As the school year begins, I thought it might be a good idea to gather best pieces of advice for entering and returning college students. Here are the two pieces I give every student I know well enough to give advice.
Go to classes, go to office hours, form study groups with other students. Showing up the biggest part of success when it comes to college. The most successful students are the ones who know how to ask for help and don’t define being smart as meaning doing everything by yourself.
You have paid for all the ‘extras’ on your campus - don’t be shy about using as many of them as possible. Use the writing center, use the math center, go to career services asap, get yourself to the gym, the library, the subsidized activities/tickets/food/etc. Especially if you’ve taken out any debt to be there! Don’t feel like “that wasn’t your money” - it is your money and you spent it on being able to access what your school offers. Access as much as possible, and never feel like you are ‘taking too much’. It’s there for you!!
I give the same advice about going to classes, office hours, tutoring centers and forming study groups. And going on day one, not when you start falling behind or struggling.
Here’s my additional 2:
Go to every on campus job fair available. While freshman may not get internships, it’s a great opportunity to practice interview skills.
Don’t overcommit on ECs first semester. HS students are used to doing so much and that just isn’t possible in college. Pick one EC first semester and see how it goes with study commitments before adding more.
I’d modify one thing and say, go to office hours and study sessions if you need them. They do take time, and are superfluous if the student has a great grasp of the material.
I’d add never dodge a time slot or a professor if you want to graduate on time.
Continue to be open to friendships - freshman dorm friendships are wonderful and just remember you can make more friends through your major, new transfers, upper level classes and activities. Each year at college you have the opportunity to keep building those relationships and adding more too.
Plan your drop-off goodbyes for a time your kid will be running off to a planned activity during orientation or meeting up with their new friends. Easier for both of you than a long goodbye where you then have to figure out how to finally extricate yourself and leave them alone sitting in their room.
We took S23’s suitemates for a ride to a scenic hiking area they wanted to check out and got back as he was headed off to an orientation meet up for his major. So much easier driving away knowing he was headed out with new friends and keeping busy.
You paid for a dining hall. Use it. Too many kids get low blood sugar. You must take time to eat. It was the cause of many crying/whining phone calls home.
Another tip for first-time parents: Your child will almost certainly call home at some point, stressed out about a class, relationship, etc. Then a week later, you’ll ask them about it, and they’ll say, “What? Oh, it turned out fine.” Try not to worry too much and don’t try to solve their problems for them.
On the other side of the fence, this IS the age when mental illness often emerges. If your child seems to be struggling, take it seriously. Have them go to the student health center and talk to someone. As my daughter discovered, counseling is free and can be very helpful even if you’re not ill.
If your school has foundation or department scholarships, apply every year. It’s probably one common application for them all and a lot of kids don’t bother.
Good point, but had my advice been followed said garbage can would still be full of grain punch and we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone rolling down a hill in it.
Also, know what your dining hall covers. Can you use “swipes” places other than the dining hall? Are there grab and go meals available for times you can’t sit for a meal in one of the dining halls? What happens with unused swipes? Can you use them in a campus market or grab additional grab and go meals?
-It’s only four years of your life, not the rest of your life.
-Try not to focus on social media’s version of how others are spending their college years. It’s hard not to compare yourself to friends at other colleges, but it’s likely that for every “I’m having the time of my life with my very best friends!” Instagram story, there are undocumented days of sadness & doubt.
-Make an effort to get involved. Keep trying clubs until you find “your people”. They are out there.
Also “Listen” to your kids when they call /text etc. Just listen. Don’t try to fix everything. You will get panic calls. They are trying to figure out how to adult. When they can’t get a registered class, or something happens in the dorm or they aren’t meeting people etc. Just listen. Add a few suggestions like “I would think your advisor, professor, RA might be able to help with that” Then a day or two later you will get a text /call that they solved their problem and like it was all their idea .
Trust me. It will happen more then once. Don’t fix their problem. It’s important that they do it. Sometimes they sort of just freeze up. They might be crying on said calls. Homesickness plus having to adult plus a new atmosphere, plus more intense classes can be a lot for the most accomplished students. There is a reason parents weekend is scheduled around 7 weeks into the school year. Research shows that is when the kids need that parent connection and if your student isn’t doing well on any level it will show.
Also at that time you might notice weight gain, not keeping their appearance up. Looking really tired /out of it… Well, you probably looked the same. Don’t make a huge deal about it. As long as their doing well things will improve.
To piggyback on @knowsstuff, these calls will continue to happen (rarely, but continuing) through college, even grad school. Solid advice - just listen. Unless they are asking for explicit directions on something like how to file their taxes by themselves for the first time. Or similar. In those cases I will offer help as well as pointing them in a direction.
But yes, the calls will continue. You get to watch them grow into adults this way, too.
Ha, they still happen with my 25-year-old daughter. She called a couple of times while I was trying to get my dad around Savannah, Georgia. Pouring rain, I’m driving a huge SUV on a steep, cobble-stoned street, and trying to figure out how to get Dad into a restaurant with his walker. More calls the next day.
I informed all three “kids” they would NOT be calling me while we were in Europe. My sister agreed to be their emergency contact. Afterwards, my daughter said she did have one crisis while we were gone, but she handled it. I’m thinking I should let her phone calls go to messages now!
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