Thanks TQ. I’m starting to think perhaps college, as a whole, just wasn’t right for me. I’ve always been shy and had trouble making friends, and was never competitive when it came to academics. Living on a campus a hundred miles away from my everyone I’ve ever known, surrounded by 40,000 strangers, everyone competing against each other on the curve, etc is just so overwhelming. Unfortunately, college seems to be the only way for someone to be successful.
I’ve attempted the “just try hard and see what happens” but in the end it didn’t work.
I was always told I had academic talents ever since first grade, and I always thought I’d be successful. Maybe my high hopes just got crashed and this will be good for me in some convoluted way that I can’t see.
Academics are the only advantage I have ever had in life. I have social anxiety that years of therapy (perhaps given to me years too late) didn’t help with, I was abused as a child and constantly ridiculed by my family for being “strange”, kids at school were always worse. That’s one reason I don’t need to worry about a family. When academics are taken away…I have nothing. I am nothing.
I know none of you can help me with this from the internet. But it feels good knowing at least someone can read this and I don’t have it inside of me.