Boyfriend + going to college?

<p>Hey everyone! I know that people love to stress living in dorms so that one may get the whole "real college experience" or some crap like that, but dude...I'm in a long term relationship! Sure I'll party, but not all the time, and definitely not the sex. I've had a boyfriend for 4 years and we are long distance, so when we go to college I really want to be able to live with him. I was wondering how to go about this in the most feasible way possible. Would most universities accommodate couples? (Hey, I'm willing to go down to city hall and get a marriage license, we're practically grandparents anyway. No babies please!) I don't think that he can get accepted into the same schools that I can, although he is brilliant (his grades suck) but I am going to try this...but he's only done one year at a community college, so I'm assuming he'd have to do another. Most of my colleges require living on campus so it would be hard to get an apartment, and really expensive!</p>

<p>Advice?</p>

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<a href="Hey,%20I'm%20willing%20to%20go%20down%20to%20city%20hall%20and%20get%20a%20marriage%20license,%20we're%20practically%20grandparents%20anyway.%20No%20babies%20please!">B</a>

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My critical reading skill escapes me.

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**Most of my colleges require living on campus

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Good planning? What the heck does this mean?</p>

<p>I'm sure you've heard from a zillion adults that people change drastically from high school to post-graduating college. And that relationships that were wonderful in high school can really hold you back from experiencing all that college and the world have to offer. And that moving in with someone at age 18 means that you miss out on so many things.</p>

<p>But yeah good luck with that.</p>

<p>You have been in a long distance with an older guy since you were a freshman in highschool, and he's in a community college. Sounds like a winner here. Out of curiosity how often do you actually see him?</p>

<p>He's only one year older than me - I'm 17, he's 18. Completely normal, wouldn't you say so? I see him every couple of months.</p>

<p>Normal, absolutely. But my advice (for whatever it's worth!) is to try the "traditional" college dorm thing for at least your freshman year. If your relationship is solid, it will be there waiting for you on the other end of that year.</p>

<p>Live with it. It's only one year and if both of you can live with that, you'll still be together at the end of the year. Somehow one of my friends managed to keep her relationship of 4 1/2 years solid while her boyfriend lives in another state and she's a senior in college now. (her boyfriend only got an associate's)</p>

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He's only one year older than me - I'm 17, he's 18. Completely normal, wouldn't you say so? I see him every couple of months.

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The ages are, but any normalcy ends about there. I could ask you how you met and go even further down the rabbit hole but you're not going to change anything you do because anyone told you to on an internet message board so I'll go ahead and give you the advice you want. </p>

<p>I'm sure you all will be alright! Just go ahead and get married at 17, he's the one, right? Then you can move it together and I'm sure he'll be able to support you instead of this all leading to you having to drop out because you a) get pregnant or b) go broke, because that isn't how this scenario plays out every other time. Or don't get married, just keep dating through at least your first year and don't worry, neither of you will change from who you were when you were in the middle of puberty and everything will be ok.</p>

<p>being away from him will really test your love</p>

<p>Yikes, absolutely give it a year to try college on your own. You already know how to maintain a long-distance relationship, stick it out for a year and then live together if you still think that's what you want.</p>

<p>I know no relationship is the same, but the stablest of high school to college relationships that I know of are the ones where the couple gave each other the opportunity to experience college on their own. The couple I know who dated for 3 years in high school, went to college together planning to "get married"... are now apart. </p>

<p>Also, how exactly do you want universities to be accommodating? They don't exactly see "I want to live with my boyfriend" as a serious issue that they should have to deal with. Most schools do not allow co-ed rooms and many freshman are required to live on campus. If you can live off campus, then fine, but realize how much you're sacrificing.</p>

<p>Just because you think you want to marry this guy doesn't mean you will. I know, I know, you guys are TOTALLY different right? Your relationship is special! If the relationship is meant to last, it will last through 8 more months of not living together.</p>

<p>I say if you know it's right, go for it. One of my close friends was in a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend throughout high school, and he was in another country (his family moved to Germany). He moved in with her in college while also attending a community college. It has been four years (she is a senior). She has absolutely no regrets, and they plan on getting married.</p>

<p>As I said, go for it!</p>

<p>I might also mention that my friend went to a top 5 school, so the academics were by no means easy, and she did not drop out or do poorly.</p>

<p>when my daughter left her high school sweetheart behind, she thought they could maintain the long distant relationship. She swore that they would not be the ones who split up, though in her freshman orientation, they played a game with the group which simply stated that none of them would have their girlfriend/ boyfriend they left behind and would most likely be dating someone in the auditorium with them.
Turns out, they were right. I knew it would happen because the likelihood of ending up with your first love are slim to none..it is a big world with lots of opportunities and people to meet.</p>

<p>BTW, we loved her high school boyfriend and miss him, but we are happy that THIS year, she is living life to the fullest and making the most of her college life.
She regretted leaving here with baggage.</p>

<p>I don't think it's fair that people are judging your relationship and jumping to conclusions about the quality of your boyfriend. I don't think that's relevant to your question. You asked whether it's better to live on/near campus with your boyfriend or to live in the typical dorm setting, on your own with new people.</p>

<p>My advice: You're just 17 so you're still growing up. An important part of becoming an adult is learning about yourself, growing as an individual, and experiencing independence. This comes from living on your own, away from loved ones, and having time and space to grow and develop your unique character and personality. I think this process would be hindered if you chose not to live in the dorm, and instead chose to live with a boyfriend (or even if you chose to live at home/with your family. The fact that it's your boyfriend is irrelevant.)</p>

<p>In addition to everything that's been said, you should know that cohabiting (living with) your boyfriend would almost certainly spell divorce later on if you did decide to get married. Is it really worth the risk of all that pain later?</p>

<p>When you actually spend time with him everyday, your opinion might change. I think you should go to college and he can get an apartment and you can get a dorm. You could stay with him some and stay in your dorm the rest of the time & get the best of both worlds. Just please don't rush off and get married.</p>

<p>Are your parents ok with this deal?</p>

<p>Nevermind. Thanks to all of you that tried to help. Unfortunately I can't capture our relationship into one post, but there are a lot of people who don't give a damn or can't relate, so it doesn't really matter. I wasn't serious about the marriage license. Although I would love to live with him, I'll admit that I've been wanting to live in a dorm at the same time but there are huge financial issues arising. Again, it's all stuff that I don't want to publicly talk about, so I'll just deal with it on my own.</p>

<p>Thanks to those who tried though. : P</p>

<p>I love chuy's advice, lol.</p>

<p>One of my friends had a situation like this...
her boyfriend is several years older and doesn't go to school. she ended up staying at a local college for a year to live with him, but ended up deciding it wasn't right for her and she transfered to the school she really wanted to go to, which required living on campus. this is hard for both of them, but they're still together and plan to get married in a couple years after she's finished school. I think you really have to decide what's right for you, and if you're right together it'll work out.</p>

<p>don't let his lack of grades keep you from getting into your highest rated university. long distance CAN work and will if you both put in the effort. Not going to the same school maybe even have its own benefits, such as you will be less likely to get on each others nerves</p>