<p>I recommend you visit your child’s public school’s guidance counselors. Ask them to give you access to their Naviance account, or whatever they use to track student college results. I think a strong student and athlete from California might have better cards in applying to Dartmouth or Georgetown than a student applying from East coast boarding schools. She would be trading in geographic distribution and novelty in the pool to join schools in which Dartmouth and Georgetown are very popular goals.</p>
<p>Jumping into a competitive boarding school in junior year would be extremely challenging. The stretch from September of Junior year to January of Senior year is the hardest time. She would also not be in line for any leadership positions as a new incoming junior.</p>
<p>There are good boarding schools in California, such as Cate and Thacher. </p>
<p>I agree with soxmom, if she were enrolled at a boarding school, you would have equal access to information from teachers and advisors, as long as there wasn’t something like a court order in place.</p>
<p>For now, you should sit down with your ex and explain to him that your mutual daughter will not get in if the schools don’t think her parents are united in the plan. That means the chances for a good outcome are best if you work together as a team.</p>
<p>From a college perspective, doesn’t the student’s state of her home residence primarily count for geographic diversity rather than the state where she went to boarding school?</p>
<p>I don’t know if a particular college would choose to count her as a “California student” or an “East Coast Boarding Student.” (Or both.) However, colleges often assign admissions reps territories. The rep’s responsible for that territory. I have read and heard that the reps will present the applications from each high school to committee as a group (See the novel, “Admission,” which was made into a movie, or “The Gatekeepers,” by Jacques Steinberg.) Right now, college reps are visiting boarding schools, and other high schools in their territories. </p>
<p>So the high school she attends influences how she is perceived.</p>
<p>I graduated this past spring from Exeter, and, just like Periwinkle said, there are indeed admissions reps assigned to the “east coast boarding school region.” At the revisit day for one “top-tier” college, we got to meet the admissions officer in charge of our region, who picked us out and fought for us in committee. Many of the other students in my admissions officer’s group were from other New England boarding schools, though they lived all over the country. So in this way it is sort of like you are more directly competing within the boarding school pool for a spot at a college, because you have to stand out against others in that pool in the eyes of the admissions rep. </p>
<p>This is just what I gleaned from my experience, no claim to be inside the admissions process or know anything for certain!</p>
<p>That said, I know lots of people who entered Exeter sophomore and junior year (I was a new sophomore myself), and went on to be fully integrated into school life, get into great colleges, and really thrive in the community. Our valedictorian this year was a new junior! Every school is different, of course, and entering at different times will have completely different social and academic repercussions at different places. </p>
<p>I think @choatiemom’s advice in post #5 is really the bottom line. The ability to comfortably interact with adults and others in authority, the life/work balance, the ability to manufacture joy in their endeavors- these are the sorts of reasons to consider boarding school.</p>
<p>She will take a hit by swimming in the “big pool” as @lastelephant suggests. It seems likely that to maintain long-term relationships with elite universities, the college counselors at the boarding schools only endorse the most promising, best-fit, few candidates to any single university, and then try to manage student (and parent) expectations from there.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if she goes in with the idea that she wants to transform through that process (continue the process of transformation from the summer), it could be a very good experience irrespective of college. For me, one of most convincing hallmarks of “is it worth it” is when I ask people who went to prestigious undergraduate and graduate schools to single out their most significant educational experience, they point to their Boarding School as molding the habits, thought processes, and life balance that is most important to their life- whether it is shortly after or long after graduation.</p>
My daughter got in to Groton. Will be entering during her 11th grade year. However one poster wrote, “…And while your ex may try to shut you out of the application process, once she’s at boarding shool, the school (including her advisor, teachers, etc) won’t let you be shut out and will view you as being an equally important part of the equation that is your child…”
Here is what I learned today. I am being shut out. I received an email telling me to go into my parent account and complete the Health/Placement forms. When I did so, I received a msg. telling me that “another household has access to these forms; we only allow one household access in order to avoid duplications…” I emailed the school and received the following response…(and I am paraphrasing) - since your ex signed up first on the Groton application, he is the P1 parent and our system only allows the P1 parent access…we can call him for you and see if he will allow you access…do you think he would object?
We shared 50/50 joint and legal custody. Pretty simple. What makes it complex is my daughter’s father refuses to co-parent with me. That is not my point, but the refusal to co-parent makes Groton’s “policy” troublesome. I would never had thought that simply because I did not fill out a form first, that I have no access to school documents and no input. Other than to go to my ex and seek their permission. That is ludicrous. So until this is all sorted out…the P2 parent at Groton is certainly NOT an equally important part of the equation.
This is enlightening to me, and I’m truly sorry for your situation and distress. Which I hope will be rectified on the school’s end, to your satisfaction.
You should clarify with the school exactly what things only P1 has access too. I can tell you that at one of my kids’ schools, only one parent can get into the system to submit health forms, but both parents have access to that actually interesting stuff – i.e., grades and teacher comments. If it’s just submitting forms, does it really matter that much that you don’t have access too?
Yes, it does matter. We are divorced. It’s not like a home where mom and dad sit down together and both have input on forms before clicking the Send button. Our divorce is not an amicable one. So there is no chance of meeting with the other parent to mutually go over what we want sent to Groton. And I cannot trust the other parent to provide accurate and complete information. (he won’t even tell me when my daughter has a doctor’s appointment, has been taken to the emergency room, and historically omits my name on school forms, doctor’s forms etc… - just a few examples) So yes, it does matter. And I legally should not have to go to an ex simply to get “permission” (as Groton called it in their ill-worded response) to view forms and add information. It is not as if one parent has sole legal authority on school matters. Both households should have input on forms and ability to view such forms. I know he would lose his cookies if the shoe was on the other foot.
This is a huge concern and raises a red flag. Hey peeps there might be a spot opening up at Groton for a child on the wait list.
just one more observation, for Bluegoldgirl but any other parents who may be concerned . . . the governing document is not really the “application” forms submitted by January xx. The contract that is sent after the decision offering admission is what specifies who (parental or otherwise) will receive what. And this contract may be filled out differently each year of enrollment. I do not know where schools send these contracts when the parents have indicated different domiciles but joint custody.
Prospective parents reading this thread who are divorced might ask about these arrangements at each school they’re interested in, as it could be handled very differently from place to place. ~O)
…is ignored. “They” just do not seem to understand the delicacies and fine balance of a divorce situation. I don’t want to get in hip-deep, but @Bluegoldgirl, I feel your pain- and have felt your pain (different school- same “just work it out among the two of you, what’s the big deal” diffident attitude).
I’m sorry about your plight. Groton is likely suffering with an antiquated computer system that reflects the archaic standard of only one primary custodian. We experienced this is the past at a local private school. As maddening as it was, there wasn’t anything personal. However, the functionaries at the school had no control over it and resisted change.
Schools are progressive in ways but still stuck in the distant past in other. So many people are true joint legal true physical these days. You might want to speak to someone like a Dean to encourage them to modernize, but it will likely take several years at the rate these unintentionally hidebound things change at such institutions. Maybe your efforts will help the next person in your situation say 5 years from now.