emotions, etc </p>
<p>If thats not a good direction though for an essay topic, then i’ll see about changing. I just dont have much of a direction right now</p>
<p>LOL…that just shows how observant I am. Guess I skipped over the “not”. Anyways, I think that’s a really great start (lots of good imagery and metaphor). I would just continue by giving specific examples of how certain songs/types of music have affected you.</p>
<p>Hahaaha, I was worried for a sec. </p>
<p>Thank you GoldOwl, I’ll begin working on that now. I thought about using certain songs but I worried that if they didnt know that song that it would be a bad move. I’ll do some more brainstorming until i get some more input</p>
<p>A few quick points… That opening sentence is a bit wordy. If you really want to catch their attention, maybe something more like, “I think I have bipolar disorder. My mind runs rampant…”</p>
<p>Then…</p>
<p>“Music causes these feelings, these emotions that seem to come from the deepest part of me…”</p>
<p>Also, I don’t like the Barry Bonds metaphor. Corny, IMHO. But that’s a personal choice. :-)</p>
<p>Thanks alot nick, i will definitely touch that up.</p>
<p>As for the Barry Bonds Metaphor: I just wanted somewell thats fail-proof well known in baseball: my other options were babe ruth and a.rod lol</p>
<p>Its not specific toward Bonds. I’d feel the same about A-Rod or Babe Ruth. :-)</p>
<p>Maybe something like, “…and my mood swings with the regularity of a pendulum,” but I’m not in love with that either. In general, I’d stay away from pop culture and sports references, unless you’re talking about your own experience playing little league or something (and then, have a really good angle–stories about youth sports teaching teamwork are tired). But, again, that’s my bias–I’m not a big sports guy. </p>
<p>Anyway, good luck! :-)</p>
<p>Oh ok haha-ill go metaphor hunting :D, </p>
<p>thanks yet again!</p>