Between High School and College???

Parents Forum
1

OK, so I have a question, but first, some background. My son graduated last year. We are stationed overseas, and upon graduation and being accepted at a college back home, my son flew home during summer vacation with a job interview lined up and plans for his college life. He went to stay in our home there, where my daughter and her family are also staying. He got the job, which in return, would pay for college so long as he maintained a certain grade level. He was all excited.

Then college started. He physically didn’t feel he could keep up with the job (UPS) while attempting to attend college. He was working like 10pm-4 or 5am, and then going to his classes. He enjoyed his classes, but called me stating he just couldn’t do it. It was the last day he could drop out of college and not have to pay. He didn’t want to, but he wanted to quit UPS and since he had already turned down his financial aid, he dropped both the job and college.

He has since been floundering and, of course, I’m across an ocean so not much I can do here. He’s been pretty much goofing off, he’s had jobs here and there but hasn’t stuck with any of them and, I’m sure, has been spending his time and money on gaming (damn video games are my nemesis).

So, I spoke with him last week and offered my suggestion that he should move back out here. I could help guide him, maybe prepare him more for real life since we apparently failed on that front, and if he wanted to try to take a couple of college classes here on base, I could help him with that also. He has been talking of late of joining the military, and as a former military person myself, I’m all for it. He seems to have researched already, along with the money available for college, etc., however he needs to drop about 20 lbs., too (shoot, he’s probably eating junk stateside, so by the time he gets here, it may be more, LOL).

He stated he had thought about that (coming back out here) and thinks it would be a good idea. Yippee! I also told him this would be a good time to do a bit of traveling (we’re stationed in Europe) while he has the opportunity.

Here’s where I need your help/suggestions: What things should I work on with him once he gets here to get him ready for life? He has AWFUL money management skills, so that’s something he definitely needs to work on. He’s one of those people that just uses his debit card until he can’t any more. No tracking his finances whatsoever. UGH! If you know of anything, be it a website, app, anything, that you’d recommend, let me know.

His diet, he actually knows what he SHOULD eat, but I’m sure, being stateside and having too many fast food choices hasn’t been helping. He loves good food, but will settle for junk if it’s available. He actually loves to cook.

I need to get him to do things other than play video games, just not sure what I should try to get him interested in. He is interested in traveling to some places while were here, but just not sure what else to try to get him involved in.

I would love to listen to any and all suggestions you may have!!

2

This gets a little trickier now that he’s over eighteen and legally an adult. Does your base offer classes on budgeting, healthy living, and that sort of thing for young military members and their families? These might be a resource for some basic instruction. Are there opportunities for any types of jobs for young people on or off base? Is there a DoD school or youth center where he could volunteer? Just brainstorming here.

3

He’s on our orders, so he has all the entitlements still. Over here, the only possibility for employment is pretty much on base (he could work off, but only for an American company). He does want to get a job, so once he’s here, we’ll have him look into that. I’ll have to check into the classes. My youngest daughter, who is still in high school, is taking a finance class that definitely seems like something that would have been good for him. We PCS’d here when he was a senior, so he had to take very specific classes to meet graduation requirements and couldn’t take that one. My daughter’s going to look into her school book and other things to see if there’s some info good for him. Figures my last child (out of 4) is the only one that’s really good with her money, LOL. There are definitely volunteering opportunities he could look into, I hadn’t thought of that (yes, there’s a DOD school, my husband’s a teacher there, LOL).

Thanks for your suggestions. Adding 'em to my list!

4

Err, whose idea was it to have him go to college during the day and work from 10pm until 5am? did he somehow convince you he’d be able to do it, in pure adolescent hubris? That schedule is sheer madness. Your son didn’t drop out because of any flaw in himself, he had to drop out because of that impossible, completely bonkers schedule that probably ran him into the ground, and he’s likely currently recovering both due to physical and mental health issues caused by having no time to sleep plus the added stress of such a schedule. He’s also probably feeling depressed, rootless, away from his family, and needing to figure out what to do, but feeling generally terrible about everything (hence the poor daily habits).
Everything else is secondary to his health, that took a bad hit - make SURE he goes to therapy, exercises daily, has 8-9 hours of sleep (no electronics - find a way to make sure they’re all turned off, such as a time management program/app that helps ADD people), until he returns to normal, and hoping that schedule didn’t do permanent damage to his still growing body or his growing brain.

Reassure him there’s nothing wrong with him: he’s just discovered he’s not superhuman and he needs to pay attention to his own needs. He is NOT a failure. He did NOT “fail at college”. He took a reasonable way out: protect his mind and body that were endangered by the regimen he was under.

Get him a recipe book with simple recipes that appeal to boys (anything pasta-based and potato-based is good - bake a potato, add x topping, with a variety of suggestions; soups with crunchy additions).
Have him email you a picture of his “recipe of the day” and congratulate him for it, or say it makes you want to try it, or whatever positive reinforcement you will come up with :slight_smile:
That’ll cut down the junk food.
(Also, send him a copy of the “Supersize me” DVD. The never-rotting fries and the “decreased sexual drive” - or whatever way it was termed- should impact his consumption habits :p)

What were his stats?
I’m asking because there are several possibilities in addition to the above:
1° if he had merit-aid worthy stats, he shouldn’t take any class for credit. However you could ask him to take community education classes, either where he currently is or in Europe, if that exists. Or you could register him for Financial Literary classes online via FLVS (they even have a Dave Ramsay version). it’d cost a little money but it’d help him with financial management and would keep his brain occupied. You’d have to monitor that he does do the work as his aimless weeks may have disrupted his time management skills, which are crucial for online classes. FLVS are HS level and thus wouldn’t undercut his chances at merit aid somewhere.
2° if he had average stats (20-24 ACT or 900-1100 SAT, 2.8-3.3 GPA) he could enroll in ONE community college class to keep his brain engaged with a requirement from you that he also participate in one intramural team (if he wants to join the military it’s pretty important he get back into shape) as well as one job he should keep for at least 6 weeks (…or whatever). Community college instate should be cheap. However because the semester has started, it’d have to be a community college with a quarter system.
3° if he returns to your current base, will he be allowed to volunteer in the local community, will he be able to sharpen his language skills (does he speak the local language? if not, why not make it a goal to learn/improve and join a local club to practice/meet people?), will there be a financial literacy class for him to take (online? not-for-credit?) as well as a job on base?

Before the “no sleep schedule” breakdown, what were his goals in life? What college(s) did he get into? Did he have good study habits? Did he practice any sport or participate in any club?

5

So he was living in your home, working full time for UPS and taking classes- in the evening? This is a very unusual situation if he was attempting full time school. Of course I know many adults who work and raise families and take a course or two. I also know many young people who do school full time and work a few hours a week. He could approach it either way.

And there are many adult learner, online, distance, continuing education and extension programs for those who do not want a residential college and who want a p/t schedule.

Health and weight are up to him at this point. One of mine gained weight and I held my tongue: it has to come from them, and it did, eventually. If he lives with you, have healthy food around and keep unhealthy food out, and encourage doctor visits, but otherwise it can be out of your control.

Where is he getting money? Can his access to money be limited? Having money makes it possible for him to do nothing, live in your home, and play video games.

It seems very all or nothing that he either would go to school and work f/t or not do either. If there are mental health issues still going on, he might benefit from counseling or meds. Has he been evaluated for ADHD?

Look up National Outdoor Leadership School. That program helps a lot of young people. It is a wilderness program that teaches skills in the outdoors.

6

The whole working full time plus college was a set up for failure, who had that happen? He could work for UPS at 25 hrs a week, still get full tuition reimbursement and go to college all 3 semesters with a tolerable school schedule . Did he not have any adults helping with all this? Why full time? He qualified for FA, you were not offering any financial help at all? How much is his tuition? He lives at home for free? I suppose my question is did he have no choice but to work full time? That is not how young people succeed in college.