<p>Hello parents, there is a great thread on CC Parents that was started in 2009 and is still going strong, now 127 pages long and counting. It is titled "Colleges you/child crossed off the list after visiting."</p>
<p>Since that thread has prompted bucket loads of thoughts & info, I thought I'd start one here, Boarding School Edition. A lot of you probably have recent visits fresh in your mind, and we cannot possibly visit all the schools to make an initial cut (son will apply next fall).</p>
<p>As the OP on the college thread stated, I was wondering if you care to talk about your experiences and if after visiting with your child there was a change of heart.</p>
<p>Similarly, if you absolutely loved the place also it would be good to know. </p>
<p>I crossed Milton Academy off my list after my visit. It was the only school I felt uncomfortable walking around in a shirt and tie in. The kids didn’t seem to be very aware of their surroundings. Some day students drove by screaming at the top of their lungs. I didn’t like the 50% day 50% boarding divide. And, it appeared that kids went into Boston unsupervised way to often, especially after a recent scandal. And the kids there didn’t seem as nice as they were at other schools I visited. Milton was a definite no for me.</p>
<p>Does before a visit count? We’re from far away so had to choose which schools to visit carefully, and Andover got crossed off the list because we filled out a loooonnnnggg athletic inquiry form, and never got so much as a viewbook from Andover. Yet we knew they got the inquiry form because a month later they sent an email telling my son to send in…an inquiry form! Felt impersonal and that we were just lost in the crowd before we stepped foot on the grounds. In retrospect, perhaps should not have judged so quickly, but time and money was tight and the list needed to be whittled.</p>
<p>I usually jump to Exeter’s defense crar, but if it had been up to my husband, Exeter would have been, maybe not crossed off the list but put last, for exactly the reasons you mention. My son, however, the opposite reaction–loved the busy-ness, his tour guide, the AO, the town/school mix, and it was first on his list from then on. I’m still scratching my head over how they could have come away with such different views of the same place–but that’s Exeter for you!</p>
<p>Oh darn, did not want to post to this list until after results are in, but . . . I have to respond to the above comments about Milton and Exeter:</p>
<p>Milton - My son LOVED it!!! Had an amazing tour guide, found everyone to be warm and friendly, and wasn’t the least concerned about the high percentage of day students. Just loved the “feel” of the campus.</p>
<p>Exeter - I loved it! The students I met were friendly and the teachers were absolutely fantastic - warm, caring, & committed. It was actually the teachers who impressed me the most - if I were a teenager, I’d want to be in their classes! My sense of the place was that it was small and friendly. I know - doesn’t sound much like the Exeter everyone else describes, but that’s what I felt when we visited. (Whether or not it’s a good fit for my son is another matter - that’s for him to decide.)</p>
<p>This is such a personal thing and depends so much on you, the visitor, and what you value. We found that so much depended on the time of year (are they overwhelmed?) and who we met (tour guide matters so much!!) – and these things can change from day to day. We did a lot of background research – what’s the history, who are famous alums, what is the evidence of institutional values (community service, outreach, arts, athletics, etc.) and what courses are taught. Ultimately, if you do the research and take the time to get to know the place you will have a better sense than anyone here can give you.</p>
<p>My son crossed Deerfield off his list, which I wanted him to look at but he had spent time on that campus for athletic contests and he felt the students seemed too similar - that there wasn’t much that seemed unique or warm and friendly. He was also put off by the jacket and tie dresscode, which he’d had enough of at his junior prep school. Loomis was on the list, but ultimately he chose Northfield Mount Hermon because it offered a balance of athletics, academic rigor, and access to the arts. He’s thriving there, stepping up to the academic challenges in honors classes (solid A’s), joined the crew team and spending time with friends from all over the world with such varied interests and backgrounds. I couldn’t be happier. I’m helping some friends with choosing schools for their daughter and found this thread… You have to visit Northfield Mount Hermon if you’re looking for a school that nurtures the mind as well as the heart.</p>
<p>Great answers so far! I do agree that what may strike one person as ‘wrong’ may be just the thing that is ‘right’ for someone else. But knowing that someone had an issue with, say, the townies, the percentage of boarders, or the overall vibe on during exams, well, that is great information to know going into it. Sometimes it does come down to a gut feel. I’ve been struck, though, how that gut feel can be the same for a lot of people looking at the same school.</p>
<p>I believe that this is such a personal feel. </p>
<p>My d LOVED the fact that Deerfield had a formal dress code.–lol</p>
<p>We crossed off the Berkshire School after visiting because my d felt she needed a more rigorous academic program. The school was beautiful and nurturing but my d wanted more, and I understood that.</p>
<p>Kiss-by talking to the students, faculty and AO. The amount of homework and the type of work the students were given. Look at the courses they offer and the background of the teachers. Ask many, many questions. </p>
<p>Our guide had never heard of the Harkness table. The book the student was reading were books my d had read a few years before.</p>
<p>We were looking for a place that would challenge my d. This type of rigor is different for each person. My d was brought up to understand that an A means almost nothing if you didnt earn it. If something is too easy, what do you gain from the experience? </p>
<p>Some students and parents are looking for perfect grades and Ivy entrance, we were looking for neither. My d was homeschooled for 3 years, thus no grades. For us it is truly about the experience.</p>
<p>My advice is that revisit day is a good way to determine the ultimate choice. The interview tour time is good (I attended with my daughter) and you get glimpses and impressions. But my husband went to two revisit days and I was “banished” because he wanted an unbiased look at the schools. He got to spend the day attending a few classes and texted me throughout the day about his impressions. On a full day it became clear about academic rigor and whether the students and my daughter were operating at the same level.</p>
<p>So the reality is - on the first pass - all we have as parents is a gut impression because so little is available for dissection. The best you can do is apply to the schools that “feel” like a match based on available information - then budget for revisits after the acceptance letters are in. It’s too important a decision not to.</p>
<p>My D crossed off Choate, Andover and SPS after visiting. </p>
<p>Choate - we were paired with a day student as our tour which seemed rather thoughtless since we live on the West Coast and were very much interested in a boarder’s perspective. My D’s interviewer also took several personal cell phone calls during her interview, which was a bit off putting. In addition, there seemed to be a great deal of deferred maintenance, which made me wonder about the financial stability of the school.</p>
<p>Andover - too big, too impersonal.</p>
<p>SPS - not sure why she ultimately chose not to apply here. It was the last of 5 schools that we saw in a whirlwind 3 day trip. Maybe she was just too tired to focus on the school? It may have been that she only wanted to apply to 3 schools and since this was #4, she decided to drop it. Personally, I really liked the school, the interviewer and the tour guide!</p>
<p>The real surprise for us was Milton. It was first on my and my d’s list going into the interviews. We were disappointed that some of the arts classes are taught in trailers. We were under the impression that the arts were central at Milton. We also spoke briefly with a couple of teachers but they seemed to be in such a hurry. Unlike teachers at the more isolated boarding schools, it seemed as if they had lives outside of Milton and were eager to get to them The social scene also seemed a bit too intense. </p>
<p>Emma would have come off if it weren’t a better option than d’s local high school. We sat in on a class and were extremely disappointed by the level of discussion. The girls seemed to feel quite comfortable in their class but at least on that day neither they nor the teacher were particularly serious about learning. We also sat in on a class at Westover and were far more impressed by what we saw, a surprise since Westover had been the “practice” interview but ended up way up on d’s list.</p>
<p>Interesting, we could see where Choate was putting our tuition dollars. New lamps, new dorms, everything freshly painted, manicured athletic fields, new buildings being planned.</p>
<p>When we visited Andover the first time, the red brick buildings looked like they were literally crumbling.</p>
<p>My son only applied to 4 HADES schools and stuck with all four even after the interviews. The rank order of desire switched a little and Deerfield went to the bottom just because the dorms looked old and small, no mascot, only a door and it was too rural a setting for him.</p>
<p>I’m confused. Is your son at Choate? That’s the one school that neither my son nor daughter looked at and I don’t even have a good reason why they didn’t. I suppose they already had enough schools to tour and it was never really easy to fit into a travel loop. I always wonder if it would have appealed to my d especially.</p>
<p>I suppose it just goes to show that sometimes there just isn’t really any reason that makes sense. My son didn’t want to look at Deerfield, (though I think he would have really liked it - especially now that I have toured it with my d).</p>
<p>Ultimately, I think which schools families decide against says far more about the characteristics of the family and what they are looking for than it does about the schools.</p>
<p>When we visited, Choate looked beautiful and was pretty well maintained. Having visited Andover a few times, I’ve never seen any building “crumbling”. As a high school, it just looks grand. Deerfield was nice but the first time we visited, we didn’t feel quite connected with the staff. It was a latelish afternoon in January. I guess the staff members were worn out. </p>
<p>In general, I think it is risky to cross off any school after just one visit. I’d say base your deicision on whether to apply a certain school mainly on research. Sometimes, it takes time for a kid to get the vibe of and grow used to and eventual love a school. Other times, families/kids fall in love with a school at first sight, but though they “feel good”, what the school can offer and what they need really don’t match. The kid may end up “suffering” and grows to <em>hate</em> the school.</p>
<p>^^Interesting point. As an exercise, I just went around (virtually) investigating a bunch of the schools we chose NOT to apply to (I’m overwhelmed by information on the ones we ARE pursuing and the possibility ??? of having to help our child make a choice between them). I immediately realized there are a bunch more schools that we could have considered that would also offer our kid a great experience.</p>
<p>I think an “easier” approach is to set your minimum criteria first based on your understanding of your kid’s needs and capabilities. If you find yourself getting too many choices the first round, modify your criteria so you can get a resonable number of schools to look into. It is important to draw some lines somewhere so you are not overwhelmed. It IS a good exercise - just imagine you are helping with college search.</p>
<p>To add something to my comments earlier about the schools. We were shown some dorm rooms in Choate that were way too small to be barely acceptable, but I guess that’s the same in most schools - some dorms are better than others.</p>
<p>“I think which schools families decide against says far more about the characteristics of the family and what they are looking for than it does about the schools.”</p>
<p>So true.</p>
<p>For some reason (probably this thread!), over the weekend, I asked my family why we had crossed off certain schools after visits. Here are our observations about just two of the “HADES” schools that seem to be popular “apply tos” for CC forum members:</p>
<p>Exeter — A tough one because two of my best friends from college are grads. We had very high expectations and were assuming Exeter would make the final cut. But after our tour/interview, we were all sort of “meh” afterwards. I suppose we expected to be wowed by the facilities, but having visited SPS on the same multi-day trip, we didn’t think Exeter’s campus was anything that special. Crazy, right? Also, we felt that the admissions building felt like a cattle call (even during the summer when we visited) and that the interviewer and guide were sort of mailing it in with our family compared to other schools.</p>
<p>Hotchkiss — We were very impressed with the level of student art on display at Hotchkiss, and were intrigued by the whole all classes (except Science) in one building approach, but the campus and people we met failed to charm us.</p>
The social scene also seemed a bit too intense. </p>