@UrbanMum , you might want to consider Bard, Grinnell, Macalaster, and Earlham as well. I doubt Colgate will be a fit.
@gardenstategal Thanks for the suggestions! The only one you mentioned that we’ve looked into is Grinnell which seems super crunchy, granola and I’m not sure it would be a great fit for our preppy D. I’ll definitely look into the others you mentioned. It really is tricky to find the right fit. Can you clarify about Colgate (it’s a recent addition and we haven’t thoroughly investigated).
@UrbanMum we didn’t find Grinnell crunchy at all. Our tour guide was quite preppy and from a prep school in the D.C. area. If anything, kids were casual but we did not get the quirky, crunchy vibe. We stayed for two whole days. Our s19 went to three classes and we ate three meals in the dining hall. He’s a XC athlete and about as mainstream as they come and he felt like he could easily find his people there.
@UrbanMum , Colgate is a pretty hard-partying school. Wake has a very robust Greek scene. I think places like Haverford are quieter but not as edgy as Grinnell and I suspect that will be a match with her wants. She might like Bates, Kenyon, Dickinson, Carleton and Connecticut College. All a little more middle of the road than the
ones I suggested above. Misread your comment as wanting something a little crunchy. I would look at those in any case, at least on a preliminary basis.
@homerdog , thanks for the update on Grinnell. The kids I know who have gone there are not crunchy but I have heard it described that way. Maybe a social scene that allows kids to choose weed over alcohol? It’s an awesome school and very well resourced!
@gardenstategal I think that perception is real- more pot than alcohol. But the kids seemed pretty mainstream (and super bright) to us! We know two kids there personally and they’ve said not partaking in pot/alcohol is perfectly acceptable. 
Sticking up for the daughter: remember that neither you nor your wife are going to live at the college for the next 4 years, and you probably know by now that trying to make your kid be (or not be) X type of person rarely works.
Also, the “it’s our money so we get to say” dictum is probably not a good long-term strategy. Obviously it is your money, so you do have ultimate control, but finesse > power play is more likely to get you more of what you want in the longer term.
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Nor have I ever thought of Grinnell as crunchy. The kids I knew who went there were as Homerdog describes, with career goals.
In general, when one encounters stereotypes about “some kids,” it pays to stand back and consider the many, many kids whose primary interests are academics and sharing time with friends, clubs, etc…
My two went to the same LAC and while one was work hard/party hard, the other quit drinking in freshman year and spent her weekend evenings in the library, with quieter friends or with her music group.
Some programs or majors will have more competition than others. Some kids will smoke weed and plenty of others will be in the labs or study groups or hanging.
We went to Bowdoin a week ago, and when waiting for information session (10 minutes) we saw four separate coaches come to meet with prospective students. I was kind of surprised to see how busy recruiting was there, since other NESCAC schools seem to have more of a “sporty” reputation. It didn’t impact our view of the school, but definitely made me realize that sports is a big part (and admissions advantage) at all NESCAC schools.
I can vouch for @homerdog’s take on Grinnell. Definitely politically liberal, but there’s a broad spectrum of kids there. It might be a good option to consider for the kid you’re describing. And what everyone else said about trying to force your tastes on your kid. Better to go subtle. Observe the differences (if you must) with as much neutrality as you can and let it all percolate. You don’t really have to worry about any of this until she’s actually admitted.
@hviewer , very astute of you. And yes, Bowdoin is pretty “sporty”. At most of the NESCACS, just based on size, a significant % of the students will also be varsity athletes. And while they will be academically qualified, it is a very significant admissions advantage. It is sort of daunting for all the regular folks!
Bowdoin has a high percentage of students in one or more competitive sports but not a strong athletic culture. For example, it has a higher percentage of athletes than Midd but Midd has a very defined “Bro vs NARP” culture that isn’t strong at Bowdoin.
@AbsDad I agree that Vassar or Bates might be reasonable compromises between the SJW vibe of Smith and the sporty/preppy environment of Bowdoin. Carleton or Macalester might also be worth a look in addition to Grinnell if you’re willing to look farther afield geographically.
Media hype aside, my daughter’s experience at Oberlin has been fairly well balanced. A SJW would certainly find his or her tribe there without having to look very hard, but there is room for many forms of expression. Great academics.
All that said, if she’s OK with U Mass Amherst, I agree with @lookingforward Save some money and she would have exposure to Smith and the other consortium members.
I beg to differ about Bro vs NARP at Midd. My DS the recruited athlete and and other DS the politico had just as many social experiences, and just as many friends from all groups. Bro culture centers around Lax Bros, not all athletes.
Macalester and Carleton, I agree, would be worth a look. Kenyan too. Haverford is also a good call but I would think Swarthmore should also stay on the list. I know lots of kids who have been very happy there and enjoyed their experience
@Mintwood … well, my daughter ruled out Swarthmore. We took a drive by Haverford that same day and I asked if she had interest, and she said she did not.
I now think that she will attend Pitt or Chatham… she loves Pittsburgh, and it is an easy 6 hour trip.
Agree with @OldbatesieDoc on Midd. They are actively trying to minimize the Bro v NARP culture. This stood out to my DS when being recruited there.
@OldbatesieDoc When my son did two days and an overnight during accepted students day at Midd two years ago – it was his front-runner going into that event – he was assaulted by the Bro vs. NARP defined culture everywhere he turned. He was housed with members of the baseball team who self defined themselves as Bros and talked about the culture. He sat in with a jazz band rehearsal and they self defined as NARP and talked about the culture. He sat in on a class (I don’t remember the topic) and realized almost all the students in it were Bros and had self selected into the class. He disliked the experience so much it dropped off the top of his list. Not wanting him to make such a big reversal just based on that experience, I set him up with phone calls with two current students who were kids of people I know. Separate calls and they didn’t know each other and were not in the same grade. Both admitted to my son during the calls that the Bro vs. NARP culture is real. They both liked the school so they weren’t being negative. But they acknowledged it was “a thing here.” I can’t speak to what progress Midd has made in the last 2 years. They certainly were impressive in the parent seminars during those two days and I really liked the school. But those are all the facts my son encountered.
Have you considered McGill in Montreal? That’s my alma mater and I looked at almost all of the options you’ve outlined - McGill was an excellent fit. Easy flight or train ride (or drive for that matter!) to tri-state area - we did it all the time (one roommate was from Cambridge and the other from Brooklyn and a b/f lived in Maine). Justin Trudeau and I were in the same program with tons of shared classes.
@citivas but your son didn’t attend, and my sons did…