<p>D (oldest) decided to accept scholarship at distant, great college over much closer, great colleges with loans. After my initial relief over finances, I sank into a state of grief. Realistically she won't be home other than brief visits because of demanding curriculum and summer research/internships. I remind myself that it is good that she is happy with her college and independent enough to make this choice. Just cannot shake my own sense of loss. For the past 2 weeks I tear up whenever I think about it.</p>
<p>How long will this last? Any suggestions as to how to ease my own way through this life transition?</p>
<p>Two weeks? Oh my. Honestly it took me more like 2 years to really begin to feel at ease with my kid living away and apart. For me, it was all about communication, and I got used to emails (one-way rah-rah lines from me that didn't require a response), calls (that he initiated), visits home, sending digital pictures by computer, and being happy to read anything he thought was good to share. </p>
<p>It crept up on me that by late sophomore year, I noticed: I'm happier about his accomplishments (which occur at a distance) than I am sad he's not right here under my roof. Especially I realized I couldn't possibly provide him the opportunities he was receiving there if he were close to home. </p>
<p>So two weeks is a drop in the bucket for some. Give yourself PLENTY of time and just let the feelings and events flow. It will work out but it's a long process for some of us to let go.</p>
<p>You can always go visit her. Especially during the summer when she's more relaxed and/or bored. Besides, you get used to having a calm quiet house. By the end of the first Christmas break, you might even be happy to see her go!</p>
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By the end of the first Christmas break, you might even be happy to see her go!
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<p>Amen. Love 'em to death, but when it's time fly the nest, it's time!</p>
<p>To the original poster, buck up. There are probably more trying moments to yet to come.</p>
<p>Our worst? An e-mail from Argentina saying how much little precious was looking forward to hang-gliding in the foothills of the Andes Mountains the next day.</p>
<p>Trust me, as a parent, that is an e-mail you DON'T want to get. All you can do is suck it up and pray for the best. We replied, "if you survive, at least e-mail us as soon as you can and give us the good news, because we'll be worried sick!"</p>
<p>A friend has a D who is doing activities along the line of hang gliding in the Andes. She is gracious enough to not tell her folks until AFTER the activity, when she reports how terrific the experience was.</p>
<p>BTW, we found the reality of S being away at school was not as bad as what we expected. We miss him so much, but are thrilled at how happy he is at college.</p>
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Any suggestions as to how to ease my own way through this life transition?
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<p>There's a classic book for parents called "Letting Go." Many on this forum recommend it to each other. (When in doubt, read about it..and I noted your screenname).</p>
<p>There's the excitement of the selection process, and then the emotional reality sinks in, right? Raising her, and getting her to this point I'd think has been one of the core experiences of your life. It's a major transition, this letting go and moving on. Be kind to yourself, and savor this summer-assuming she's still home for awhile. </p>
<p>Then come back and check the threads around late Aug/Sept. Plenty of company here, as she and you both settle into a new life.</p>
<p>My D has decided on a great school that is 1300 miles away and I couldn't be happier for her. I would have chosen another school, Duke, but it was her decision to make and I believe that she will be happy with her choice.</p>
<p>For eighteen years I have guided her and helped her make decisions in preparation for college, her career and life. She has garnered accolades that were beyond my expectations; she took the initiative to invest her resources and assumed the risks. Going off to college 1300 miles away is no different. We worked together over a long period of time for her to have the confidence that this decision is best for her.</p>
<p>I am very proud of her and I also take pride in the role that I have played in her life. My role now is to be less involved and to encourage her to find her own way. I never expected my D to be close enough to come home on weekends. If she needs help, I am a phone call away. If she needs to see me, the flight is only three hours. </p>
<p>To the OP, you have accomplished the goal of getting your D off to college and on her own. Hopefully you can recognize that as an achievement for you and for your daughter. Good luck!</p>
<p>My son is also going away to college at a distance, he won't be able to come home except for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. and it is sinking in now that I will be missing him in September. I have an older son who just finished his second year at a school only 30 minutes from home. Its funny but I felt the same way about my oldest even though he was close to home. It is a big change having them move away from home no matter how far. In time you get used to them not being home and some how when they do come back home everyone knows the rules have changed and no one wants to admit it. They become very independent adults. I have already made plans to visit son #2 at the end of Sept for the parents weekend, booked a hotel and made plans to go to a football game. When we drop him off at the end of August at least I will know that I will see him in 4 weeks and that gives me comfort!</p>
<p>DD went over 1300 miles away this past year. Not my oldest but my youngest so combined that with empty nest. She and I used to go to the theater together since DH did not care for it. I really, really missed her. Well, we went to visit a couple of times and by the time she came home on various breaks, it was about the same as having her at a closer campus. The only time home she missed when all her freinds were here was homecoming weekend. You don't see them all the time anyhow even if they are on a closer campus unless they are at a commuter campus. </p>
<p>Save some money up, get really good at finding good airfares. Then you can attend the parents weekend and have her home for the short breaks. But what really helped is that she IS a girl and she would text me and call me much more often than the boys did. We actually saw her and heard from her more than the boys who went to closer colleges. It was a longer drive to them than it was a flight to her. </p>
<p>And in the end, it is great to have her so happy. I will always miss her but I am so proud of her. Now DH and I get a chance to figure out why we got married in the first place. No more kids to distract :)</p>
<p>My father in law grew up in Egypt and about 58 years ago left for college in the US and never looked back.</p>
<p>When my sons went more than 10,000 miles away for college, I only had to think about how my father-in-laws parents must have felt for about half a second to realize how the modern era affords us so much luxury in terms of communication and travel.</p>
<p>Have we missed them, of course...we see them twice per year, talk as much as they want to talk, email more often...Holidays together are cherished and we just move ahead and enjoy our time together.</p>
<p>I would be thrilled my child made the brave and fiscally responsible choice...and just enjoy all this says about your parenting and your child.</p>
<p>Every one of you helped me get some perspective, that this is a normal reaction. It just took me by surprise; I thought I'd be celebrating, not crying at this point, after the application/decision ordeal ended so successfully. Glad to hear that better feelings surface eventually. Thank you ALL for sharing wisdom born from your own experiences.</p>
<p>It takes some time, but you'll be ok. DD goes to school on the opposite coast. She only comes home twice a year...Christmas and summer. This year, she will only be here for two weeks at the tail end of the summer. We miss her a lot...but she is very happy where she is going to school. She is working hard and is doing well. </p>
<p>I will say...her two weeks home at the end of the summer is JUST the right amount of time for her to be home!!</p>
<p>MomPhD -- it really is a normal reaction, and it's due to a rite of passage, not distance. My son went off to college last year and it was really hard on me to pass his room, not set a place for him at the dinner table, etc. I didn't feel whole and relaxed about it for months! And you know what -- he was living in a dorm at a college that's 15 minutes from our house!!! When they're gone, they're gone. When they're grown, they're grown.</p>
<p>I remember the end of his senior year feeling so melancholy about the last parent teacher meeting, the last this, the last that. He got to this stage so quickly, I guess it really caught me off guard. I wasn't ready for the quiet. It's especially strange because in the last few weeks before they go off to college there's a huge flurry of activity -- running around to buy all the necessary supplies, and then there was this huge void. It was such a contrast to the time leading up to it. So brace yourself. You will be able to get through it, though. Just remember that you have a lot of company!</p>
<p>MomPhD,
Another parent here in the same situation. A couple of things helped a little:
AIM on the computer allows us to "talk" to each other without me calling and interrrupting something or vice versa.<br>
We email very frequently. </p>
<p>Coming from a small town, everyone asks about DS when I am out and about. It feels good to relate how well he is doing, how much he has matured, etc. Makes it easier to feel proud of his independence instead of sad that he has flown the coop. </p>
<p>We actually don't visit often. He has his own life there and we are really not a daily part of it. </p>
<p>I know the Letting Go book is always recommended, truthfully I didn't find it very helpful. In my experience that initial break the first fall was very difficult. I made lots of plans with friends, etc. We planned a vacation for that first Thanksgiving he wasn't going to be home rather than just be a small threesome alone at home. </p>
<p>It definitely took time to make the adjustment and it is a big adjustment. Not just for the kid going off to school but for the parents being left behind.</p>
<p>One thing more...by the end of that summer before freshman year, my son was very ready to go off to college and we were very ready for him to go (he wasn't all that far from home). Everyone told me I would cry..but I didn't. We all went for a two day orientation and he was so at home at the end, it was very easy to leave and feel happy for him. Then Thanksgiving came. Having him home was wonderful...there really WAS a change in him and it was like having another adult in the house. We had a terrific time. We drove him back to school and THEN I cried...I just missed him so much. But it passed...and it was the only time I cried.</p>
<p>blackeyedsusan is right, distance has little to do with how often they'll come home! D is less than 4 hours driving time away. Came home for Thanksgiving & Christmas in the fall. Spring semester? Not once until we went up to help pack & store. She was here for 10 days, now gone on a side trip, goes back to campus next Sunday for summer research! Probably won't come back to our home until August, then right back for junior year. Ah well, this is what we sacrificed and hoped for.....but no one EVER said it would be easy!</p>
<p>Still one at home, so I'm trying not to jump the gun about missing her already.</p>
<p>Don't know how I'll handle being alone all the time when she heads out the door in two years. I'll have to bookmark all of these threads for advice.</p>
<p>Don't bother Karen, it will come up again in September, and next Spring and then next September and....</p>
<p>I went through the same feelings with my daughter but not quite as bad with my son. Not all daughters are chatty and willing to IM. My daughter and I were/are very close but when she went off to college she quickly decided that once a week phone calls were often enough and ten days wasn't bad either. I did get used to it. Son was a little easier because he doesn't talk much anyway. I think I'll have a rough time with youngest, but will cross that bridge when we come to it in three years.</p>
<p>BTW, as hard as it was having my daughter going to college 16 hours away, that made it easier to have her go to China, four years later. I think about/miss my girl every day but knowing that she's happy makes it okay. I found the best way to deal was to have a "next time I see her" in the back of my mind so I always have something to look forward to.</p>