Big Changes/Support- Help Needed

<p>Hey everyone, my name is PJ and I am an 18 year old college freshmen. I go to a small, private catholic college in MD. In the summer I was assigned to a 4 person suite unexpectedly, and I had no issue with it. It was in one of the older buildings on campus (built in 1962). We and my roommates were lucky, we had a full bathroom, kitchen, washer/dryer, and a huge refrigerator. </p>

<p>Anyway, my whole life I have wet the bed, it's a hormone problem/deficiency that cannot consistently be fixed with any particular medication. Anyway, the way our room was set up was there were 2 people per room. Well, around the second to third week of school I wet the bed. I was getting up at around 5:45-6:30 due to 8 AM classes, and I took care of things right away. I sprayed Febreeze, Lysol, wiped down the mattress, etc., all while my roommate was asleep in the bed beside me. It then happened a week and a half later, but I've had it under tight reign ever since. </p>

<p>The day after the second incident my roommate asked if I had a minute as I was getting dressed at 6:30 AM. He said a few of his friends pointed out a smell they did not recognize (But he did recognize). He asked me what was going on and I explained everything to him straight out. Well, then he went to the RA across the hall (I did not know that until recently) and then the RA said he started "Smelling a weird smell" when he walked past our room at the start of the hall. He brought this up twice with me, both times I became more and more aware and careful. Then about the third weekend into September (September 19) my RA's supervisor (Director of RA's) emailed me for the first time saying he just became aware of some concerns about my room, and wanted to have a meeting with me. </p>

<p>The Assistant Director was concerned- he was concerned about the reports he had been notified of, but as he talked to me more he started to question why I spend so much time working in the schools dining hall/cafe and not going back to my room - he started going on how he was concerned I wasn't making friends based on what I told, but I've ALWAYS liked working alone, I'm more efficient that way. Then about a week a later he called me to his office once more, saying that he had spoken to my roommate and that my roommate "laid it all out" and had real concerns, he then called my roommate in 30 minutes later for us all to discuss the issue, that was on September 26. My roommate, the assistant director, and I talked about what could be done. I carried out the situation we proposed.</p>

<p>The second week I was awoken at 3 AM by my roommate puking his guts out all over our carpeted our room, and I could definitely tell no one cared. There are still huge, bright bleach spots all over the milk chocolate covered carpet. A week before I overheard them in the next room talking about revenue, profit, and payments. Always looking for business opportunities I poked my head in the next room and saw a partially case of Jack Daniels Whiskey on the floor, they had been SELLING it to sophomores. A girl knocked on the door about an hour later and bought a full sized bottle of Jack Daniels, stuck it in her satchel, and left. Three hours later that girl came back with 3 cans of beer in a plastic grocery bag. Then, in the last week of September our invited my roommates and I to address rumors that he had been hearing of Alcohol, Drugs, Weed, etc., and said he didn't want to see anyone get in trouble. One of my roommates turned bright white. </p>

<p>According to my roommates and the RA, the urine smell never went away (I even tried pet odor spray in a spray bottle and sprayed down everything in site. The thing I hadn't of had an accident for at least 2-3 weeks before that. MY roommate was the only one who I knew for certain knew about the issue, not the other 2 roommates in the other room. Well in the second week of October I was called in for another meeting, this time with the housing director and the RA director. They said there was a single room they thought I might like in a separate building on campus that was more centralized to everything, so that I might be "more comfortable." It was an opportunity they were only giving me (Single rooms are coveted on campus). I had about 4 days to tell them yes and more, as the school was preparing for a 10 day fall break. I mulled it over.</p>

<p>Apparently during break when the RA's were inspecting the rooms my RA once again smelled urine in the first room only, my room. He left a notice in the center of the back of my door for everyone to see, all my roommates saw it before I did. They were upset/concerned because the RA said he was going to document us for it. It was then when I got an email about meeting the housing director about if I was still interested in the single room. Well this is where things get interesting, I was never really given a chance to say yes or no at that meeting. She (The housing director) was essentially trying to sell me on the single room. They said they wanted everyone to be comfortable. I never said a "yes" or "no" yet she put the contract/moving form in front of me to sign, that was last Thursday 10/23, they wanted me to move in over next 5 days. Apparently the other 3 roommates all wanted to move out of the room for various reasons both personal and hygiene, BUT the other 2 NEVER SAID A WORD or gave any indication of a problem. </p>

<p>Yesterday night I told the guys in my room that tomorrow (Tuesday) would be the day I would move out since I only have a 2 PM class. But one of the guys INSISTED that I move out THAT night, and they would help me and could do it in 1-2 trips across campus with all of them helping. I was RUSHED into throwing all of my things haphazardly into boxes and crates my roommates had. This happened at 8 PM. We all marched across the campus to my new room and they all literally dumped by books, clothes, Papers, and other belongings on my desk, bed, and floor- just so they could take the crates back. I was in tears as we walked across campus, but I hid it the best I could. It looked like a hurricane hit. Not a single goodbye was said. </p>

<p>Two of the guys and I started messaging back and forth and these were some of the things said: "Dude it's okay," "Seriously don't worry about it, things happen, we can still hangout when you want to. " "We don't dislike you, it needed to be done and there are no hard feelings." Or "We respect you and we understand what happened but resident life had come,to the conclusion that this is the best solution for,all of us" </p>

<p>I just feel hurt, isolated, and upset. </p>

<p>Here is what irks me </p>

<p>1) The RA knew about the problem and so did the whole housing office, why did he keep having to bring it up?
2) How can my roommates get drunk, puke on the floor, sell liquor, have 10-15 friends at a time over, etc. and not have to switch rooms or get in trouble - I think my issue was insignificant compared to what they were doing.</p>

<p>I miss my old room</p>

<p>Suggestions?</p>

<p>I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m a little surprised they didn’t put you in a single from the start, given your condition. It sounds like you’ve got it (mostly) under control and that your roommates might’ve blown it out of proportion, but I can also see their side too, and why it might freak them out.</p>

<p>It sounds like your roommate did have a problem with it. Maybe his imagination made him think it was happening more frequently, maybe he’s more sensitive to smells than you are, maybe he was just weirded out by the whole thing. It sounds like he went to the RA more than once though, given how much attention you got from the housing office. Clearly he was bothered, even if he didn’t say anything to you. And if your roommate was really upset by it, he could have mentioned it to your suitemates as well… rumors don’t usually spread across a campus, but they can certainly spread within a room or floor. And if they were gossiping it could blow the problem/rumors out of proportion. Based on how everyone else acted in your story it sounds like your roommate may have been telling a version of the story where it was happening every week.</p>

<p>And you can’t really blame the housing office for offering (forcing?) a single either. Even though your roommate had more of an issue with sharing a room than you did, I could see the concern that it would be an issue again with a new roommate. And they probably figure it’ll be less embarrassing for you if there is another incident. I think they honestly want you to be happier and more comfortable, even if they kinda forced you into moving.</p>

<p>As for your specific questions:

  1. It sounds like your roommate didn’t just mention it once, it sounds like he was actively bringing it up with the RA. Either that or the room really did smell, it’s hard to judge through the internet. But if your roommate kept going to the RA it would make sense for the RA to keep mentioning it to you, especially if the roommate was making a huge deal out of it.</p>

<ol>
<li> If no one complains, nothing will happen. Again, it sounds like one of your roommates had it out for you, but it doesn’t sound like you ever reported the problems you had with them. If the school doesn’t know, the school isn’t going to bust them. And if no one has an issue, there’s no reason to move people.</li>
</ol>

<p>There’s also a chance there’s something else at play here. Maybe the bedwetting wasn’t as big a factor in this as you’re making it out to be and something else upset them, or maybe they just don’t like you. I had a roommate once who hated me for being “too quiet” and a “nerd girl”. She screamed at me, screamed at housing, and the next day she was gone. She was the one who had a problem, even if she pretended I was the problem, and I felt awful about it for weeks… but at the same time, I was glad she was gone, and the room was a much better place without her. Sometimes people just don’t get along well, or they have issues with things that are unrelated or generally not considered a problem. It could have just been bad luck with who you were rooming with.</p>

<p>Overall I’d say try not to let it get to you. If your roommate was really bothered that much, it’s probably better that you don’t have to live with them anymore. Is there a non-roommate friend you can go hang out with for a bit? It might help take your mind off all this, and get you out of your single for a while. :)</p>

<p>There was one roommate in the second room that was kind of the “bad apple” of the 4 of us. He had a car and was the one who got and sold the alcohol earlier in the semester. He was very quiet around me and never spoke to me. His father teaches at Duke and he was here on a MEGA scholarship. I was talking to friends last night and it sounds like there was a lot of tension and animosity in that second room between the two guys, so much so that when I moved out one of them moved into my old spot/bed with my old roommate. So now that one guy has the ENTIRE second room (Very spacious) to himself. </p>

<p>Set up your new bed so that even if you had a accident, there would be no smell. E.g. put a plastic cover on your mattress and then wash everything if neccessary.</p>

<p>It almost sounds to me that the “urine smell” was an excuse to get you out so you wouldn’t interfere with their alcohol selling scheme. Might be good if they get caught, you won’t be associated.</p>

<p>Also, you know you have a bed wetting problem…but the RA may not…they may have experience with people that get too drunk peeing on themselves.</p>

<p>Have you been to nationwide specialists? Have you been screened for a kidney condition? Have you been screened for a sleep disorder?</p>

<p>And sorry, but if you have this issue, even once in a while, you have to get a plastic bed liner, and put an extra absorbent cover on the bed as well. And buy cheap sheets you can throw out.</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.chop.edu/centers-programs/division-urology#.VFZa38nkzoY”>Division of Urology | Children's Hospital of Philadelphia;
<a href=“Why Choose Us for Urology | Children's Hospital of Philadelphia”>Why Choose Us for Urology | Children's Hospital of Philadelphia;

<p>I don’t know if they would see you, if you are over 18, but they might have a good referral for you. They might see you since you had the problem when you were a child.</p>

<p>You also need help from the counseling center or the ADA office. Basically you are being discriminated against because of a medical disorder (whether or not you think that is the real reason, that’s what they say is the reason, and that is ILLEGAL).</p>

<p>However, if you don’t want a single but you don’t want to use a plastic bed liner and extra covers, even the ADA coordinator for the campus would say you are expecting unreasonable accommodations.</p>

<p>Personally, if you are a loner, be happy with the single.</p>

<p>Sounds like it’s for the best, even if they could’ve been more honest with you. Do you really want to be in the suite with them with the alcohol being sold? Just enjoy your single!</p>

<p>rhandco,</p>

<p>You name it, I’ve tried it. My mom and I have done it all. Specialists, measuring my urine output, alarms, etc. I have Diabetes Insipidus, essentially my body cannot hold onto water. </p>

<p>This has happened since I was BORN, and has never stopped for long </p>

<p>My urine is EXTREMELY concentrated at night and right when I wake up in the morning. </p>

<p>At home my mom was VERY sensitive to the smell of urine, she could smell it from a mile a way. </p>