<p>Eastcoascrazy: was it uphill both ways in the snow?</p>
<p>I graduated 11 months ago… WOW I had not realized it had already been that long! I was actively looking for employment (any employment) but didn’t yet have job lined up when I graduated, so I moved home to continue the search. I was hired in July and started my job in August, but it didn’t pay enough to move out even looking at the barest of bare bones lifestyles, my student loans are just too big and even without them I don’t think I’d quite make it on this $$$… not the ideal situation but it is what it is. I moved in with my boyfriend in January anyhow so I’m not at home anymore, but otherwise I guess I’d still be a “boomerang” kid for the next few years until I could get my salary to a more reasonable level. A lot of the kids I know are in a similar position, I guess we made poor choices and we’re paying for them.</p>
<p>You sound like you are actively trying to improve your situation so you get a pass, at least from me. I remember working a lot of 12+ hour days (sometimes 48 hours straight) in my first real job. I was paid quite well for a few years but stayed at my mother’s as it was convenient. I think that she liked having someone around the house too. I also ran a consulting business out of her house for a while.</p>
<p>Sometimes we (her kids, grandkids) stay with her short-term. She likes the contact and having people around and worries less about the house being secure.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07–no, not really bad decisions but I think what your generation is missing is that in previous generations very few new grads ever considered getting an apartment alone. You found enough roommates to make the money work out. We all had at LEAST one roommate, often several. DH and his buddies shared a rental house, all 10 of them. Our salaries didn’t support getting our own apartments any more than current salaries do.</p>
<p>You have found the same thing moving in with your boyfriend but probably didn’t look at that move as a financial necessity as much as a convenience thing for the two of you.</p>
<p>I had three roommate situations - one was with an older guy that worked at BC. Another was with two others. And the last was living with four other guys and a couple of cats. I didn’t get my own place until 25 or 26.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07 - congrats on the job and the shared place with bf! You and your peers have more loans (as a percentage of salary) than any other age group. I think, at least on CC and from some news stories I hear, people are starting to understand just what a burden all this student debt is. Since you are working and have a plan to move out, I don’t think of you as a boomerang at all.</p>
<p>It was uphill, both ways, and I had to beat off a grizzly bear with my loose leaf notebook.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be so quick to judge. The only 2 boomerang situations I know of close-hand would appear differently to a neighbor without full knowledge. Both occurred after several years post-college of trying to make it independently – roommates, ramen noodles and all.</p>
<p>One male had a complete breakdown of mental health; was driving a taxi in NYC, got robbed at gunpoint, divorced, yada yada. The female suffered a broken engagement and job that dried up in this recent recession. </p>
<p>Both could have continued to stay in distant locations and keep eating ramen noodles. Instead, their parents urged them back home for deep healing to recharge. The female worked steadily, but underemployed given her college degree. The male did not work but was in and out of mental hospitals, but by the end of the year pulled together a grad school application that rescued his working life. </p>
<p>Sometimes it takes a year to regroup. Sometimes regrouping precludes full employment. If you are only a neighbor, you really might not know everything that’s going on behind closed doors. The easiest thing in the world is to be fully employed and declare others “lazy.”</p>
<p>A boomerang with a college degree comes flying back after something has gone wrong. Have some compassion, and hope for improvement.</p>
<p>I thought of this as more of a middle class issue, so it was interesting to read the posts about how these are spoiled upperclass kids. My son worked during school (which he is finishing up) and works now. He has no student loans. We can’t afford to subsidize his rent, he can’t afford it on his modest salary and still pay tuition. When I say “can’t afford” let me be clear that for us and for him, that would be a food-or-shelter kind of choice, not a “two roommates or four roommates” choice. If I were rich and spoiling him, I’d just pay his rent at a place of my choosing and be done with it, wouldn’t I? Simple and easy, and an option only for those with spare money. Which – like so many people – I do not have. I couldn’t give him a car, vacations, cell phones, or an expensive education, so I am good with giving him what I do have – a cheap room, share of a car, and an occasional meal while he accumulates enough money and life experience to move on and out.</p>
<p>My daughter is a soon-to-be boomerang. She did all the right things: 3.8 at a top LAC (4.0 in major), name on a publication, research assistant three years, NSF summer fellowship 2 summers, active on campus, probably graduating with some honors in May. She has been rejected from the PhD clinical psych programs she applied to (these programs only accept 3% of applicants and most had 400+ applicants). With competition and finances the way they are, coming home makes the most sense. Being at home makes the most sense. Her mistake was not having a back-up plan such as applying to lower ranked PhD programs, etc. There is nothing for her to gain by living in an apartment eating ramen noodles and working retail. If she is lucky enough to find a low paying lab job in this interim, she will still live at home so she can focus on applying next year to more realistic choices or, perhaps, finish the pre-med requirements and apply to med school.</p>
<p>Dh and I have agreed they can come back until they are 25 but after that they better have a good reason. We can afford keeping them at home so that is a non issue. The problem we would have is if they were doing nothing. That would never fly. We have many years before any of them hit 25.</p>
<p>My apologies: I certainly did not mean to be universally critical. My unflattering observations were specific to my slice of community. These kids are how I described above and I am certain there is not a mental health or other crisis in these specific situations. My post did not come off as balanced as I had hoped. I do sympathize with those that have a lot of debt or did not have success with grad school or a realistic job search. Certainly there are a vast array of situations and young adults. Best wishes to students and families in this situation.</p>
<p>"Here’s my rant - these kids are spoiled and have such high standards that they are happier living at home than comprising on a living situation. I would NEVER have moved back home (and my family lived in NYC and I moved into an apartment in NYC). I lived in some real Hell holes, shared apartments, put 3 to a bedroom, whatever it took to be on my own. Please don’t tell me it’s too expensive for kids to do that today, it’s not. There was a time when I was freelancing and had to use up all my savings (including Savings Bonds [remember them?] I got from my grandparents when I was little), I earned so little when I started out I would go to Happy Hours at the bars that had free food along with your drink (Fiddler’s Green anyone?) and that was dinner. Ramen noodles was my home cooked meal. I did what I had to do as long as it was legal - well except for the illegal sublet that was my last apartment before moving in with my then boyfriend, now husband.</p>
<p>Our kids like us too much. Except for a transition period my kids know they’re not welcome back."</p>
<p>I completely agree. I am in my mid-20’s, and when I was done with college, that’s exactly how I felt. I was more than happy to live in my 150 sq ft studio, as long as I was on my own. I would have moved out on my own even if I didn’t have a job to go to (although, thankfully, I did).</p>
<p>This is so cultural, isn’t it? From my vantage point, the issue is not where one lives, but whether one is independent. These are two entirely different things. I think Americans (of several generations) feel their kids can’t grow up if they live with them. Everyone else in the world doesn’t see it that way. </p>
<p>I believe one can live with their folks, contribute to the household, lead their own life; likewise one might be living physically apart but is emotionally and financially propped up by their parents and still in the role of ‘dependent child’. </p>
<p>If living at home is preventing a kid from seeking work, being treated like an adult, being financially independent, then that is perhaps an issue; but one can be perfectly healthy and moving forward AND living with their parents. I see it all around me- multiple generations living together; while they have mutual interdependence, it seems healthy and working well for everyone. </p>
<p>I want a family that takes care of one another and likes being around one another. I guess what I’m saying is I want my kids to actually WANT to live with me when I get old or to at least know I could if I had to; just like my brother likes having our mom live with him. So I hope I send the message that our kids too can live with us if they want. It won’t mean sleeping in and hanging out like they are 15 year olds on summer vacation, but we can certainly share a house.</p>
<p>^^ that is exactly my feelings are.</p>
<p>Being around doing nothing is a problem, but if they are independant, want to save money by living with their parents, perfctly fine with me.</p>
<p>Being around, doing nothing, is very ecologically sound, and helps save the planet. 
(Maybe if they were praying, and celibate, some of us might approve of it more?)</p>
<p>I like eastcoascrazy’s posts 20 and 27 on this thread. (In fact, I usually like ecc’s posts.) I’m not really one with the “when I was their age it was uphill both ways” school of thought. When I graduated from college, housing and the other costs of being fully independent represented a smaller percentage of my income than they do to a newly-fledged young person today.</p>
<p>Our guy graduated last June with a degree in computer science. He came home and it was great to have him. He slept a lot, hiked with hubby, painted the living room and saw friends. All of this was fine through the summer and into the fall. Around Thanksgiving it started to get a bit tight under the collar for all of us. </p>
<p>We agreed he would have a scheduled few hours each day to work on job hunting. He picked 1 to 4 p.m. That doesn’t sound like a long work day but selling yourself is draining work. </p>
<p>Once he got into a routine, things unfolded rather well. Resume and website went together by Christmas. Interviews in January, employment in February. </p>
<p>I am bone deep grateful for the time he had at home with us. It did help that he had a degree in a field where we all felt that employment was highly likely – it would have been much scarier to watch the days zip by with a less desirable career path.</p>
<p>I live in an affluent area, and there are as many situations for the recent college grads as there are, well, recent college grads. One kid with an engineering degree from a top 25 school is gainfully employed 1,000 miles from home. At the other extreme is a kid with a humanities degree from a mediocre school with a 2.3 GPA who graduated 2 years ago and has only been part-time or seasonally employed since then (and is living at home). In between is an English major from our state flagship who lives at home and is working full-time at a job that someone straight out of high school could do.</p>
<p>I haven’t faced it yet with my boys (too young) but they already know that they will always have a roof over their heads and food to eat as long as I’m alive. But they won’t get anything else if they aren’t gainfully employed and can pay for it themselves. I couldn’t wait to move out of my parents’ house after I graduated and I hope my guys feel the same way!</p>
<p>I have 2 boomerang kids returning in June and we are really nervous about what will happen. One will be working 2 jobs and getting his teaching credential in our state. Frustrated he did not plan as well as he could to streamline his credential program, but am at least happy he has a plan. 2nd is a Ivy league honors student that is nor sure what he wants to do. I have zero tolerance for this. 4 expensive years is enough time to figure things out. He is not going to adjust well to our rules that if he lives in our house he will keep business hours. Hopefully this will push him out into the career workforce. What to do if he rebels? I have no idea, but I do think that we are doing our kids a disservice if we enable them to not move onto the next phase of their life.</p>