Best friend

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I know people have probably brought this up before, and I realize most people don't talk to their high school friends after college, but my best friend and I are so close. I have no idea what we're going to do. I mean, we're applying to a few of the same colleges, but mostly, she wants to go to school in the Boston/Cambridge area and the colleges I'm looking at are here in Portland, ME and in Ithaca/around that area, NY.</p>

<p>How can we still stay friends? We're talking about going to grad school near the same place, but I don't know how we can do that if we can't even stay friends through undergrad.</p>

<p>How have you guys dealt with best friends?</p>

2

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<p>Don't assume that once you get to college you are automatically too cool for everyone you ever met in your life up to that point. People still keep in touch with their old friends in college. Breaks can be quite long, or perhaps you'll want to get away from your school for the weekend.</p>

<p>What you will do is stop caring about the opinions of people who don't matter. You will no longer strive for coolness in the eyes of people you never liked to begin with. But if you actually like your friends, keeping in touch will be no problem.</p>

3

<p>I was really worried about the same thing you are now freshmen year, with my friend going so far away to Massachusetts and me stayin in our home state. I think it all worked out though. Heres my advice on it...</p>

<p>First of all, evaluate your relationship with the person right now. Is he/she REALLY your best friend? If you don't get really sad from the thought of you guys not maintaining your friendship and just have a "that would be too bad feeling", then I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but I highly doubt you two will remain friends. Realize that most people just stop talking to their high school friends. I had about 6 people I would really call "close" friends in high school. I only talk to my best friend regularly and 2 others about once a month. The others I don't talk to at all, though we still hang out during break. This may happen to you, just so you know, but..</p>

<p>If you find that you really do want to maintain your friendship realize that it won't be easy. Realize first of all realize that most people do lose their best friends from high school not only because of lack of contact but due to each person changing and going in different directions. You might feel later in the year that you don't get along with your best friend like you used to and you don't really have that much to talk about anymore.</p>

<p>BUT, I feel that can only happen if you guys don't stay as close as you used to.</p>

<p>Do what's necessary to stay in touch. My best friend is still my high school best friend and I attribute that to our massive efforts to stay in touch. On average we talk about 3 days a week, though sometimes 5, and every once in a while we talk everyday of the week. Length ranges from 2-5 mins to 2 hours. I send her random small gifts to show that I'm thinking about her, and open up to her a lot more than I used to. And I email her alot. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm closer to her now than when I was in high school.</p>

<p>You know your friend the best, and how you interact, and all that may be overdose for you, so do what works for you. Thats whats worked for me and I'm closer to my friend than ever before. </p>

<p>And know the little things matter. If your friend says that she has a huge test tomorrow, give her a quick call the next day to see how she did on it. If your friend has a problem with stressing or something like that (like mine does) give her a quick call to make sure their not stressin out, and is about to have a breakdown.</p>

<p>But this is only possible if you're "alert" to their feelings. Before when there was a problem you could easily tell just by the look on their face. Its not that easy anymore. Make sure to really ask how they're doing. People think that college is a time full of infinite highs and not that many lows to speak of. But know this, yes there are MANY highs, but what goes up must come down, and theres times where there are really low lows. Because of this people are not usually that forthcoming about how they're feeling cuz it will look like they're the only ones not havin fun, while everyone else is. Due to this you're friend might not be as forthcoming with you about how they're really feeling. If you sense something is wrong, pry a little more than you usually would to see whats wrong. And don't do the same thing yourself.</p>

<p>And finally keep everything in perspective. At the beginning of the year I felt really jealous cuz I thought I was getting replaced by my best friends new friends. That just wasn't the case. And though I didn't say anything about it to her, I feel kinda stupid now for even feeling that way. Things may change, but if you really make the effort, you'll still be best friends forever, and I was relieved when she finally told me this and I finally realized it. </p>

<p>People in college are meeting new friends and are in a new setting so of course they're gonna get close really fast, and they're gonna have new "best friends". But remember you were there first, so you'll always be special to them. And college is only 4 years, so realize you'll be there for them after college and a great deal after that too. :)</p>

4

<p>Think about it this way. Are you and your parents/siblings/family going to stop caring about each other after 4 years? Granted, your family and your friends are different concepts. But in the end if you really care about them (assuming you do at least deep down care a lot your family) then that won't go away in 4 years. Nowadays there's so much communication available, whether you talk on the phone, email, facebook, letters, plus all the breaks you get to go home.</p>

<p>I agree with Kenshinsan's very long (lol) post. It boils down to how good of friends you really are. If you are truly best friends (I mean, TRULY), not just the multiple "best friends" a lot of people seem to have these days, and you can see yourselves now as bff's, then there's nothing stopping that from happening. Accept that your lives won't intersect for a while, and that things will happen as you go on different paths. As long as you can still talk the way you used to or care about each other the same, then everything will work out.</p>

5

<p>its not that big of a deal from what ive experienced; message people on facebook and make a 15 minute phonecall every couple days to another person just to see whats up. kick it with them during vacation and yeahhh, people dont forget eachother easily</p>

6

<p>well, im still only a freshman but i think i can give some insight. i keep in close contact with 10/13 best friends from college. the rest ill IM every once and a while and we still hang out all the time over break. as someone else said above ive kept the same closeness with my 5 best (girl)friends and maybe even gotten closer. we text all the time, and we have a running inbox on facebook that we update eachother with. im all the way up in boston and theyre all within 1.5 hours of home.</p>

<p>im still close with my best guy friends too. we talk all the time and i love hearing about how theyre doing. the only one ive drifted off a bit from is my ex but that was bound to happen considering were not dating anymore and he has a new gf, but were still close. everytime we all come home its like nothings ever changed.</p>

<p>NOW.. my brother is 25 years old and id say half of his close friends to this day are is best friends from HS. theyve all moved out of the house now and their group has changed a bit but he still ahve been close with these people for more than 8 years. my other older brother is 23 and now in medschool. hes living in an apartment in the city of his school with one of his best friends from MIDDLE SCHOOL. his friend went to private HS, my brother went to public. his friend went to RI for college, my brother stayed in NJ.</p>

<p>its all about the effort you put it. and if things drift apart natuarally, then you werent meant to be best friends in the first place. i can almost positively say i am going to keep my bond with my 10 closest friends for years to come</p>

7

<p>Why wouldn't you talk to your best friend, simply because you went away to college? </p>

<p>Friendships change, but there's no reason you can't do them long distance. With things like facebook and myspace you HS kids have an even greater connectivity than even people my age (I graduated HS in 2001) had with IM and e-mail and such. </p>

<p>While there are certainly people from HS that I no longer talk to, my best friends certainly don't fit that category. I'm going to be the Best Man for my best friend from HS in May. He and my other best friend from HS (who I've actually been friends with since we were 3 years old - our friendship is old enough to drink) will definitely both stand for me in my wedding. </p>

<p>It's not to say that keeping your best friend is a given, because people do change during college, but it's ridiculous to think that simply because you're heading to different schools you have to stop being friends.</p>

8

<p>kenshihans post has a lot of good advice.</p>

<p>I'm still friends with 4 or 5 friends from 7th and 8th grade who went to different high schools and different colleges than I did. It's all about trying.</p>

<p>And think about it: summer and winter break is like 4 months, a decent amount of time. You can still be real friends, and not just friends who simply meet up to recall old memories.</p>

9

<p>I'm still very close with my best friend from high school, but she's about the only one of my really good friends from HS that I talk to regularly. Most of them, it's because we have such different lives. Jess is the only one living a similar if not identical life that me (most of my friends from HS are already married/engaged and a few are even popping out babies already! none of us is older than 21) It helps that she lives literally 2 blocks away from me in the same town as my college (although she doesn't attend my school). I've known her since 7th grade and we've been best friends since 10th, so I don't think that's likely to change any time soon (that was 5 years ago). Even when she lived in our hometown (which is only about 45 minutes away, but in the straight up boonies so I never went home) we still talked on the phone all the time and she came here to hang out and stuff.</p>

10

<p>I think it is very possible to stay in contact with h.s. friends if you want to. Yes, you will be having different experiences but when you go home to visit or just need to talk to someone that you have history with, your friends will most likely be there. I am a senior this year and my best friend is in college. We don't talk everyday but we do keep in contact on a regualar basis. And it is nice becuase we get to fill eachother in on everything going on where we are.</p>