<p>wow that would totally make my day, or even my year, if a random good looking girl bumps into me, and just asks "can I blow you".</p>
<p>go to parties and it should happen eventually</p>
<p>
[quote]
Yes, regarding guys in general. How come BedHead isn't coming in here? The bastard.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>The bastard has come.</p>
<p>This is a new one on me. Hmmm, how does a girl make herself someone guys are attracted to? </p>
<p>Let me think this through....</p>
<p>When I was in high school, I had absolutely no game, though apparently half the senior class (according to what some women told me) were attracted to me. I was repressed, for reasons beyond my control, stuff going on at home, unhappy, neurotic, etc. So, if you found someone like me, you could prod him into going for you. Would that have worked with me? I think it would have, but I realize in retrospect that, quite laughably (given that I felt so shy and inadequate) that most women were probably intimidated by me. And I was too shy -- and would have been a basket case to go out with anyway.</p>
<p>The only generalizable lesson here for both men and women is that your attractiveness and ability to connect with others is mostly in your head. Work on your head; figure out some way to make yourself realize you are very attractive.</p>
<p>But let me get back to the matter at hand. I think you are 18, that's what your profile said, no? Okay, I have your solution: older men.</p>
<p>Are there any colleges around? Get thee to some college parties. Be savvy and careful; don't make yourself vulnerable, but find a way to put yourself out there. College guys will be more risk-taking and are likely to be less caught up on whether you fit some "type."</p>
<p>Is this your problem, the one about type? I went out with a women who was nearly model gorgeous. She was exotic, though, and she had gone to a very, very prestigious college where I think white bred was amazingly still the dominant social group/paradigm. Or...at least that's how I explained that when we had been going out for a few weeks and she was on my bed studying with me and our clothes came off (or rather I took them off) and.....and she tells me to slow down 'cause she had never done that before. I rolled over and looked up at the ceiling in shock and amazement for several minutes (though I was telling her respectfully that I was sorry, I never thought....blah blah blah), and thinking that it actually explained a lot of things that had gone on that I didn't understand. Are you not the right type for your environment? This woman apparently added to her own insecurities a feeling that she could never be as attractive as the women who most guys around her liked. We went out for awhile and it never quite worked for us, but after our relationship gave her some confidence, and she went on to have a lot of guys attracted to her and to feeling as beautiful as she was (even though her looks were offbeat in a way, she was objectively speaking very pretty).</p>
<p>You need to get out of that fish pond to look for your boys, if what I said above is the case.</p>
<p>Are you too picky? Maybe you're not giving some guys a second look or a chance. I don't know how long you've been where you are, but if you've grown up with some of the guys, you may be overlooking some frogs who have become princes while you weren't paying attention.</p>
<p>Are you too eager? This can turn guys off. The reason why some guys are attracted to b****** is that they signal that they are too good for most guys, and therefore, they become a challenge for the stronger guys. It's hard to fake this; some people have it and others don't. And if a girl is just a b**** without having some other allure, she's just a b*****.</p>
<p>Do you flirt enough? If you flirt enough and learn how to do it without seeming too eager or desparate, I'll bet you could turn some guys. I went to this bar one time and there was this really sexy woman who did this funny thing -- she would do this weird tapping me on the shoulder or jabbing me thing, and then turn away and be coy. That night, though, I was too stupid or shy or tired or whatever to take her challenge. You could do something like this, particularly at a party where you didn't know somebody, if you could pull it off. You'd just have to be happy-go-lucky about it, and bull**** with the guy.</p>
<p>One thing that a woman instinctively knows is that dressing matters. God, I would never tell a woman how to dress, since I would barely would do so for men. But if you can spice it up without seeming too obvious, you can take a page from the books of Europeans, Latins, and sometimes Asians. Unfortunately, in my opinion, American women have a really bland sense of style a lot. You don't have to be revealing or slutty to be sexy, though sometimes dancing around the edges of those things can be good too. </p>
<p>Style makeovers can seem too abrupt if you are in high school. Depending on how much you care what people think of you, work this in slowly. You have to find your own style and what works for you, but personally, long hair works for me. I've dated women with short hair and I don't have anything against it as a general thing, but emphasizing your femininity with long hair is nice. All the really sexy women I've gone out with had long hair, with one exception and her hair was mid-length.</p>
<p>NBAChris gives me what strikes me as really good advice:</p>
<p>
[quote]
A girl who's really beautiful but is not approachable (only talks to her female friends at parties, shy, etc.) can scare off guys. Nobody likes being rejected and made to feel ugly at the feet of a goddess. A girl who may be less attractive but is gregarious and touchy-feely can make a guy feel really comfortable; I think in many instances, guys go out with girls because how they make them feel, as opposed to this ideal of pure love and attraction. Therefore, a less attractive girl who's outgoing and friendly will get the guy because she makes him feel good about himself, whereas a more attractive girl who's a little shy and withdrawn may sap the guy's energy and confidence b/c he has to do all the work.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Add gregariousness. I get the feeling the other stuff is not a factor for you....I don't know.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I think it's possible to be too easy. I am not talking physically.</p>
<p>Other advice:</p>
<p>
[quote]
"Because it's a myth that all boys want is sex. If all a boy wanted was sex, it wouldn't be so hard for me to hook up with somebody I like, now would it??"</p>
<p>a) it's not a myth
b) your problem is probably the "with somebody I like" - maybe guys you like just don't want to do you? most guys won't do any random girl.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I think what people are saying, among other things, when they say all guys want is sex is that they are saying that guys constantly think about sex. According to studies, women do too, just not with the same recurring frequency. Though if you talk to a 40 year old woman, you might find she is closer to men, but that's a story of older women..... I digress.</p>
<p>But guys actually put a lot of brakes on with respect to who they'll sleep with. I think further guys are saying that they will have sex with women to whom they are attracted. Social status comes into play: some guys would sleep with a lot more women than not, if they knew they weren't marking their reputations along certain lines. But if you live in a fish bowl and you guys have all known each other for awhile, there's a pecking order. I hate to tell you, but for some reason, be it your looks or other things, you don't seem to be high on that order.</p>
<p>The good news is the order completely reworks itself over time and in society at large (like the girlfriend I mentioned above).</p>
<p>The bad news is you are where you are. If you just want to hook up with someone, get him away from your usual venues, someplace where you guys can have privacy, and see if you can pry him open a bit. </p>
<p>The better approach along these lines, like I said, is college boys. They aren't in your orbit. Get out of town.</p>
<p>So this has been really rambly, but I'll try to sum up:</p>
<p>1) Try to get out of your pond and find guys out of your stale social set.
2) You don't have to dress up, but make sure you know how to dress to be alluring.
3) You are not attracting the guys you are attracted to. In this "laserprecision's b" is probably right on. You will not be in good shape if you are an easy lay with one of them. I mean if that's all you want, okay. But I am not getting that read. Women should not fall into bed easily with a guy if they really like him. If they do, they get hurt more often than not, since there are too often unbalanced expectations. If they just kind of like him, a casual hook up can be fine.
4) Make yourself an interesting person. People who do predictable things aren't interesting. People who are nice or agree with others all the time aren't interesting. For whatever reason, you are not standing out on the basis of your looks or personality with the guys you find attractive. You can work on your personality without losing your true character. Don't be a phony, but do push limits you've set for yourself.
5) Maybe related to number 4. Why don't you try lobbing a grenade into the situation with one of them and see if you can get a rise out of him? Don't do it viciously; do it with a subtle tongue in cheek. If you can pull it off, wail on a guy's ass or just pull his leg. One example that's lame, but the only one I can come up with: I had a woman tell me that a woman I worked with wanted to go out with me. But I was pretty sure that the opposite was actually true and she was just messing with me to get a rise out of me, 'cause actually she liked me. Throw some sand in his gears, whoever he is. But if you do this, you have to be prepared to laugh off this kind of stuff, if the guy responds the wrong way. The other thing is these kinds of things are better tried on self-assured people who have a sense of humor. Don't do it with some really earnest guy who can't take a joke.
6) Look for situations to be one-on-one with a guy. A guy in a group is a guy who is worried about peer pressure, and for some reason at this point peer pressure is not working for you. A guy on his own is more open-minded. It is easier to get a college guy in this situation.
7) Learn how to flirt, if you don't know how.
8) I had a guy friend who would be really confrontational when he started flirting with a girl. There's something to the concept of being noticed for bad behavior is better than being ignored for good. If you're funny, it's even better. Maybe you need a touch of this.</p>
<p>Here's my problem, jaded, I have been coaching guys how to be strong, but you are dealing with high school guys who have a problem with shyness as much as anything typically.</p>
<p>I don't think I hit the nail on the head with any of this, but maybe it's a good, if way too wordy, start...To be continued.</p>
<p>There may be some others to weigh in here....</p>
<p>Wow. Planning on writing a self-help dating book any time soon? :p</p>
<p>BedHead, I have a question for you, how do you know when a guy likes you, esp. the shy kind of guy???</p>
<p>seems like the girls i know are more into sex than guys are. they obsess/talk about it, i dunno. women's liberation gone too far</p>
<p>BedHead made things sound so complicated. Typical Ivy kid intellectualizing everything. </p>
<p>Simply go up to a guy you like and say "hey, your really hot!" in a sexy, flirtatious voice. Sexual confidence.</p>
<p>If you look at my previous thread "Smart people=ugly" you will see lots of people delusional about there looks. "I'm smart and I'm hot"-yeah, right. Rule of thumb, if you post on CC, you're not good looking enough to get any guy/girl.</p>
<p>Yeah, he made it sound complicated...</p>
<p>Wutang! Ugh! I saw that thread of yours! And I do agree that a lot of the time smart people are usually not the most attractive but there are plenty of exceptions to that rule! (And I think this theory needs elaboration which I'm not going to attempt right here)</p>
<p>I think I'm pretty good looking. Cute face. I'm fine. And I KNOW I have a KICKASS body! </p>
<p>Well, to be honest, I do not have a lot of data to show you a trend of the kind of guys I'm attracting and what not. I don't really know who is attracted to me. I don't know if a boy likes me or he's being friendly or he's gay or what. But I do know that the boys who make it pretty clear that they like me are not boys that I like!</p>
<p>And the few boys that I like do not like me. Except the current one I'm after. I'm really working on him. It's a strange situation, at least for me. I've never interacted with a boy this way before.</p>
<p>But I guess now I understand. Why the ugly girls keep getting boyfriends. And I do not want a boy who would ever subject himself to dating a *****, so I'm not going to even try.</p>
<p>I think people view me as sweet or weird. I don't think I behave predictably, but I think I'm so unpredictable that its a turn off. Sometimes they make me feel like the dumbest IB kid. :(</p>
<p>you gotta put out</p>
<p>p.s. wu tang ain't nothing to f uck wif</p>
<p>Try not worrying about boys! Maybe work on your intelligence?</p>
<p>So, here's my two cents...I think going after older boys is terrible advice. Too easy to be manipulated and if you think boys don't care about sex you're really in for trouble. Could just be my perspective...but that's where advice comes from, right? </p>
<p>Just, don't be stupid, ok? intelligence is attractive</p>
<p>
[quote]
BedHead made things sound so complicated. Typical Ivy kid intellectualizing everything. </p>
<p>Simply go up to a guy you like and say "hey, your really hot!" in a sexy, flirtatious voice. Sexual confidence.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Ha, I'd be the first to admit I made it complicated...as you can see from number of disclaimers I made...and I probably should have edited, but I was thinking as I was writing, and I wasn't trying to hide the fact that I was a bit out of my element if not depth. And was trying to show that. I think a debate would be a better way here of getting jaded's questions answered, whereas on another thread, I tend to be much more confident, if not to the point.</p>
<p>To say that I over-intellectualized it is off the mark. I am trying to look at things from your perspective, and I am just trying to sort out my intuitions.</p>
<p>
[quote]
But I do know that the boys who make it pretty clear that they like me are not boys that I like!
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Well, whatever you are doing with the guy you are working on now, if it's working and he's not backing away, keep doing it. Just resist making yourself too available. The statement from Wutang's advice above risks making you too available; it might well work with a shy guy who does like you but hasn't summoned the courage. I get a read that that's not exactly the kind of guy that attracts you, but maybe I am wrong.</p>
<p>Frankly speaking, Wutang's advice is horrible for a woman, in my opinion, or at least for a woman in high school. It could work wonderfully -- and would be more likely to when you don't need it as much in college or beyond -- but it could also misfire horribly, and I think you have to be a bit concerned about the latter. I'll try to elaborate more later.</p>
<p>Quitejaded: I'll get back to you. Frankly, it sounds like you just need to come into your own, which often means getting to a new place like college. As I look back, those who peak in high school often turn out to be the ones who are dull and unattractive in life beyond hs, whereas the smart ones often blossom. Part of coming into your own means getting closer to a peer group where your intelligence and uniqueness is appreciated rather than considered strange. This is all a guess. But American high schools tend to have a really, really narrow view of the images of what is attractive, cool, and all that. And they tend to be very judgemental in this regard. So you go off to college and the world gets bigger and, as you described yourself, you will look around and realize that the world is your oyster, and that guys are fighting for you. My advice to you, if I don't sound to big brotherly: make yourself as worthy of that fight as possible: be as coy and sophisticated and funny as well as accomplished and well read as possible. I f***ing hate that term, but focus on what makes you alluring on for lack of a better term the level of EQ as well as what makes you interesting in terms of your intelligence and accomplishments. Remember: these days, statistics are showing, guys want partners, not bimbos. But meanwhile, have much fun -- in foreign countries too. Mix it up. Have some experience. Meet some guys. Cultivate your charms. You'd be surprised how much this can count for. I remember coming home from a dinner party with 3 or 4 guys; there had been a French woman at the party and she charmed the hell out of all us, though she wasn't particularly pretty. It was wit, grace, and intelligence that went into her charm. Work that out. A lot of Americans don't have that. But when an American guy finds that and its naturally been integrated into your personality in a natural, not pretentious, way, you are will be a diamond....</p>
<p>
[quote]
Try not worrying about boys! Maybe work on your intelligence?</p>
<p>So, here's my two cents...I think going after older boys is terrible advice. Too easy to be manipulated and if you think boys don't care about sex you're really in for trouble. Could just be my perspective...but that's where advice comes from, right?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>As I was posting what I wrote above from aspiring 1010, and I agree that going after older boys carries risks such as those stated above, and if I didn't make my warning clear in that regard, let a 1010's post stand as a good one. I stand by my original instinct on that one -- or at least that you may need to fish outside your pond -- with the following caveat: how experienced are you? Have you ever been with a guy? You can answer these things yourself. If you are savvy and know what's up and can read most situations fairly well, you could probably pick right. But it would be best to accompanied by a friend from that college who's a woman. And don't make yourself easily available and vulnerable until you've established trust. I had friends in high school who were dead bored with the guys around them and happily dated men from outside the hs including guys from college -- but the one I think of in particular, she was really savvy perhaps beyond her years. If you have doubts about any of the above, just wait until next year (when I assume you are going) or later as a 1010 says. It was great advice.</p>
<p>Regarding the other things a 1010 said: yes, be smart, but don't limit yourself to books and intellectualism alone.</p>
<p>A lot of Americans don't have charm and neither do I. Unless you have a technique or something for me to study on how to become charming. You can't just tell me to be witty and intelligent and what not. That's like expecting someone to do brain surgery just because he read books about it.</p>
<p>I've been working on my "intelligence" for 18 years. And just because I want some boys doesn't mean I have to STOP working on it...</p>
<p>Yah, and I don't understand why you want me to go after older boys... Why would I want an older boy? Especially when I'm still in highschool?</p>
<p>To this boy that I like, I think I've made myself very available to him. But he has been my friend for a little while so I didn't think it mattered since friends should always be available for each other. I didn't think it mattered. And he's not backing away. But he is very slow. I've been leading everything. I don't know if he is shy, though that would explain some things. I do know any hesitation is due in part of the fact that he has a dirty lifestyle and he worries he may taint me.</p>
<p>I have little to no experience. I've never been with a guy. :x</p>
<p>quitejaded...here's my two cents...</p>
<p>you're attracted to guys that don't think you're attractive.</p>
<p>you're not attracted to guys that find you attractive. </p>
<p>IMHO, looks aren't everything. Stop being shallow and get to know the guys that are into you. All of them can't be fugly.</p>
<p>MightyNick, what the hell are you talking about? When did I ever say looks were everything?</p>
<p>Don't even TRY to pretend that the way a girl looks has a small role in attraction. I think it's bigger than that.</p>
<p>And I never said ANYTHING about how a BOY should look.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Yah, and I don't understand why you want me to go after older boys... Why would I want an older boy? Especially when I'm still in highschool?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I hereby withdraw my recommendation, particularly given the things you revealed.</p>
<p>I actually think that what you should do is befriend someone you're attracted to, if you can move in at a relaxed pace, and just be cool about it. A lot of times feelings develop in the relaxed closeness of friendship, and for right now, that's what you should shoot for. It sounds to me like you're doing this already with the guy that you talked about. </p>
<p>What is this thing about a dirty lifestyle? You mean he hooks up with a lot of women? Or he's into other apparently questionable things?</p>
<p>Why did I suggest older guys? It was my best guess at how you could get to into another pond, or pool, of candidates. As I said, a lot of times people at the end of high school are really just in waiting mode for college, which is where life will blossom more fully -- and the people you're familiar with are often too familiar. That's all. If it doesn't sound like a good idea, don't do it. Frankly, I think I way overestimated some things and perhaps your experience. I am not used to talking to high school students.</p>
<p>Look, I am guessing at things here, firstly about your situation and secondly at how it is for girls or women. Take whatever I say with a big grain of salt, of course. But myself or one of the other posters here might just help your understanding.</p>
<p>You see, it's taken two or three posts to really understand what you want in the first place. What you should have asked, I think, is how you get the guy that you've befriended and like to be more interested with you and to show his hand? Isn't that what you really want to know? Why didn't you come out and say it? This is anonymous; no one can bite you here.</p>
<p>I reserve any further comment on your situation until I know more about where this guy is coming from. The dirty lifestyle comment throws me off a bit. I mean, I am imagining anything from a sex fiend to someone who likes to play mud football....</p>
<p>
[quote]
A lot of Americans don't have charm and neither do I. Unless you have a technique or something for me to study on how to become charming. You can't just tell me to be witty and intelligent and what not. That's like expecting someone to do brain surgery just because he read books about it.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That is a really good question, and I don't quite know the answer. For the record, I don't hate America or Americans, since I am one, my family and most of my friends are, etc. But I really agreed with Gwyneth Paltrow when she said that the British are wittier and have better dinner conversations and the like. It's, regrettably, just a fact. (It also elicited this really strident reaction from a bunch of people that said she was a b**** and hated America and should give up her citizenship.) And it's the case with most Europeans, and selected other parts of the world. Maybe the answer is to go abroad for a year and actually live with people who aren't American; that alone can be a great education, if not in charm, just in broadening your horizons.</p>
<p>What did this woman have that I was talking about?</p>
<p>1) Refinement
2) Grace
3) Humble confidence
4) Wit
5) Intelligence
6) Sensitivity</p>
<p>If this sounds absolutely unappealing, don't worry about it. But these things can be cultivated in a person who also remains down to earth. It's not about what you have or where you go to school, it's about your manner and manners.</p>
<p>If you thought that I was suggesting to stop developing your intelligence now that you are interested in boys, you didn't understand what I wrote.</p>
<p>
[quote]
MightyNick, what the hell are you talking about? When did I ever say looks were everything?</p>
<p>Don't even TRY to pretend that the way a girl looks has a small role in attraction. I think it's bigger than that.</p>
<p>And I never said ANYTHING about how a BOY should look.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>your posts do imply that, woman.</p>
<p>i pretty much think you're in a hopeless situation. sorry, no guys for you.</p>
<p>
[quote]
your posts do imply that, woman.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>hahahaha. i'm curious to know if you speak to females like that in person as well.</p>
<p>
[quote]
i pretty much think you're in a hopeless situation. sorry, no guys for you.
[/quote]
I think you're just TRYING to be an *******. You don't even give reasons for anything. You're acting like a troll.</p>
<p>My post puts emphasis on looks because good looks are the best attractors. People judge you by the way you look and you cannot tell me a good looking girl doesn't effect what or how you think about her.</p>
<p>But I never said that was all I cared about or what anyone cares about. I just know that you don't ever say "I want my girlfriend to be ugly, please."</p>
<p>I didn't come out with my question because I wanted this to be a nice big general thread. For all girls who are confused by boys. Because I wanted this to over power the girl thread. I wouldn't have made this thread if I didn't see and get ****ed off by so many of the girl threads. Haha</p>
<p>Alright, well the boy has a dirty lifestyle in that he smokes pot and fags. He's "friends" with other smokers and problematic people. From what I hear the other boys talking about, it sounds like Andrew isn't necessarily friends with everyone but he is surrounded by these problematic people. It reminded me why public service announcements don't want you taking a basically harmless drug. I know he has a FRIEND in jail. And I guess he has a lot of problems, but he refuses to talk about them (at least with me). But I like that he cheers up when we hang out together.</p>
<p>you may be beautiful in real life (although what you may think looks cute and hot may be VERY DIFFERENT from what i think looks cute and hot) but from the way you conduct yourself on this forum makes you seem like the most ugly, selfish, arrogant and ****y girl I have EVER come across. You're a turn off. </p>
<p>I hope that answers your originial question.</p>
<p>
[quote]
hahahaha. i'm curious to know if you speak to females like that in person as well.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>No. Just with arrogant female trolls like the one above.</p>