<p>longtermplan- If the kid is going to get average grades at the boarding school and lose confidence, he probably doesn’t need to be at an Ivy. There are plenty of wonderful colleges and one really nice thing about a good boarding school is that the college counselors are really good at working towards the right fit for each kid. They are also good at the difficult job of convincing parents like you that the child is not a failure if they don’t aspire to Princeton or Yale.</p>
<p>I’m dealing with similar insecurities just having launched my student to 9th grade at an elite boarding school. What I have already learned in my first week is that I really want him to enjoy the experience more than I care about where he is on the trajectory to Harvard.</p>
<p>That being said, I know four years from now, he will be applying to stretch schools, good fit liberal art schools, and probably not a safety school, as if he got in to a state or small minor rep school, he likely would take a year off and try to improve his chances somehow.</p>
<p>So Harvard might still be in the mix despite how he performs in 9th as well as upper grades. I think you can’t get too far ahead of yourself.</p>
<p>I completely think you CAN get too far ahead of yourself. There is no way to tell if a 9th grader would be a good fit for Harvard or any other highly-selective school. I hope your son will have a great experience at boarding school and explore many areas of learning both in and outside the classroom. Just let him grow and the (hopefully) fine teachers, coaches and other mentors at the school will guide his development. He may decide Arizona State is his dream school!</p>
<p>I think MomofWildChild is absolutely right…too many parents can’t see the forest for the trees. The point of boarding schools – even though they’re considered “college prep” – is to deliver an experience that is, in many ways, apples compared to the oranges that are public and private day schools. Boarding schools offer an overall, living experience that your child will encounter. Boarding schools should not be regarded as “high school and, oh yeah, the kid sleeps in a dorm instead of at home.” The high school part is just one segment of the full experience…which is true for living at home, too.</p>
<p>And boarding school is not for everyone – and I don’t mean that in a judgmental, value-based sense. Kids who don’t go to boarding school and wouldn’t be cut out for it aren’t deficient, just as those who do thrive there aren’t superior. It’s just a very different way of going through the high school years. Some students profit from being away from home; others – including some who succeed academically – may regard it as a miserable, stressful, awful time. In other words, your own child probably has more to tell you about what the best choice would be than any of us do.</p>
<p>This thread contains tons of gross generalizations that have it teetering on the edge of uselessness…but if there’s one point to take away from this, it’s what soozievt is telling you: the choice of a school should NOT be about grooming a kid for a certain desired outcome. The goal, regardless of what tack you take for the high school years, should be to have your child in an environment where she will thrive and be his or her best possible self on graduation day, as equipped for whatever challenges lie ahead as s/he can be expected to be. Whether those challenges are waiting in an Ivy League school, a great LAC or during a year off to meditate with the Grand Sultan of Bhutan…that’s something that you really can’t – and shouldn’t try to – engineer.</p>
<p>If, through high school, you’ve been an advocate for your child (and not so much your own dreams for your child) and you’ve given your child the tools and resources to set out into the world as well-equipped as possible, that may possibly take your child to the school that you dream of…but you will do best by your child if, as s/he receives that high school diploma on graduation day, s/he is the most awesome possible version of his or herself. The details and specifics and exactly what s/he is awesome at…those are things that are best admired as things not of your handiwork and design, but of his or hers.</p>
<p>Give your child keys; let him/her choose which doors to open. It is sooooo much more fun and rewarding that way.</p>
<p>It is my opinion that it doesn’t matter what school a young person, and especially a boy, is at for 9th grade. It is not until 10th grade that one can really get a sense of where their child will fall on the bell curve. All sorts of stuff happends 14-16…that determine the outcome. The trajectory is not evident at that point. As I said earlier send them to school for whatever reason, but as a prediction for what college, not so much.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your thoughts. It can be concluded that boarding school is for experience not for safe way for top colleges. There are many “potential Nobel Prize winners” at the top boarding schools especially international students who are extremely strong at academics. Those are the ones who will shine. And of course many students with art and sports hook. If he/she is just smart at his local school without a hook then public school might give better chance for college. I’ve seen students who lost daily life habit + study skills + time management at a boarding school. Because if he/she is not ready for that, there’s no one who can actually supervise closely. Many successful students at a boarding school are already independent workers. School cannot train each student. Of course students will learn as time goes by but meanwhile many of them will be behind.</p>
<p>longtermplan- “chance for college” or chance for the college YOU think would be acceptable for your son? Please, for your son’s sake, don’t start this stuff in the 9th grade.</p>
<p>longtermplan…it doesn’t matter where your child goes to high school in terms of which one will give him a better shot at college. </p>
<p>I also don’t get your distinction that if kids have no sports or arts hook, public school might be better? Huh? My kids excelled at sports and performing arts and went to a no name public high school and got into top colleges. One of my kids went onto one of the top performing arts colleges in the country coming from our little 'ole high school. Not getting your point.</p>
<p>Colleges want kids who excel and succeed no matter where they are planted! You could say my theater kid wouldn’t stand a chance at highly competitive BFA program admissions, since our high school did not even have any drama classes and she was up against kids who attended performing arts high schools. She not only had many choices of top college programs in her field but with top scholarships. </p>
<p>You don’t need to pick a high school based on getting into college. You don’t even have to pick a high school at all. If you do have the fortune of picking, find the one where your kid will be happy and thrive. The end.</p>
<p>And just to add… I don’t understand your comments about sports/arts either. You have to look at the opportunities a school and setting offers. (There are cases where a kid cannot get the training he wants from his home high school but can get it from his home community.) Fwiw, my kid attended a boarding school that had a GREAT study skills program. You really have to make a decision based on the individual school, the individual student and the family. The goal is to find a place where the specific child will do well.</p>
<p>These are tough decisions and I see many parents trying to take in all the advice and weigh options given the uniqueness of their own child, just like me.</p>
<p>For me at the present moment, I am trying to sort out “advertisement/marketing” from reality. We kept hearing about all the opportunities that would be afforded my son at this elite BS. </p>
<p>Right now, we learned that his coach is ambivalent about putting any freshman on the JV sports team that he excels in and the Honors Physics class he requested did not come thru. Meanwhile I can bet if he stayed local, he would be on the team playing his sport and getting challenged in Physics.</p>
<p>Not sure about the so called opportunities right now. Maybe they materialize more in upper years.?? My advice at least today, is don’t get caught up in the magic of what could be, and marketing frenzy.</p>
<p>Both of my kids had incredible experiences at two completely different boarding schools. We had one bad experience, too. The reasons we chose boarding school were unique to our family and our kids.</p>
<p>It can be hard for parents to let loose of some control and trust the decisions the school and staff make.</p>
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<p>I think this is all quite a valid issue. I know my kids went to a high school (public) that many on CC would never send their kids to. And clearly some of these elite prep schools offer so much more for kids like mine (high achievers, advanced learners, excel at EC types) than our no name high school where only 2/3’s go to college. However in many respects, I think our kids benefitted from going to our high school. </p>
<p>For one thing, they took the most challenging curriculum offered and then some. They accelerated, did independent studies and had many accommodations. They took every course they wanted to and created opportunities where none existed in certain cases. For sports, freshmen certainly were on the JV team (my kid was a three sport athlete in HS). For theater productions, there were no cuts (and the casts were not too large either). In fact, since our middle school is connected to the high school and even though the middle school had their own shows, the MS kids could audition for the HS productions and my 7th/8th grader was actually leads in the HS shows (not likely in many other schools) and this was my D’s college major and now profession. Even in middle school, my kids took courses in the HS. </p>
<p>Also, when my kids attended, only two courses were designated AP (Calculus and Physics) and otherwise the challenging courses were Honors. Having learned from others what AP courses are like and all the teaching to the exam, I am so grateful for my kids’ Honors courses which were challenging and involved a great deal of writing. My kids in some respects, were more prepared at their selective colleges for the writing, than some peers who had gone to elite high schools and taken AP classes. Both my kids had college professors who used my kids’ writing as exemplary samples in front of the class in college. Both kids won top awards at their colleges as well. </p>
<p>Also, my kids got to go to HS with a diverse bunch (though not racially diverse) and had an appreciation for the spectrum of backgrounds in our community (wide range). Also, since the HS was not that big (600 students), there were opportunities and ways to stand out and also not be cut from classes and ECs. All was available to them. Their HS was no great shakes and I’d be the first to admit it, but they honestly got a good education, had numerous opportunities both in and out of the classroom, had close relationships with staff, and were well prepared for very selective colleges and fared well when they got to college. </p>
<p>While I do think most private high schools are far better than our rural public high school, in the end, I think my kids had some advantages going to our public school, and in any case, got a good education and fared well in the college admissions process (which growing up at home, which we do care about) and succeeded well once in college.</p>
<p>It may or may not be a valid issue. The school might have valid reasons for not putting this freshman in honors physics or on the JV team that the parent might not understand. It might be that the kid develops a new passion as a result of NOT being in honors physics! This is a FRESHMAN. Let it play out.</p>
<p>I think this is way too broad a generalization to place on public/private/boarding.</p>
<p>In our public the students are rarely if ever put on JV teams as freshman, and you can only take AP Chem after pre-AP Chem. You can not take AP Physics until you have either had Physics or AP Chem. Any way you slice it, you can get to AP Chem until you are a Sr.</p>
<p>At the public in on the other side of the same county, the students are readily put on JV teams as freshman if they are ready. Different coach, smaller school. Students can take AP Chem with no pre-req’s.</p>
<p>It is frustrating when you feel your student should be getting a different education at their boarding school, however the things you are describing are not unique. I’m sure you would find a different situation at other boarding schools, just as we see different situations at neighboring publics.</p>
<p>MOWC…you have a point that there may be reasons the school has for not putting the kid on the sports team or taking Honors Physics. </p>
<p>My point was more that I have heard from either kids who went to very large high schools or kids who went to elite privates, that sometimes it is hard to be chosen for an EC endeavor or to stand out in academics and so on and I was just saying that there are some benefits to a smaller school and/or public where a student can participate in their EC passions and take the most challenging courses available and so on.</p>
<p>I cross posted with blueiguana and do agree that it is hard to generalize and basically all schools are different. I was just saying that in some respects, my kids had some advantages of what they got to do at our rural public (smaller) high school, than at schools deemed much better high schools (whether public, private, or boarding).</p>
<p>I agree. There are many things you miss by going to boarding school (and that the parents miss). My daughter was sad that she didn’t have the experience of big high school football games and a real marching band.</p>
<p>^^^Well, my kids stayed home but even so, they did not experience high school football games or a marching band as our kids’ school had neither!</p>
<p>MOWC, actually speaking of an example, your D went to a top performing arts boarding school that I am SURE my younger D would have LOVED. Our rural public could not begin to compare to where your D went, considering my D’s life is in the performing arts. Your D’s high school was sooooooo much better hands down. Still, my point to the OP is that even though my kid went to a no name rural public school that didn’t even have a drama program, and was up against kids from your D’s top private boarding school when it came to elite performing arts college admissions, she still did fine.</p>
<p>Your daughter sure did do fine! My daughter’s problem was that her Dallas private school was not a good fit for her (some of this was her dramatic perception, some was real) and Interlochen was suggested to us as an option. I NEVER expected to send a child to boarding school. (little did I know what awaited me with the next kid…) Interlochen is not a typical boarding school, but a magical place set down in the woods! I was extremely pleased with the academics, though.</p>
<p>I wholly agree that when you have the option to choose the high school, you should do so to maximize the high school experience. I do not have experience with students at boarding school, however I think this would be even more important as you are ‘choosing’ an entire life experience, not simply and academic one.</p>
<p>I also agree that unless your student has shown an extreme talent or interest in a certain area, assuming what type of school they will be applying to, let alone admitted to when they are 14 is impossible. Things can happen that you have no way to foresee. My oldest two were both examples of this.</p>
<p>A solid school with a good record of sending students to top schools is a great educational asset for any student. Any deviation from this does not mean students will always be overlooked in admissions. As soozievt has pointed out, it can often be an asset for those students who are driven and seek out areas to excel. They do stand out. This can be much, much harder to do in a pack of 3,000.</p>