<p>I read the thread on Competitive Acceptance (family) Celebrations last night, and it has hit me really hard that when our high school senior receives the notices, we will not be with him. Because of a specialized emphasis, our child is at a boarding school, and that week (first week in April) we will not even be at home, but rather at an important professional conference. So, we will be on cell phones, (hopefully one of us can always pick up) and our child will be on his own (with friends going through the same thing.) This is awful. </p>
<p>How do people do this? How do we share this momentous event? How do we have the conversations about the (hopefully) choices and options? Do most boarding schools have something in place to nurture the kids through this? Is there any degree of sensitivity about this time? Do the kids feel all alone in the world? </p>
<p>Of course then there are the other issues of making sure we get our hands on the pieces of paper necessary to respond appropriately and in a timely fashion, which is no easy feat for our organizationally challenged teen, but that is another topic!</p>
<p>I wouldn't stress about it. I went through this with two of my kids and we just celebrated with them the next time we saw them.</p>
<p>Actually, depending on where your son applied, some results may dribble in in March, before you leave. (I guess the Ivies come in the first week of April, but presumably his list isn't restricted to them.)</p>
<p>Kids at boarding schools are usually very close and supportive of one another--and most of them will be going through the same up and downs as your son. And there's always your child's college counsellor--a big part of their job come April is to be sympathetic when needed and help strategize among options. </p>
<p>You'll be back home from the conference the second week of April, right? That gives you plenty of time to discuss options with your son before he has to decide and send in his response May 1. </p>
<p>Actually, home is nowhere near where he is, we just will be more easily accessible by phone (and e-mail.) Obviously we will get to him if there is any great trauma in all of this, but usually once we offer to do the extraordinary, he demurs, says he can manage fine. </p>
<p>I am not so sure about his cohorts being helpful, because they are competing with each other in many instances. Many of these are not ivies, but rather specialized schools. Already there has been tension and awkwardness because of a preliminary process for some of the schools, which weeded kids out before they completed application process. Slowly it is sorting itself out, however, as some of the other students have moved on to different goals. This process is difficult, quite a culminating revelation, but it is important to the reality check which is life. In a specialized school, it is more meaningful as an assessment tool, and the admission results are predictive of the future. To those of us not trained and knowledgeable in the fields, it seems very subjective, but for those judging, it is not. They know what they are doing. </p>
<p>Thanks for your words of encouragement. I guess I feel guilty, thinking I SHOULD be there. But then, this is where he wants to be, so........this is the way it is.</p>
<p>If the momentous event turns out to be celebratory, it might be fun to go the "old fashioned" route for celebrating: send a telegram (Can you still do that?). Or a cookiegram, or whatever. If he has an RA on his floor, whom you can "get in cahoots" with once you have heard good news, you could have him deliver that special something with personal meaning to your son (favorite food, CD from his favorite musician...)</p>
<p>My reaction is "Oh for heaven's sake don't worry". </p>
<p>I was at boarding school when the acceptances came in, and all the girls (who were not ALWAYS nice to each other) were all together hugging, crying, hollering, whatever as they snatched their envelopes from the mailboxes at the central residences. My best friend came "down the hill" to the classroom area and gave me a hug and said "All I can say is, I love you"--all of my envelopes were fat, so it was just an expression of pride, not consolation. But our shared friend did not get in to her first choice school (which was the same as mine, and which HAD caused tension between us before the letters were received), and she was just fine too, as she got other acceptances. I think that the finality of the event allows for a fairly quick transition to excitement over the future in most cases, even if it isn't the first choice school. Eventually I got to a pay phone (what we had in those days) and reached my mom (who seemed more in disbelief that I'd gotten in than happy, thankyouverymuchforyourconfidencemom). He will be just fine regardless. At this age, what counts is having good friends nearby. I am hoping that you get a thrilled cell phone message, but I warn you: you won't be able to concentrate on your conference for the duration of it ;-). I remember that phenomenon (can't focus because of the excitement) for a day or two, myself last year.</p>
<p>Patient: You are a calmer parent that I am, and for that I admire and envy you. I know they will all move on, but there is certainly a lot of drama in the moment. And oh, don't I wish I could be fly on the wall!!!!!!</p>
<p>Lorelei, I doubt that I am calmer at all, and I would probably be just as worried as you, if I were in your shoes. But your post made me really remember what it was like to a be a senior at boarding school. (Ours was not a specialized boarding school, but it was quite competitive so in that way was similar). They really are, in many ways, in their own world and have learned how to deal with triumphs and setbacks on their own--a very good thing and great preparation for college life! All the very best to you and your family.</p>
<p>Lorelei- I am a senior at a boarding school right now, and my advice is that you don't have anything to worry about. All the rest of the kids in his grade are getting acceptances and denials and defferals as well, and relatively few of their parents are there sharing in the drama. Most boarding school kids have learned to deal with victory and defeat on their own, without the watchful eye of their parents, especially by the age of 17 or 18. I don't mean any disrespect, but the world of boarding school is a very different world than the world of home, and from an outside view, even that of a parent, it is hard to look in and see that. I am positive that your son will share his news with you and discuss it and ask for your advice, but he will also be able to do this with his friends and teachers. So sit back and relax- no matter what the decisions, he will be able to find the support that he needs. I wish you all the best.</p>