<p><a href="mailto:jgrusd@mchs.mchschool.org">jgrusd@mchs.mchschool.org</a></p>
<p>i sent it to everyones email so everyone go check!</p>
<p><a href="mailto:dijie@comcast.net">dijie@comcast.net</a></p>
<p>i agree with everyone else...it's brilliant. Just submit it before anyone else steals it.</p>
<p>There are lots of stealing in this site, be careful.</p>
<p>Good job. Im no pro essay reader, but thats def a VERY solid essay (this comment leaves for essays by literary geniuses - which i havent seen yet). Anyway i have 3 points, which are nitpicking and would probably make the essay worse if you changed the essay.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The 1st sentence def works to bring the reader in. BUT, for me at least, it brought up too many negative thoughts and, before even reading the 2nd sentence, i thought the essay was gonna be a sentimental, tear-jerking pos. Of course, by the end of the 1st paragraph i found out it wasnt, but still... nitpicking.</p></li>
<li><p>Contrary to what others have said, i think even less vocab words would be better. But thats just a matter of style. Maybe it could be done without "cognizant," "transpired," "euphoria" and a few others. Again though, in this essay the words fit and you dont sound like you used a thesaurus. Im not even sure it would be better w.o them.</p></li>
<li><p>Great story, imagery, etc. but there might not be enough personal stuff. Youre a very good writer (esp for eng school) but this is a quite common experience and reaction. However, if you do add more personal stuff, dont add the end BS. No explanation/interpretation at the end, thatll just ruin it.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Anyway, its pretty damn good the way it is and i dunno if these suggestions will actually make it better.</p>
<p>holla at a playa when you see one in the street</p>
<p><a href="mailto:sraj87@hotmail.com">sraj87@hotmail.com</a></p>
<p>DOMINATION.
The intro totally rocks! I had to reread it to make sure I was still reading the same paper!</p>
<p>It totally dominated. It simply rocked!</p>
<p>However, I agree that, if possible, you should sa how this affected you. I dunno though, it absolutely dominates!</p>
<p>oooh i wanna read~! <a href="mailto:roxylax59@yahoo.com">roxylax59@yahoo.com</a></p>
<p>I'll read it. </p>
<p><a href="mailto:annerful2@netscape.net">annerful2@netscape.net</a></p>
<p>i have no life, so i'll read it as well</p>
<p><a href="mailto:adradz27@aol.com">adradz27@aol.com</a></p>
<p><a href="mailto:azntexascowboy@gmail.com">azntexascowboy@gmail.com</a></p>
<p>very nice essay. after I read the first sentence I thought you were very candid about your experiences with domestic violence, lol. </p>
<p>Nice ending.</p>
<p><a href="mailto:kaiserscott@web.de">kaiserscott@web.de</a></p>
<p>the<em>q</em><a href="mailto:66@hotmail.com">66@hotmail.com</a></p>
<p><a href="mailto:perfecte23@hotmail.com">perfecte23@hotmail.com</a></p>
<p>i'd like to read it ,too
<a href="mailto:boahra@hotmail.com">boahra@hotmail.com</a>
good luck!</p>
<p><a href="mailto:afaforce@yahoo.com">afaforce@yahoo.com</a></p>
<p>i've read so many essays, i'll try to be of some help, altho from what i hear so far you don't need any criticism o.0</p>
<p>hey there!
if u still need a reader i can read =)
<a href="mailto:xoxclusivexo@hotmail.com">xoxclusivexo@hotmail.com</a></p>
<p>ya id love to read it
<a href="mailto:mars_baghdady89@hotmail.com">mars_baghdady89@hotmail.com</a></p>
<p><a href="mailto:wishskye@hotmail.com">wishskye@hotmail.com</a> (:</p>