<p>S has a learning disability and is getting services in school. He is now in 9th grade. Most of middle school (grades 6-8) consisted of inconsistent effort and responsibility for his own learning, and his grades reflected it (mostly Cs and Ds). I've seen a little improvement (1st quarter shows Bs and Cs) but he rushes through assignments and does the bare minimum on projects. I have heard from other mothers that their sons "really pulled it together" in 9th/10th grade. Has anyone experienced this with their son? Appreciate any advice.</p>
<p>Most boys I know took until sophomre/junior year to get it together.</p>
<p>…and some of us are still waiting…</p>
<p>Is your son motivated by incentives? My 8th grader sounds like yours, however it’s ADD, not an LD. I described his 7th grade report card as ‘alphabet soup’. </p>
<p>We know he’s bright, as he scored 590 on Math SAT last year through JHU talent search and his other standardized test scores, so we promised him a laptop computer if he can maintain a 3.3 GPA in academic classes with nothing lower than a B- and non-academics must be A- or better for the first 2 marking periods. We think he might have fallen just a bit short on the GPA (3.2) for this quarter, as he stopped taking Concerta and didn’t hand in a few assignments at the end of the quarter, so 2 B+s fell to B-. Since it was a great improvement, we will probably revise the contact to extend to the end of the year.</p>
<p>I have to agree with Grad, wish I could say different but my S is in 12th and we are still waiting!</p>
<p>DS ended up with an 88 average for 9th grade and 93/94 average for 10 and 11. I think it began to sink in that he had to take an interest in doing better, but he still struggles.</p>
<p>NJ2011Mom – yes definitely (motivated by incentives). When I saw Cs, I texted him I’m limiting TV/XBox (yes – even Black Ops) until grades improve. I have learned the hard way that he needs to be on a very short leash. We are also telling him he needs a B average to get a driver’s license, which is something he can’t wait to get. </p>
<p>Some teachers said he exhibited ADD-type behavior. In 8th grade, I tried Adderall and Concerta. Initially he said he thought it helped, then this year he said he didn’t want to take it anymore.</p>
<p>I think I’ll end up in the camp of “still waiting” when he graduates! With D a senior, I see now very clearly how tough it is to get into college if you have good grades. I’m already worried about what his options will be. But he’ll get in somewhere. </p>
<p>Thanks all for the feedback.</p>
<p>We used benefits with a gifted/LD student. The thing to remember is these kids are into immediate gratification. Sometimes a semester is too long to wait. If they are already beyond getting the pre-arranged goal, then they wonder ‘why bother?’. I am a strong believer in ‘doing what you say, and saying what you do’. My son is a very literal thinker. Changing the rules, or granting benefits, once would not be a good idea. We therefore did not place long-term conditions on things we might change our minds on later.<br>
Our son had a 130+ IQ, however coupled with a LD and a host of other difficulties, the transition from middle school to high school saw a drop in grades. If we’d held to the idea that he ‘should’ be able to earn all B’s and above…well, he would have missed out on a lot of other lessons.
Short term goals were set like having his agenda properly filled out 4 out of 5days each week, earning some electronics time on the weekend. If he messed up one week he could start fresh the next. Find your students difficulties and focus on those. Is it organization? Homework? Study-time? Long-term assignments? Set goals according to his needs. Adjust often. Follow through.
Don’t get me wrong, if offering a computer at the end of the semester works for your student, that’s excellent. In my experience, if a student gets to the midway mark, and sees they will not attain the goal…well, they have lost the incentive for the rest of the semester. If you change your conditions, your student may be able to adapt…or they may anticipate you will change your conditions on future goals set. You have to know your own child, their personality, and learning style.</p>
<p>NOTE: I crossed posts with several here…slow writer. I did want to add that I TOTALLY agree with holding a driver’s license conditional. Driving requires a great amount of maturity and judgement. If my student makes a poor decision, it’s not just a poor grade, there are other people to consider. My oldest (who I mentioned above) had no desire to drive, nor did we encourage him to drive, until he was 18. I see far, far too many immature boys driving…driving recklessly, getting tickets, causing accidents, losing their licenses, and bragging thinking the entire thing is a joke.</p>
<p>Mother of two boys here: With the first, we experienced the opposite. A sophomore slump. Freshman year he was focused on making the transition to public high school after attending a private K-8 school. Sophomore year, he discovered girls, was looking forward to driving, had friends who were driving. Did the bare minimum to get by. Then he realized that colleges would really look at only three years on his transcript so he got it in gear for junior year. Didn’t make him less of a risk taker outside of school, however.</p>
<p>Second child has always been focused on studying and his academic ability is identity. So we have not seen a slump and he is a senior.</p>
<p>Moral of the story: every child is different!</p>
<p>I’m a laid back parent, I’ve always thought it was important for my kids to find their own way. Their school work and outside interests are up to them. My daughter was always very academic, my son not so much until this year, his sophomore and I was surprised as anyone to see him put some serious time into studying. It was a change from his earlier academic career so now I’m starting to think there is something to boys maturing more slowly.</p>
<p>My son doesn’t have a learning disability or ADD but was a lackadaisical student all through middle school. Nothing changed when he started hs so we pulled him out and put him in private school where he couldn’t get away with not doing any work. We didn’t want to wait for the light bulb to go off in his junior year only for him to realize that what he did in the freshman and soph years would effect what colleges he could go to. It was not wanting him to be in a situation where his options were limited.</p>
<p>My son “pulled it together” in second semester junior year, although still not matching his sister with regard to being a “good student”. He has taken medication of some sort since age five, and with behavior problems overshadowing “inattention”. As a sophomore, his grades where all F’s (missing assignments) and A’s (test scores). He had about a 2.0 UC GPA. </p>
<p>We are “urm”. </p>
<p>I am a Child Psychiatrist, probably because of my fascination with family of origin.</p>
<p>Obtainable incentives really worked for him as a junior.</p>
<p>Wow, shrinkrap, that must have been difficult to watch.</p>
<p>OMG, Shrinkwrap that is my S. Problems with deliverables but great test taker. The worse part is he almost always has the assignment done, just forgets/whatever to turn it in.</p>
<p>" Wow, shrinkrap, that must have been difficult to watch. "</p>
<p>Not as bad as grades K through eight. And I have never stopped admiring his strengths.</p>
<p>BlueIguana - -I really like your idea of short term incentives/tracking, on a week to week basis. I agree – the big far off incentive is probably not the right approach for him. I just have to figure out how to get weekly feedback on how he’s doing. </p>
<p>Emilybee – I totally agree – S would definitely benefit from much smaller class size where he can’t hide in the back and not learn. It would be very difficult for us now to pay the private school tuition with D going to college next year, but money aside, part of me thinks he would not put in any more effort and he might spiral downward if removed from his friends. So in part, another carrot is staying at the school he’s at. If he wants to stay, he has to do his part.</p>
<p>Co2015,
Does your son have an IEP? If so, does he have a case manager, or any LD teachers that assist in a co-taught class? If he does then perhaps you could request that they fill out a very quick form once a week with a quick checklist showing areas, or goals, such as John turned in homework this week, was active in class, paid attention during lectures, was responsive to redirection…whatever you feel is important. Your son should be responsible for getting this back and forth between you and the teacher…don’t take him out of the equation via email. He has a stake in this. If he uses an agenda, a half sheet of paper can be stapled to it on Friday where he can hand it to his teacher at the start of class and pick it up before he leaves.</p>
<p>This is just ONE idea. We had to be really willing to shift gears as our son’s needs changed. We really tried to work on the executive function/organizational skills since that was a real difficulty for him. Self advocating with teachers was another. Talk to your son and ask him what he feels some weekly goals should be, and possible ‘rewards’. Sometimes they surprise you with some really good ones, pointing to difficulties you may not have targeted. We used benefits like renting movies…with redbox that’s now really reasonable to do weekly if your son likes that. Building points towards an itunes card…it may take a few weeks to get the card, but he can’t go backwards. Once he’s earned those points, they are there. The incentive stays. Our son is a ‘foodie’ so choosing a meal for the weekend was a big deal. Randomly awarding poker chips…we play Texas Hold-em as a family and take it very seriously…was quite a hit. He would put them on the mantle until the next game, starting out ahead of his brothers.</p>
<p>These things don’t have to be big, they just have to motivate him. The more personal to him the better.</p>
<p>Class of 2015, I had some of those thoughts but it’s amazing how quickly they make new friends and with FB, texting, etc., it’s not like they are taken away completely. But, that being said, my son rarely sees anyone from his public school anymore. Kids are very adaptable. </p>
<p>We had tried everything with our son. Carrots, sticks and at the end of 8th grade even resorted to something I swore I would never do - paying him for good grades. None of it stuck for more than a few weeks. Home life was pretty miserable, too - lots of nagging and yelling and him promising to do his work, study, blah, blah, blah. There was no way we wanted to spend four more years like that. </p>
<p>Pulled him out (didn’t give him a choice) and in only a matter of days and it all turned completely around. I haven’t asked what work he has to do since a few months after he started there (it took a while for me to learn to let go.) He’s a Sr. now - in all honors classes, has a 94 GPA, great EC’s, works part time and just got an internship clerking for two Judges at a county court. </p>
<p>His school even has a course in “College” starting January of their Junior yr where they do everything from putting together their college lists to writing their essays to submitting their apps. I have had to do nothing but take him to visit schools. Even his apps are proofed by the GC and submitted from school. </p>
<p>If we could do it all over again we would shave sent him in middle school and we live in the top district in my area. </p>
<p>I understand the money part. We have had to sacrifice to send him but having a stress free home life has been worth every penny (not to mention how successful his high school career has been. )</p>
<p>I completely agree that siblings can be very different. I feel fortunate that D1 is older and a self motivated student. We tried the negative incentives with our son (taking computer, Wii, etc away), but those didn’t work - he just found other ways to waste time. The guidance counselor suggested positive incentives - getting to pick where to go out to dinner every few weeks or getting to pick movie family was going to watch, etc are short term, with the long term computer purchase. While we had a 504 plan put in place at the beginning of this school year, I don’t think it’s doing anything. He doesn’t need extra time on tests, just contant reminding about scheduling assignments. </p>
<p>We also tried some ‘shock therapy’ and took him to an open house of a Jesuit, all-boys school in the area. He was not happy that we would consider this and he seemed to buckle down for a few weeks afterwards. His other motivation is that he’s a competitive swimmer and wants to be on the public HS team, as his times are good enough to swim varsity as a freshman next year. The swim coach is also considered the toughest Freshman English teacher, so I’m already planning to ask that he be placed in her class, as he won’t be able to hide from her!</p>
<p>NJ, my son is at an all boys Catholic (La Sallian) prep school with a JROTC program. Being an Asian Jew (he’s adopted) and from a very liberal leaning family it was a leap for all of us. The military component freaked me out even more than the religious part. Surprisingly, while the kids learn to be very disciplined and stupid nonsense is not put up with (they give detention with the teacher of the class same day for work not turned and administrative detention for non academically related things) the school environment is very nurturing. Kids don’t like detention and so they do their work and don’t screw around in class. </p>
<p>They get so much work done in class because of the small size and the teacher rarely has to deal with other nonsense that his homework load is not nearly what the kids in the public schools have to do. </p>
<p>The boys are the most polite you will ever meet. May people have mentioned to me on may times that they can tell a boy from my son’s school just by seeing them walk into a store or restaurant, etc., (and not when they have their uni’s on.)</p>