I have talked to my D extensively about this as well. I asked her if she would like to thrive at her safety school, or be pushed and challenged at her more reach schools. Before we heard from any of the schools - her answer was simple. “I want to go to a school that I am HAPPY at.” At the end of the day, she doesn’t care about the name of the school, but where she will learn and fit into the best. She has gotten into two of her safety schools, and will be really happy at either one - she wouldn’t have applied to those if she didn’t want to go. She has been deferred from two reach schools, and still waiting on three more. FIT is the best in HER opinion, and she is the one who needs to be happy in order to thrive and learn at any school. It’s hard as a parent because you want them to get into the “best” school, but they are the ones doing the work.
I read an article a few months ago (I can’t remember where) where a person didn’t get into any Ivies like his classmates did. He therefore went to the honors college at a “lesser school” (and I hate that word) and after graduation ended up at the exact same job as some of his classmates who went to an Ivy School. He got to participated in a lot of leadership things he wouldn’t have been able to accomplish at other schools.