My daughter will be starting high school next fall. I feel Ill-equipped to guide her about what she needs to do in high school in order to be able to get into a very good college. I went to college decades ago, and things have changed, and I wasn’t an engaged serious student, in any case.
Can anyone suggest a book that will tell me what my daughter needs to do to be considered qualified to attend a very good school, not Ivy League necessarily but maybe “hidden Ivy”? Whether she will buckle down and work hard enough to do what she has to do remains to be seen, but I want to be able to give her the goals to shoot for.
I can save you the $$, with free advice from an admissions dean at MIT- it applies to all selective colleges:
It’s not new, but the author is still at MIT and still stands over it.
ETA: from another post you said:
" I worry a lot about the high school culture of achievement and stress, and I don’t want that to define her experience. She is already sort of a high strung child with intense (but fairly fleeting) highs and lows, and I worry about her. I just want her to be happy and healthy!"
Don’t underestimate how your anxiety can play into hers (no matter how good you think you are hiding it, our kids are experts at reading us!). I know, you just want her to be happy - but you have been anxious enough about her college choice from Grade 8 to have found CC & posted. You may find that the best thing you can do for her is work on trusting that it will come right in the end, and keep your focus on the now: how is it going today.
But there is no magic formula to get your daughter into a top college. It needs to come from her. She needs to take the most rigorous courses she can manage without completely stressing out. She needs the highest grades she can get. She needs to establish good relationships with teachers. She needs to do things outside of schoolwork that genuinely interest her or excite her.
Above all, she needs to enjoy being a kid for as long as she can. Spending all of high school worrying about getting into a top college is a great way to tarnish four years of her young life.
You are so right. I want to be informed, but I need to chill out. I don’t even agree with the scramble-to-get-ahead model of life! But I also don’t want her to go into high school blind.
This is a great reminder, though, that I needed to hear. Thank you!
-Read the “Applying Sideways” article(MIT), and have your daughter read it too.
-Jeff Selingo Who gets in and Why: it might be a little early now, but definitely read it after 9th grade. It is an eye-opening and detailed inside look into the actual admissions office discussions at 3 colleges.
-Have her take the hardest courses available to her each year, as long as taking them does not cause her to be up too late studying. For some students this will be all honors and every difficult AP the school offers, for others it will be mostly regular classes with an occasional honors course or AP. The point is for her to challenge herself at a level that makes sense: let her teachers be the guide on what she is ready for, or ask the guidance counselors. So much of the college process relates to how a student performs and challenges themselves within their school, based on what is offered at that school: digging into the details of your HS curriculum is more important than comparing details of others on CC.
It’s worth noting that at most top schools, there are far more “qualified applicants” than they can admit. So being qualified is only the minimum bar. It then comes down to whether they think your daughter is a good fit for them (and vice-versa) and if she meets their institutional needs. Rick Clark’s blogs are a great read. He explains very well how colleges make admission decisions - bottom line: it’s about them, not about you (the applicant).
She should focus on coursework that is developmentally appropriate and activities in which she’s interested. Only if the school and teachers can’t provide adequate guidance for the former should a parent get involved, and college admissions should not be a factor in figuring this out. If APs are developmentally appropriate then take them; if not, that’s fine too.
Then start thinking about colleges based on who she is in 10th and 11th grade. And as a parent you should be happy with ANY college that would provide an appropriate experience. In particular, I think most parents would be well served thinking that the state flagship or similar would be a great spot for their kid if the academic programs and social life are a fit. If the child wants something different, fine. But don’t start the process by imposing some sort of hierarchy that devalues the sorts of schools the vast majority of kids will end up attending.
You should let this go. Please don’t let your daughter know that you have ambitions of her attending these types of schools. Most kids, even very smart kids, don’t attend these schools. She may find that your state flagship is the best fit for her goals. Just encourage her to do her best and after you have a couple years of high school grades and some test scores you will have a much better idea of the type of schools that she should be aiming for.
Agree. My older daughter announced immediately after the first day of high school that her goal was a top 10 college. We thought that was in-sane but supported her. She accomplished this goal because it was hers. Our younger daughter had no interest in that sort of school…though wound up at a prestigious highly competitive sought after Midwest public school with a large football stadium ( enough hints?). But that was only because she wanted nursing and that program has different admission standards. I can’t imagine trying to be the driving force behind any of this. That would seem to be bad for my kid and our relationship.
A book that my S21 read and found useful was How to Be a High School Superstar by Cal Newport. He’s currently a 2nd year student a UChicago which was his dream school. He did not have any “hooks” such as URM, 1st generation college student, or recruited athlete.
As others have said, I’d encourage you and your daughter not to get caught up too much in rankings and prestige. State flagship schools provide tremendous opportunity. I’ll also share that, in our experience, there’s not a formula for gaining admittance to a highly selective college.
My S21 did not join 15 clubs in high school. He did not join NHS, he didn’t rack up community service hours, and he didn’t have leadership positions in high school other than a token title on the speech and debate team senior year. He simply pursued excellence at the things that mattered most to him (specifically music, speech/debate, and creative writing alongside his academics). He had a 3.6 UW GPA. His class rank was just inside the top quarter (around 90 out of 400). But he was brilliant at some things and apparently colleges took notice. He was admitted to 9 of 10 colleges (Rice did not accept him) and 8 of those gave him merit scholarships (NC State was the one that didn’t give merit).
He refused to play the “game.” He was fortunate that things worked out for him. But he also would have been perfectly happy at any of the other schools he applied to (including Texas A&M, South Carolina, Iowa, and NC State) and he went into the process with reasonable expectations. He knew he could be happy at any university on his list.
So in conclusion, please encourage your kid be a kid. Let her explore new interests and discover what is most important and exciting to her. Encourage a healthy social life and have her take care of her mental health. I don’t think it’s too early to be thinking about it, but the college process will play out in due time.
I agree with the posts saying wait on letting your kid know you might be thinking top schools. However—if your kid has always been a 98-99th %ile kid AND after 9th-10th grade it is clear the kid is enjoying and thriving in the most challenging classes, then top20 type unis or LACs may very well be in range for your student. So I think it is worth you doing the reading /research in case your kid has real potential to be in that range. Of course standardized tests are not the determining factor, and many posters on CC think they mean very little, but to me as a general guideline, if a kid is naturally just not anywhere near the top 2% then maybe that is a clue to keep the search very broad from the beginning and not focus on ivy-likes.
You’re all making excellent points. Thank you. Just to clarify, I want to be able to provide my daughter will goal posts should she want to aim high. As I said in the OP, I don’t know anything about what is required to attend a good school, and I don’t want to do her a disservice.
There are hundreds and hundred of “good” schools in the US. IMO, it’s more important to find the “right” kind of school for your child. What is “good” can be different based on intended major, desired location, campus “vibe”, cost, etc…But, you are far down the road from that now.
As noted by others, the best thing your child can do is to do the best they can academically, take the most challenging courses they can handle (and that doesn’t mean overloading APs), and doing the ECs that they enjoy.
No matter how perfect their stats may be in HS, there is still no guarantee that they’ll get into a top school. IMO, that should never be the goal of HS. The goal should be adequately being prepared for the rigors of college. Developing good study habits, being comfortable asking and getting help, working well with others, time management, and increasing independence are all important.