<p>A very common theme I have come across here is the idea of "fit" for a kid. I'd like to try to understand how other parents and their kids gauge this. I have been taking an approach of ignoring college placement results for a moment and imagining how my son will live his daily life and what will be the best environment for creativity, learning, and personal development. After all, I think we can all agree that our children are much more likely to be successful in life (and probably in boarding school over the 4 years) if they learn how to learn and how to develop meaningful relationships in a respectful way with others -- Isn't this the reason we are not sending our children to the LPS?</p>
<p>After visiting many schools, we feel that Choate was most likely to be the best fit for us (student and parents) - but this was only after a 2-3 hour visit and interview. We haven't visited Hill or L'ville yet and these schools appear to be possibly good as well, so not sure what the eventual ranking will be. How can we really assess what makes a school a best "fit?" I paid the ridiculous "premium" fee for the prep school review site - not helpful. I have put some time into reading posts on CC, which has actually proven to be the most useful online tool available. </p>
<p>If it is a top boarding school, I agree, don’t try to distinguish between them when making a final selection based on college stats or test scores. They ALL are going to have a great college counselling program, excellent matriculation statistics, tons of amazing classes with a small number of students, etc. I do think that each school has a “feel” to it, and that the visits/tours give you a good sense of that. If she felt most comfortable at Choate then that should be a finalist - but have her apply to a few others as well and you can make the choice on revisit day. Also have her read through the course catalog and get a sense of the classes and what is emphasized. We did not like the way one school really pushed AP classes, for example. Another school had a lot of really interesting social science classes that you’d normally not see outside of college. </p>
<p>Someone recently remarked to me that finding fit is “like nailing jello to a wall”. A good 2-3 hour visit will certainly provide more of a gut feeling on how you / your child perceive a school. Years ago with S2 we spent considerable time on a campus at a particular school. I believe we (M/D/S2) were all soaking in that gut feeling. I was also coming to gripes that this school probably was a better alternative than my Alma mater. None of it is easy but you kind of know it when you see it. The hard part is hoping that admissions gets that mushy feeling as well. Unfortunately, the real test comes after accepting and attending the school. For some kids it is only a matter of days, others it’s weeks or months that they realize how much they love the school. I also feel that many kids are able to adapt quickly and get into the mix of things given the opportunity by the school and classmates. As for CC a lot of personal perspective and conjecture, just bare in mind that what is good for the goose is not always good for the gander.</p>
<p>Schools also change every year. I would not judge reviews from 4 years ago to be reliable. In that time, all the students would have turned over; the freshmen of the fall of 2010 have graduated. Some of the adults in the school may have changed, too.</p>
<p>The most important change would be a new Head of school. Schools can improve (or not…) after a Head change. Often, administrators will change schools in the wake of a Head change. So do some research about any pending or recent changes at the top. </p>
<p>@psparent - Agree. I actually think that there is a paradoxical negative effect Ivy matriculation when attending a school like Exeter or Andover compared to other top boarding schools who may have a slightly lower stat in that area. Nailing jello to the wall – that is exactly it! It is impossible to assess and one can only go by “gut feeling.” Just didn’t know if there was some other resource that I could look to. Perhaps wait and see what schools we have to choose from and devote Spring Break to revisits…</p>
<p>I think how the schools choose to present themselves to you when you do have contact with them also tells you a fair bit. For instance, in the last couple of weeks, my daughter and I have attended open houses at two boarding schools. At School A, there was a welcome from the head of school, a performance by the choir, and then you were given a map of the school that showed several locations where heads of programs and activities were set up in an open fair style, and you could go ask questions. So you had ample chance to ask what you wanted, but if you didn’t know what questions to ask or weren’t comfortable in that kind of setting, it was hard to gather information. At School B, there was a welcome from the head of school, followed by a panel of teachers talking, then a panel presentation by some students, then the kids got to sit in on the regular student morning auditorium while the parents listened to a panel presentation by current parents, followed by an activities fair. So a lot of information directed at you from the school, but relatively little opportunity to ask individual questions.<br>
Neither approach is right or wrong, and there are pros and cons to both. But I think the chosen approach tells you something about each school. For my daughter, School B’s approach was much more to her liking – she walked away feeling like they really cared about conveying information to prospective students, and much of what was said happened to resonate with her. I’m sure there were other kids, though, who walked away feeling that School B wasn’t for them.<br>
Long story short, I think that a lot of judging “fit” has to come from reading between the lines, and listening as much to what you don’t hear as what you do.</p>
<p>We liked to arrive for our tour and interview a little early and watch the students as they changed classes and walked around the campus. It was clear which schools were friendly and which were not as much. If your tour goes through the dining hall during a meal time, look to see who is eating together, if there are students eating alone, etc. We thought we were going to like every school but were surprised by our negative reaction to one school based on our visit that I thought might be a favorite.</p>
<p>While sometimes it’s an immediate feeling of having walked into a place that feels like it could be home, I think fit is more often determined during/after the revisit days. On school visits and interviews, you really want them to like you. And after the acceptance letters go out, you attend revisit days, where they really want you to like them. The pressure is off, and they are the ones trying to impress you. You have a different perspective, especially if you are fortunate enough to have a few choices.</p>
<p>“Fit” is a very personal & subjective thing. But you can shorten the list quickly & objectively w a few considerations. </p>
<p>Specialized EC or academic offerings:
If you child is a swimmer, rower, etc or wants to study Arabic, u can immediately nix the schools that don’t have pools, crew or don’t offer that subject. Be advised that there are quite a number of schools w pools that have no swim team.</p>
<p>Airport access for int’l boarders & west coast residents
JFK Airport is king if u are int’l. Other airports (BOS, BDL, IAD, BWI, PHL) may call themselves “int’l” but nothing beats JFK for number of destinations, schedule, frequency. All boarding schools organize transportation to airports during breaks, but it is a hassle if u are more than 2 hr driving radius from your key airport.</p>
<p>For breaks, many schools dismiss at noon, then kids have to be back on campus by 7pm. Check the flight options from your country of residence or from west coast-- you’ll save yourself from 4 years of heartburn.</p>
<p>I am with Ironmom. Get there early and observe the school. I also look at the curriculum very closely. Another method is if you like Choate for example send your child to the summer program. </p>
<p>I agree with cameo43 that “fit” maybe doesn’t present itself fully until revisit days. A 2 hour interview and tour visit don’t really give you a full picture. </p>
<p>Try, if you can, to go see a game, or a play, or attend an admissions reception in your area. The more interactions that you have, the better. Pay attention to interactions between students, and students/faculty. </p>
<p>Also, don’t be afraid to ask about the mundane: my DD asked about lights out (how strict is this? what is the policy on weekends? Freshman year vs older years?), study hall rules (in your dorm? at your desk only? can you go to the library?), off-campus policies, what do kids do on weekends (ask to see an actual schedule) and other things. </p>
<p>At one school they gave us a copy of the student handbook which was really helpful. Also ask for a copy of the curriculum guide and try to map out your classes. My DD wanted to study two languages, so she asked a lot of questions about how that might be accomplished. It was amazing to me how different schools answered this question and how much their “attitude” varied in terms of willingness to help her accomplish this goal. </p>
<p>If you can look at a handbook, curriculum guide, and activity/weekend schedule - all meant for current students and not applicants - that will give you a clearer picture of what life will be like. In our case, it also heeled my DD formulate questions and gave her things to look for. </p>
<p>I also think that it’s really important for your child (daughter?) to ask current students about disciplinary policies and/or kids’ attitudes towards partying, hook-ups etc. This was VERY illuminating for her, and is one of the main reasons why she loved both Cate and Thacher even though they are small schools (she thought she wanted big) and far from home. Obviously, you have to take all of these impressions, observations, comments, advice with a grain of salt, but more more that you gather the better you will feel about “fit”.</p>
<p>Good point on the student handbooks, I found those pretty enlightening as well. You can find them on just about every school’s website, not always advertised but if you use the website’s search bar, you can usually find them. And the curriculum listings as well.</p>
<p>Another source of information is the school newspaper, which you can often find somewhere on the school website. Just be advised that some articles, opinion, or humor pieces may give an inaccurate view of the school. </p>
<p>Heartburner, I know you have a son… and Emma Willard is a girls’ school… but on their website, they have a “Best Fit Guide” that would work when looking at single-sex or coed schools. We printed it out and took it with us to our revisits. It’s a checklist of questions that is very helpful when visiting the schools and trying to decide which is the best for you. It’s on their Admissions home page.</p>
<p>I think it’s possible for parents/students to determine fit between the interview and revisit. The leap of faith aspect isn’t totally wiped away (for anyone) with only two visits but I haven’t known many students who chose the wrong school (Unless their reasoning was flawed in the first place. Example: Choosing a school for it’s name)… So that might be comforting to some parents. </p>
<p>One thing above and beyond what little is afforded to all parents is a SS admission team willing to put current parents in touch with applicant parents. It doesn’t sound like much ( some might assume it’s a propaganda tool for admissions ) but I’ve found most interaction with current parents during admissions to be honest, helpful and informative. As a parent/alum working with admissions now, I think I’m pretty open and candid about what a school offers and what it doesn’t - like most parents/alums are. </p>
<p>The good news is (depending on the school)- you might be called anyway as a follow up to the tour/interview to see if you have any questions, or again between M10-A10. I call parents all the time for admissions. Just one word of advice ( for now) if you don’t recognize a number on Caller ID… don’t be hostile when you answer the phone! At least until after A10. I’ve had more parents get embarrassed (when I identify myself) and apologize profusely… and it’s totally fine. You should see how I treat phone solicitors!! I get it. Most people working with BS admissions do, too.</p>
<p>I think most BS admissions will put you in touch with a current parent or alum (before the application deadline and after M10) if you ask. </p>
<p>Also- Student tour guides are always ready, willing and able to answer questions (via email) from student applicants , too. </p>
<p>The other thing that was helpful to us when we were looking at schools was watching sports competitions. As parents, we’d pay close attention to the Coach, conduct and sportsmanship/unity of the players. We were lucky because we had two years at JBS (JBS competes against Secondary schools) before we applied. My kids and I ruled out several schools by watching them in action- or the kids ruled them out when they competed against them. If it’s possible, I highly recommend catching a game or two. Even from the sidelines you can see a lot.</p>
<p>Another suggestion would be to check out a school on Social Media. Look at their YouTube videos, FB and twitter. You will learn quite a bit!</p>
<p>The most important thing (in my book) is for parents to ultimately hand the reins over to their kids and give them the final decision M10. Sure- parents should weigh in and give their opinion… but for this to work (well) you have to let them make the final call. If they want to choose a Hidden Gem over a Big School- let them! Just my two cents… but I’ve done this three times now and watched many nieces and nephews go through this process, too. No one made a bad BS decision and the kids were all in and successful. Most of all- they are happy. </p>
<p>Great post, PhotoMom. I spoke to current parents at all the schools that my daughter was considering. I found that was really helpful… and now, like you, I’m one of those current parents who make and take calls to speak with prospective families! </p>
) but I’ve found most interaction with current parents during admissions to be honest, helpful and informative. As a parent/alum working with admissions now, I think I’m pretty open and candid about what a school offers and what it doesn’t - like most parents/alums are. </p>