<p>@gutsandglory117 – posters are just trying to help and you keep getting mad at them. I’m trying to figure out what your problem might be. If you are attractive then maybe it lies here</p>
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<p>Maybe you should open up your possibilities. Maybe you can interest someone who is less than an 8, someone who is nice looking but not gorgeous. It sounds like you have friends who are girls. Maybe a friendship with someone you already know could turn into something more.</p>
<p>Thanks but I can’t compromise to be in a relationship if I’m not happy with it, it would be unfair to my partner. I don’t want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one, I want to be in a relationship with a woman that I am attracted to even though they aren’t. It may never happen and i maybe lonely forever but I’m not gonna hurt someone else just because people think I’m a loser.</p>
<p>The only person calling you a loser seems to be you…</p>
<p>Actually its many people I know. Some are direct about it, others more or less imply it. Can’t blame em after 20 years of failing at this, but hey that’s why god invented weed. Makes problems like this vanish :)</p>
<p>Oh and to add that ones that are less than an 8 are not nice looking. That’s why they are less than an 8.</p>
<p>It is not important at all what others think of you (except for Med. School adcoms). The only important aspect is what you think of yourself. You yourself said that “I want to be in a relationship with a woman that I am attracted to even though they aren’t.” So, you seem to agree, so, listen to mmm…and as long as you do not think of yourself as a loser (and Med. School adcoms do not think either), then you are fine. The others will come around, they will get enlightened…eventually. No need to waste $$$ on …weed, as your problem is completely imaginary, just wait until you have a real one. Everybody has many in their lives, weed might be the least efficient solution as real problems need real solutions…well, imaginary ones…do not need any solution at all, just have to tell yourself to stop imaginning them.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s your attitude. You had a defensive air of superiority in previous posts (and have since apologized and explained, which is why i said had not have) that came off as rude and offensive to many people here.</p>
<p>Obviously I can’t speak for all girls. But I’m a single girl, and I’m 22, and I can guarantee you a guy who comes off as a jerk to complete strangers is a total turn off for me and my friends. Just try being nice and funny (which I imagine you are when you’re not upset or stressed out and talking to anonymous people)–that comes off as so much less threatening than you are right now! And try talking about things that aren’t school, science, or your future. Girls love smart guys. Smart guys are attractive and impressive to most girls out there. But girls don’t want to know that you’re smart, ambitious, driven, and great at academics all the time. Save it for later!</p>
<p>You mentioned you have girl friends. Have you tried talking to them about all of this? I have a few guy friends in a situation similar to yours and I like helping them figure it out. If you think your problem is meeting new girls, ask your girl friends to take you out with them and introduce you to new people.</p>
<p>I have lots of friends who go to my med school and they’ve reported the same thing mmmcdowe did–many of the relationships coming in from college ended in the first few months of medical school. For whatever reason it seems like many med school girls were dumped by their non-med school boyfriends…maybe guys don’t like girls in med school? Uhoh.</p>
<p>^No matter what is a standard, you cannot be somebody else all the time. If you are a jerk, you are a jerk, if you are nice, then you are nice. Trying to be nice will not work all the time, pretending to be somebody else is not going to work. Just be yourslef and there is a match for you. If you are jerk, then there is a *****y girl who can beat you in being super bad, I quarantee you that, she will be a perfect match, might even work to benefit both, might make them both better actually or might end up in disaster. The point is there is no guarantee, but not being true yourself will certainly not work, period.</p>
<p>However, one thing for sure, non-med guys LUVVE girls in med. schools, oh yey. Some of them are specifically looking for one, I even came acroos of post here, yes, the non-med guy was specifically asking how to meet med. girl. He said that they are nice looking and very smart (he stressed the latest).</p>
<p>^^I will concur with kristin’s and mmmcdowe’s observation about med school girls. BFs disappear pretty quickly. Both D1 and her new roomie (Both very pretty girls --D1 used to do runway modeling in college for extra $$–and MS1s) broke up with BFs over the summer.</p>
<p>And kristin, I think they get dumped because of the sheer amount of time being devoted to medical school—it leaves little time or energy to be “a good girlfriend,” plus there’s the whole envy thing going on. (She’s in med school and he’s not.)</p>
<p>@ Miami: thanks for the response. The only reason why I resort to weed is because I don’t care about feeling lonely when im high. When I’m sober I’m just surrounded by people in relationships and I just feel left out and worried about that carrying through to med school. Call it whatever you like but it helps. Moreover attractive intelligent women are the ones that I’m interested in.</p>
<p>Why would a runway model in med school like Wowmoms daughter want to be with a guy whose never had a girlfriend when there are plenty of more experienced men? How am I supposed to attract and hold onto a woman like that when I can’t even attract women that aren’t that great?</p>
<p>My point is that hoping and feeling good about yourself means nothing if you don’t have any results to go with it. I want to get into med school and I want to have a relationship with a high quality woman, but my reality is the complete opposite of that. This where drugs help in dealing with accepting the fact that your external reality is very different from your internal reality.</p>
<p>@ Kristin: thanks but I find that women give pretty bad dating advice. No offense, and I’m not generalizing to you but that has been my experience. Moreover girls in med school are equally intelligent so being smart isn’t really an asset in med school if everyone more or less is. And I’m not even that smart. My gpa is only a 2.8 as I mentioned in the other thread that got deleted. So it’s not like I can even say that - I could fake it I guess but that’s just not my style.</p>
<p>I’m gonna go off on a little tangent here but:</p>
<p>I’ve been reading a lot about quantum mechanics lately because it’s pretty fascinating. There is a theory in quantum mechanics about Schrodingers cat. A cat is in a box and you have two buttons to press - live or die. What happens when you press them both simultaneously? The cat is in a dual state - neither alive or dead as most subatomic particles exist at the quantum level. If I was to extend this theory then it’s suffice to conclude our reality is also in a dual state since reality is created by the particles around us.</p>
<p>This has led me to conclude that our realities are always in a dual state between what we want to be our reality (internal state) and what it actually seems to be (external state). How and when do we bridge the gap? When is there solace when the two states merge together? Quantum mechanically this occurs when matter interacts with antimatter to create enough energy to temporarily cease the dual state of matter. However I can’t control that and thus have to continue to live in a dual reality where my internal one opposes the external one, kind of like Schrodingers cat. That is my state in a nutshell and why I feel this is a big deal. Inside I know I have what it takes to get the girl I want or that I can be a successful student and applicant but my experience outside has been the opposite of it. And as my failures increase so does that internal reality as it tries to conform to that external state which I don’t want. I want the internal state to be real. I find absolutely fascinating how we can break down our emotions into a sub atomic level. Ah the beauty of quantum mechanics - it can really explain anything from science to why we do what we do. There is a scientific reason for success and failure.</p>
<p>Modeling you say… What city is she in again? :D</p>
<p>“My point is that hoping and feeling good about yourself means nothing if you don’t have any results to go with it.”</p>
<p>-It means everything in life as a whole, not just in relationship. If you do not accept yourself, others wiil never accept you either. This is truth, like it or not. As I said, playing games and pretend will not work. There is a match for everybody, but you need to make yourself available. Pretty and smart is not everything, if you choosing based on some criteria, you do not know what real connection is. The real one is unconditional, you simply do not know why you feel this way. Really bad guys/girls still attract and the ugly ones also do, as well as nice and beautiful and smart. However, if you beat yourself down because super model genius is out of your reach, if you are not out there looking for simply the one that is there for you, then maybe you are looking in a wrong direction. I am way too old to advise on dating,…etc. I just know because I am old that negativity has never helped anybody. Everybdoy fails, but the difference is what you do after you fail. You get up and ask yourself what you have learned from your failure or you stay down and being misearable. It is not a cliche, it is the only way.</p>
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I remember that guy!!</p>
<p>Well, speaking as a four (on my best day, with the wind blowing out, getting all of the ball) I have to suggest that the OP is setting the attractiveness bar pretty high. It makes me wonder if maybe that bar is set higher than reasonable so that nobody is likely to jump it? IOW, I only want what I can’t get. Lots safer that way. </p>
<p>High standards ain’t never going to trump real relationships with real live girls. As always, JMO.</p>
<p>gutsandglory</p>
<p>Quantum isn’t my field but D1 could probably point out some fallacies in your reasoning. (She has a physics degree, aced graduate quantum with the highest grade in the class and spent 2 years doing high energy particle physics research. Brains AND beauty!)</p>
<p>I don’t think Schrodinger’s Cat has anything to do with your situation. You seem to lack the ability to actualize your desires. Now whether that’s because you lack something intrinsic in your personality or self or because you have have unrealistic goals and desires I don’t know and won’t speculate. </p>
<p>But I think every person has a secret internal life that is different from reality. The Walter Mitty stereotype resonates for a reason. </p>
<p>Neil Gaiman said: “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.”</p>
<p>Your situation (internal vs external reality dichotomy) is very common, don’t stress over it. And more importantly don’t break your heart over it.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>mmmcdowe–LOL! I always wanted to have a power couple for a son-in-law. Send your vitals and headshot…I’ll interview you for the position.</p>
<p>I’m a sophomore in a pre-med track at the moment, and when people say that the workload is the easiest in college, I’d have to say I agree BUT with one caveat…for me…this is the first time in my life that I’ve had to apply myself. I’ve done pretty well on standardized testing which is what got me into the uni I’m at, but in terms of self-discipline, study habits, and balancing extra curriculars…well…this is all new to me. I’m finding college to be tough though the material is well within what I’m capable of. In other words, things OTHER than the workload are making college a challenge for me.
That being said, I did have a boyfriend in college for about a month and a half. He wasn’t an enormous time waster because I didn’t let him be. I knew I had to be focused on school and had to work on my grades so I went on a date function with him, and shortly thereafter we broke up because he was immature. Many college relationships burn quickly, so if you’re one to invest yourself into something then I don’t recommend trying to get into one if you’re going to undertake this challenge.</p>
<p>I could go on for hours telling you why you should not get involved in a relationship your first semester but instead I will just tell you this. College is not easy compared to high school. You need to be disciplined to get good grades and that sometimes means passing up on dates or fun to study. If you have never been in a relationship you are going to fall head over heels for a person and you are going to loose focus on your studies. Take my advice and wait until at least your second year. Spend the first year getting to know people from class so you can establish study groups. That is really the best way to meet people from both sexes.</p>
<p>@ wowmom: No offense but yea we all get it - your daughter is hot and smart, congrats - hope that made you feel all warm and good inside. Maybe now you can sleep in peace at night.</p>
<p>Actually my inability to make my internal state “real” is the fact of the dual state of nature, which is what Schrodingers cat tries to explain. My state dual states inherently conflict with each other. Which is what i was trying to say. </p>
<p>Why is this so? I’m not sure. Is it inherent in me? Am I repulsive to people? I dont think so - I do have friends and girl friends. But they may think I am, it is a possibility. </p>
<p>Is it unrealistic for me to hope to get into med school and to be with women who I find attractive? Maybe.</p>
<p>@ MiamiDAP:</p>
<p>Is having standards such a bad thing? For a guy like me who probably couldn’t even pick up a prostitute, is my only option to lower them or eliminate them? Am I just predisposed to not be able to be with a partner that I find attractive? </p>
<p>These are of course rhetorical questions since I dont even know the answer to them much less expect anonymous Internet users to answer them.</p>
<p>What I do know is that there is a threshold to failure and when it’s breached I begin to question why I am even here. Why am I supposed to be here if I’m just in pain and misery when im sober?</p>
<p>You say it’s bad to be negative, yes but I am human and I do get hurt. Every attempt I make to change external reality to my internal state ends in “let’s just be friends” or “no thanks but your just not good enough” or other harsher words, or a C on that exam, I’m just supposed to be ok and positive? I have taken rejection from women and academic failures sportively and positively for 2.5 years now. I was always happy and motivated, but about 6 months ago I realized that there is only so much negativity that I can absorb before it starts to ooze out. I maybe weak or a coward for letting that happen but there are irrational emotions that I can’t control. It’s an annoying part of being human.</p>
<p>So then the question becomes, if every step I take to reach my goals ends in failure and results in pain from that failure, what’s the point of hoping things will be different later?</p>
<p>Maybe I will be that 25 year old guy whose never dated an attractive girl in med school. If that is my destiny then so be it, I just don’t know why a part of me gets hurt by the thought.</p>
<p>If I’m never meant to achieve my external reality merging with my internal state, it just kills me inside. Especially when all of my friends do it so easily.</p>
<p>What’s the point of living like this? That is what I want to know.</p>
<p>If you see no point to living, then you need more help than an anonymous web board can give you. Please, seek professional help. There is no shame to it.</p>
<p>And, yeah, I AM proud of D1. She has worked very, very hard to make her internal and external realities match, but her road to success has not been easy. (And no, I won’t share her challenges in a public forum. That would be a profound violation of her privacy.)</p>
<p>I will say she has had lots of difficulties and challenges and had some really, really bad life altering events happen to her. She persevered and I am proud of her.</p>
<p>BTW, that A in grad quantum–she spent 4-6 hours per NIGHT six days a week doing problem sets to earn it. She worked her ass off. In contrast the #2 student in quantum was naturally smart, but lazy. Never studied, did minimal problems sets. Still aced the exams. D1 got the higher recognition in the end because the prof respected her work ethic.</p>
<p>Like i said hopefully you can sleep at night now. Thanks for letting all of us know.</p>
<p>Congrats for your D1, that was completely unrelated to my question which you never answered. If you have nothing more to add than how amazing you daughter is then please spare it. I get the picture, she’s a goddess. Wow. I too have worked hard but ended up suffering instead of finding success. </p>
<p>If you don’t know what it’s like to be in pain all the time then your advice could be useful elsewhere.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, I have no desire to end my life or to hurt myself. I have been to therapy, taken SSRIs but it hasn’t helped. Weed has, but I don’t have constant access to it unfortunately. I just want to know why I keep screwing up with everything, and if my life is just supposed to be one big screw up?</p>
<p>@ OP, Life is hard to plan for, especially on finding love. I am talking from a parent and someone who had been there and done that. Just let your life run its course. Love may come when you are least expecting one. Or, your future wife is now standing in line at an elementary school cafe…Who knows. Just be happy and live your life with self respect. And as a parent, if you were my son, I will kick your butt for using weed. That is not a smart thing to do in any day for any generation. Good luck and be a doctor. In five years, there will be a line at your door with all those gorgeous girls who wants to be with you.</p>