<p>I searched but really didn't see this addressed anyway. My first is off to college at the end of August. My husband wants us to bring our second child who is 4. I'm concerned that it will be difficult to unpack and set #1 up with #2 there. Not to mention, I want it to be a special time for #1. My husband thinks it will be important for #2 to see where her sister will be living. Any thoughs? While the girls are far apart in ages, I do think it's going to be difficult on them being separated. #1 is like mommmy #2 to her sister.</p>
<p>We were wondering the same thing this time last year. Ultimately, we did take our then-four-year-old, and both he and his big sister (our oldest) were very, very glad we did. He could picture her room, from then on, and he got to meet her roommate and some other people; she got to have a lot of unembarrassing affection (NO ONE thinks you're strange for hugging your "baby" brother a lot), and a fun, cheerful conversation-starter with anyone/everyone, because he was up and down the hall all afternoon. The difference between our situation and yours is that we have one in-between (he's 15), so during those two or three times when the little guy was actually in the way, we could send him outside with his brother. Even without that, we'd have managed, I think. If you are leaning towards it, I'd vote for bringing him along.</p>
<p>My S started college last yr 1500 miles from home. My sister and I are both single parents and have lived together for some time, so she is like a second mom to S. She also has a 3-yr old adopted daughter. Both went along with S and me to move him in last fall. We flew out a few days before move-in, rented a van and did most of his shopping out there, but also made a mini-vacation out of it which gave us all a chance to explore S's new school and city (Boston). Certainly there are extra challenges with a young one along, trying to keep them entertained and out of the way at the same time. We had my niece do some very "important" tasks so that she was part of the process, such as lining up shoes in the closet even if they did get moved later, sweeping the floor, etc. </p>
<p>But it also made my niece feel much more special and important to have been included in the process of helping her cousin move into his "new school." I think this helped her with the separation aspect too, since it made the whole process much more real for her, so it was easier for her to understand even at her age (not even 3) where her cousin was during the months that followed, and that he would come home some day soon on an airplane just like she had after she had visited his school. And since the bond between your two D's is much closer than that between my S and niece, I would expect that being part of her big sister's move-in could help the younger one deal with the separation even more.</p>
<p>I don't have a young child, so I'm answering from the vantage point of another parent who's doing some of the moving.</p>
<p>I would be worried about the child's safety and the safety of others during move in day. Lots of people running around, carrying boxes & furniture - bad peripheral vision and sometimes blocked front vision. If your 4 year old wriggles away from you, or just walks out in to the hallway while you're helping your older child, it's really easy for someone to trip over her (injuring both), or hurt themselves in avoiding her. </p>
<p>Unless you've got someone who can be completely focused on watching her and keeping her safe, as the person who might trip over her, I'd request that you leave her home.</p>
<p>As a 5-year-old, I adored my eldest sister who is 12 years older. When she went off to college 220 miles away, my parents took me along. Her new hallmates made a big fuss over me and the RAs had a lot of festive things planned. It was all incredibly exciting for me and I had the impression that college is the coolest thing in the world. For the next four years, when she would return home, I'd prod her for all the college stories and anecdotes she could think of. It really made me eager to get to college, and when I did, I had a fabulous and life-altering experience. I had planned to go into Journalism, but when I graduated I decided that my greatest passion was college life so I got a masters instead and began working in college student affairs administration. That was 29 years ago; I've been a Dean of Students and VP for the past 19 years, and I trace it all back to being included in my oldest sister's move. (Well, my folks also took me along to Parents Weekend, and I thought the football game was awfully cool too - maybe that deserves some of the credit.)</p>
<p>We have an 8-year old and won't be bringing him to move-in day. He has visited for orientation and knows where his sister will be living, but there is a lot of stuff for us to do and some "adult" events planned by the college, so he is best left at home. Also, as some of you know, it's been a very tough year for me and I'm struggling with D leaving, so I don't want my little guy present if I lose it on the way home. He's going to have a hard enough time without her as it is. She is the shining light of his life. They are on a "date" right now. We could offer him a Playstation III and he wouldn't blink, but let sister offer him a bagel and he is rapturous. She is going to say goodbye to him early in the morning and hubby is going to bring the little guy to my mother while Zoosergirl and I finish getting ready.</p>
<p>Oh I absolutely agree about the safety concerns! This worked for us for a number of reasons. At S's school they assign different move-in days to each dorm building over a period of 4-5 days and since S's move-day was actually the last move-in day (Sunday before Labor Day) and we were flying and wanted to avoid flying out on Labor Day we arranged for S to move in a few days early so his dorm building was relatively quiet even though other buildings were pretty chaotic and his roommate was not moving in that day either so the movement in and out of his room was pretty controlled. In addition, S and I made all trips back/forth to the car while my sister and niece stayed in the room unpacking, opening packages etc. As I said there are a lot of extra challenges with a young one, but with 2 adults plus S, it was certainly very manageable in our situation.</p>
<p>Right - the safety concerns are important. We were comfortable with it because our daughter moved in early, for athletic preseason, so it was quite different from the high congestion of a full-on move-in day. Also, as I mentioned, our older son was able to help keep an eye on him. Truly, his being there meant a lot to him and to his sister, and we're glad we were able to make it work. Hope you can, too!</p>
<p>When I took my older daughter to college, there was no room in the car for anyone else! After three move-ins and move-outs, I would hesitate to bring a four-year old along for safety reasons. The parking lots get very crowded, and I would be nervous about a driver trying to grab an open spot where a youngster may be wandering. That's just me, though - both my kids tended to roam when they were young.</p>
<p>I would do this only if:</p>
<p>1) there are two parents coming, and one agrees to be totally responsible for the young sibling (in terms of such issues as safety, getting lost, finding bathrooms, etc.) while the other takes exclusive responsibility for helping the student move in.</p>
<p>2) you are taking two cars or at least a really big minivan. That child is going to take up a lot of room that would otherwise be devoted to luggage.</p>
<p>When my older child moved in for his first year my then-11 year old daughter went along and was quite helpful and it probably was a positive experience for both. However, a 4-year-old is another story; likely to need constant watching in this setting for safety reasons and I think it might be a distraction from the main eventy, which is your older child's moving in. Also it is a tiring experience and will be more so with a small child to look after. I suspect that four is too young to fully appreciate the experience and that it would be a happier memory all around if a treat was arranged for her that did not involve being at moving in day. All those cars and heavy items in parking lots and hallways, and busy people everywhere--not a great combination with a preschooler added to the mix.</p>
<p>Where an older sibling is going to be living is not really going to register the same way for a four-year-old the way it would for an older child. I agree with all the objections stated: safety, boredom, underfootness, space. Move-in is stressful enough with just the required stuff. While YMMV, no way would I bring a four-year-old short of the only alternatives being leaving him/her with someone irresponsible at home.</p>
<p>I suppose if there were an older non-moving sibling to take charge of the younger, with that expectation clearly set up front, it might be different.</p>
<p>Awww! I can see your dilemma! In a very different way, we had to watch out for the feelings of a 12-year-old boy who adores his big brother. We didn't let him go, even though he could have stayed safe and even helped a bit. And it was hard for him to imagine and settle down emotionally with his big-bro away until we all re-visited in October for Family Weekend. That was wonderful, and the dorm all set up, with nice things to attend for every age. That healed the open wondering, so I know what you mean, just in a 4-year-old brain it's harder to discuss it all. But the feelings are still strong. </p>
<p>For a 4-year-old, I can't decide for you, but can make some thought-points to help you decide. (Note: am a parent but also retired schoolteacher, grades K-2, so feel close to that agegroup). </p>
<p>My first thought is: SAFETY. Imagine teens running up stairwells with refrigerators, barely able to see, and your child slipping away in their path. Both could really experience a terrible fall: fridge, teen, your child...oh, no! Everyone's in a rush. You might be very careful, but nobody else will be that thoughtful of a 4-year-old.</p>
<p>Breaking up assignments of one parent to keep the other far from the room at move-in time is safe...but is that what you, your H, and college kid want here?</p>
<p>It's hard to imagine what sense 4-year-olds make of experiences. As a teacher, I saw this when kids came to witness births; what the parents thought might be beautiful was frightening for the child, etc. It's not just what we think they should think about it. They have their own sensory world, and it's possible the noise and commotion will make your younger child very unhappy about visiting the college next time, or at least, be a very negative experience in his memory. </p>
<p>The only sane part is the scene where they all get to hug goodbye on the lawn outside the dorm. That I can see.</p>
<p>But you also don't want the child to think the brother has disappeared "forever" since they have NO sense of time! (When I was 6, my Mom went to hospital 6 months and I believed she had died, even though now people tell me I was repeatedly told she was "in hospital." What sense did it make to me?
All I knew was, suddenly she was Gone.)</p>
<p>Instead, if you decide to leave the 4-year-old home, you COULD engage all of his sense of PLAY, and set up little playhouses and play (in advance) when the brother will leave, and little playaction figures that "go to college" but then play-action little brother goes to visit him on "Columbus Day" (don't say October or he'll think it's October 1, the first time you say it on your calendar!). Practice and rehearse where you will stand and wave goodbye (from home) at the car and that'll be his "goodbye" ritual. Say over-and-over, ahead of time, how you'll come home just Mom and Dad, so he's not upset when you return as a two-some, and then you'll visit "on Veteran's Day" (or go to the airport for Thanksgiving, whatever..).</p>
<p>Finally, can you use technology to help with the leave-taking? For example, make a movie of the brother's new room (oh the roomies will love that), send a cellphone picture, have the brother call him by cell when he's there a few times, etc? Think technology; it can be a friend here.</p>
<p>In sum: I agree with most above that safety is the reason not to take him; if you do, only if you assign one away from the move-in furniture scene. And<br>
use imaginary play plus technology to create some rituals and viewings that will reassure the 4-year-old that his brother hasn't left him/rejected him.</p>
<p>Good luck. My heart goes out to you!!!</p>
<p>EDIT: gender apology, I reread and see your are girls; same ideas, however!</p>
<p>We didn't even take our then 15 year old when her brother moved into his college room. There wasn't room in the van. In fact, she never saw any of his college rooms except in pictures he sent her. We boarded her out to friends for all the move in/out days AND for parents weekend (we only went to that one time). She didn't come to his graduation from college either (she was still in college herself on the opposite coast), but she did fly in for his senior recital. Oh...he hasn't seen her college at all, but I'll bet he would LOVE a trip to CA!!!</p>
<p>If your older daughter wants her little sister to come, I think you should try very hard to take her. Moving in is lots of work, but it's not so intense that one of the three of you couldn't take turns keeping an eye on the little one. So it takes a little longer to move in...who cares? Make it a whole family experience! The other posters are right; young children really miss their older sibs when they go off to college. Their sorrow is real. If they have a picture in their minds of where their sibling is, it can make the transition easier. We took our younger son to Boston to help our older son move in. He wasn't four, but I know being part of the experience helped him deal with parting with his big brother. Good luck!</p>
<p>We took our son's younger sister with us when we took him to college for the first time. She was a little older than yours at age 7. It worked out great for us. She loved helping him move in and hanging out with him and roommate, seeing the campus and running around to get all the things he needed. She felt very grown up. But as I said, she was 7 and that is a bit different than a 4 year old. I think you must know your child and how she would handle the situation. We also flew to another state and stayed for a few days in a hotel, so it was also a mini vacation for her as well.</p>
<p>The only down side was how upset she got when it was time to say goodbye. However, I wouldn't haven't wanted to take that part from her either, even tho it was painful.</p>
<p>Better to take the child on another weekend.</p>
<p>Ditch the kid, if you can.</p>
<p>Wow, so many responses! One of the responders mentioned that they moved in early for athletics. My D is also moving in early for a pre-fall outdoor adventure orientation. That should reduce some of the traffic and safety concerns. We are planning on bringing #2 to Family Weekend even though there's a concert scheduled one night that I really want to go to but would be too loud and too late for the little one. I'm really torn! You've all definitely added to my thought process. I will share the safety concerns with my husband. I really wanted this time with my older one. Maybe, I should ask her for her opinion...... Thanks again, everyone.</p>
<p>OP, I'm the one who mentioned an early move-in, for sports. Since you're doing the same thing for a pre-orientation program, you will definitely face less congestion, and that's a plus. Other things that will affect how well this could work include the overall size of the school, the size of your D's dorm, the location of her room <em>within</em> the dorm, and even the weather - though that one you can't really call ahead of time. For us, we were there when very few others were moving in, the school is small, my D's room was down a half-flight of stairs and only two doors in from the small loading area where we could pull right up to the door - AND it was a beautiful day. The trip from car to room was very fast, and to boot, her (basement) window looked right out on the grass next to where the car was parked. I'm not sure it would have worked so well if we'd been going up four flights of stairs, or if we'd been coming from the far end of a crowded parking lot. So, learn what you can about the setup ahead of time and factor that in. As to the mom/daughter time - I understand and sympathize, and I'm sure everyone else here does too. But if (as many of us have said) you all are sharing the little-sister watching, then everybody will get some special time with your D. And the thing is (which, fortunately, friends with older kids had tried to prepare me for), the move-in day is very unpredictable, emotionally. You can run the gamut of feelings, and so can she, and maybe not in the same direction at the same time. So in fact, having the littler one there can help take the heat off, if needed. The four-year-old mindset/perspective can lighten things up wonderfully, as I'm sure you know. And as long as you have help, the four-year-old can also be elsewhere for a while, and give you time with your D - or can even provide an excuse for everybody including you to clear out, if D needs that for a while. I can't emphasize the unpredictability of everybody's feelings enough. (My husband was fabulously calm and supportive from the moment we drove on campus to the moment we drove off. He then stopped at the first gas station, turned off the engine, put his head down on the steering wheel and sobbed.) </p>
<p>Bringing her another weekend is of course the excellent fallback, if you can't make this work. It's clear from the way you're thinking this through that you'll do plenty to help them stay connected, and mitigate the sadness of the separation. (And a lot of schools have good baby-sitting options during Family Weekend, so you might not have to miss that concert.)</p>
<p>By the way, I loved what another poster said about various ways to work the departure for college into play, ahead of time - we definitely did a lot of that, and it helped. We also taught him how to video-chat, which helped after she was gone. And of course there are good old low-tech crayons, for making pictures to go on her wall. And then she can take pictures of the pictures on her wall, and so on. Having a beloved pen-pal is a pretty great thing at this age, after all. (18 as well as 4!)</p>
<p>Best of luck with the decision, and with the Big Day.</p>