<p>A very close friend of mine who happens to be a Junior (I'm a Senior) just told me today that she's pregnant. This came as a total shock to me because I had absolutely no idea that she was sexually active -- she told me that she didn't want me to find out that she was having sex because she is very aware of my religious views on premarital sex - but regardless, scolding her isn't going to help with much. She is Catholic and attends church every Sunday and her religious views condemn the option of abortion, though she is still considering it. She is not in a relationship with the child's father and they are not on speaking terms - she does not want him to find out. She says that telling her parents is completely out of the question - they'll kick her out if they find out.</p>
<p>I am the only person who knows. She wants me to skip school to go to a clinic with her to get an abortion if it comes down to it (which it probably will.) </p>
<p>Basically - I have lived a very sheltered life. As a 17 year old girl who has never even held a boy's hand, never mind slept with one, I do not understand the first thing about pregnancy, contraceptives, or other options available to a 16 year old girl. My parents don't even let me watch MTV 16 and Pregnant. I'm basically clueless but I have to help her and be there for her.</p>
<p>I suppose my question would be; what is the first step? I feel as though her parents should know but I am in absolutely no position to tell them.</p>
<p>If you have given any identifying info about yourself in your past 2000+ posts, identifying your location, your high school, you need to delete this because you are going to identify your friend and situation without her consent.
She told you in confidence and you are blabbing it here.
Delete your post for her sake.</p>
<p>See if you can get her to go to a pregnancy informational center (google around). They will talk about what her options are (non abortion). You also don’t have to go with her (no you don’t have to go with someone to have an abortion if you think it will bother you). Also see if you can get her to tell her parents. That’s all I got. Don’t worry about having broken her confidence because I don’t think I could hold that kind of secret either. </p>
<p>Don’t tell anyone! She has told you something in confidence, and if it got out it would be life changing for her. It’s not your place to decide who knows.
If she’s under 18, it’s very unlikely she’ll be able to get an abortion without her parents consent, so she’ll probably have to tell them at some point, but that should be her decision.</p>
<p>I would advise her to get an abortion.
“If you are under 18, your state may require one or both of your parents to give permission for your abortion or be told of your decision prior to the abortion. However, in most states you can ask a judge to excuse you from these requirements. Learn more about parental consent for abortion.”</p>
<p>Money isn’t the issue – consent is. State law requires both parents to consent to the abortion unless the parents are dead, in which case, the legal guardian(s) must consent. - Consent takes the form of both of the parents being present at the abortion and providing legal documents that prove that they are in custody of the patient. However, she can receive judicial bypass without parental knowledge or consent and has access to a free lawyer who will testify/act on her behalf. This seems like a really lengthy process, though.</p>
<p>She’s a “very close friend” but you didn’t even know she was sexually active? How close are you really? It seems to me that if you don’t feel up to shouldering this burden, you have no obligation to do so.</p>
<p>I agree with cmgrayson. You should Google a pregnancy informational center. If she can’t visit one, I suggest going to <a href=“http://www.plannedparenthood.org”>www.plannedparenthood.org</a> it is a useful website for such things. A friend and I did it so we could get info on birth control for when it comes down to it. That should be your first step. She would need parental consent to get an abortion so it may come down to telling her parents, one or both. All states require some form or parental or legal guardian consent. Not only that, but it is a very expensive service. If she absolutely does not want to inform her parents and does not have the money for the abortion, she could always try to induce a miscarriage. That, however, can leave lasting damages.</p>
<p>However, in my own opinion, I believe right now she should get an abortion. Being a teenager with a baby is hard work. Especially if she plans to go away for college. </p>
<p>As far as helping her goes, just be there for her. Don’t go lecturing her or trying to sway her either way.
I hope all goes well.</p>
<p>@WasatchWriter - I’m her closest friend – she was a new student about two years ago and I was the first person who she started talking to. She isn’t very social with others at our school, so we’re basically attached at the hip. She kept this from me because it would be weird in our relationship to talk about it – I made my religious and political views apparent to her very early on so her being sexually active wasn’t really a subject that would have naturally came up. We never talked about boys or relationships other than minor crushes. It came straight out of left field. The guy she had been with is a student at a high school 30 miles away who she knew through church (…sigh) - any who; she has literally no one to help her through this. </p>
<p>Beware some “pregnancy information centers.” They are fronts for extreme opponents to abortion and will not explain all her options.</p>
<p>Here is Planned Parenthood’s website for teens who are pregnant. They have a chat line. That might be a good place to start figuring out options.</p>
<p>Shouting out “abortion” or “adoption” = not helpful (not that “severed hand” is either, but still :P). It isn’t the OP’s choice to make anyway…she just wants to know how she can help her friend. </p>
<p>I too am a Catholic and I’ve been to an abortion clinic (not for myself, for a different issue). I feel they are just cold there and don’t really care for the mother, just her money. My advice is this. Talk to her and try to persuade her to tell her parents. Then tell the father, he needs to know this happened. If her parents kick her out, maybe (if you can) giver her your couch. Be a friend and go through this with her if you can. Take her to a pro life clinic and they can help you too. There is always adoption, couples searching for a child they can’t have. Also, does she have any close relatives or family friends she’d be willing to talk to? If you need any help or she does you can always DM me, you’ve helped me through college posts and I hope I can help you through this one.</p>
<p>I would like to clarify that even though I am a Catholic myself and do not believe abortion is right, I understand that my situation is different than other and that people might not even have a pro-life choice. Good Luck! <3</p>