<p>Great idea to ask the older sister her opinion. It's her big day so she might have some thoughts about what might be best for her.</p>
<p>I was surprised at our eldest. You can't imagine a more patient, generous big brother, as your D must be. But he quietly begged us not to bring the younger sibs to move-in day. Otherwise, since we're a close family, I'm sure we would have (ages 15 and 12).</p>
<p>If you ask her and she says "don't bring" then I hope you'll give her veto power.</p>
<p>I promise I'll stop after this one! : ) But absolutely, what Paying3 said. I think how your older D feels is the single most important factor. </p>
<p>(I think the very thoughtful comments about things you might try ahead of time, to prepare for the separation, came from Paying3Tuitions, too. Hats off for the always wise and well-considered posts!)</p>
<p>I cannot imagine moving day without the entire gang. Hectic, stressful, crazy and the whatnot are part of the memories that our gang of 6 is accustomed too. We will all be there when D is moved in and take a family picture. D will at times get annoyed with her other 3 sisters (8-17) and the parental unit on the outside but will be thrilled to see all of us clear our schedules to be there. All of us will also attend parents weekend which is now called family weekend. Our D would feel like her sisters didn't care about her if they all didn't attend.</p>
<p>If you do decide to leave the younger one at home, how about doing a version of "Flat Stanley"? Trace the younger one's full-size outline on a big sheet of paper, and have her draw on her features, clothes, etc. Take it along on the drop-off day, and take pictures of it standing at the dorm door, sitting on the bed, etc. The younger one can imagine herself there in its place when she sees the pictures.</p>
<p>"I'm concerned that it will be difficult to unpack and set #1 up. . ."</p>
<p>Resist the urge --- daughter and roommate(s) should be setting up the room, minus the folks! </p>
<p>Good advice about supervising younger D during move in --</p>
<p>I thought my view was original until I saw paying3 and Harriet the Spy's :) posts--
I agree with leaving it up to your daughter if she wants little sister to come along. Of course you will both have to look out for her.
Younger siblings will be coming along out of necessity when we bring S1 to school for preorientation. He said he doesn't care either way (so sentimental). Pluses are that they are old enough to help carry stuff, and may help help keep my spirits up when we drive away.</p>
<p>This is a right of passage, and I think the whole family should be included. Of course, since both my parents are deceased, and I am an only, and D is an only, and her father is deceased, my vision is very jealous - I wish we had a 4 year old to take, or any family member at that! And what a wonderful way to meet other people - the other kids will go nuts over the 4 year old, and will help D break the ice with new friends.</p>
<p>I went alone when both kids moved in -- one a half hour away and one across the country. My husband stayed home with our younger kids (the second time around a kid was starting high school, so there was no option.) Although the local move was not bad, the move across country into the fourth floor of an old building (no elevator) in horrendous heat and humidity was some of the most backbreaking work I've ever done. In the common room, people were assembling furniture, putting together floor lamps and there were screws, tools and all sorts of things around -- including cleaning supplies. I would not have wanted to have a small child around unless someone was absolutely dedicated to keeping that child away from the chaos most of the time and only bringing the child in for planned visits. There was a huge amount of walking -- much more than a small child could have handled. I was exhausted. Also, I think, unexpectedly, my kid needed me to be Mom to her only during those final hours. I did have the youngest make a beautiful picture and sign for her to put up in her new room, etc. Both of her younger brothers have since visited. I think a lot of it has to do with the logistics -- how physically demanding will the trip be and how much supervision can be provided for the younger child.</p>
<p>ejr1 - my thoughts are with you on a variety of levels. I agree that it is a right of passage and the whole family should be there. In our case, our high school daughter will miss an important day of marching band post camp and dad will also miss a day of school as he is a student this summer. The 2 younger sibs, 8 and 11, will grumble about the cramped ride, the heat, the walking, the carrying of things etc etc but wouldn't miss out on this for all the tea in China. The adventure and the journey as crazy as it gets is as important to us as the destination. I carry lots of excedrin migraine with me and usually at days end I thoroughly enjoy that glass or two of wine. I also feel for you in that you and your D have only each other as family to move her in. Best of luck to you and your D.</p>
<p>I say leave the younger one at home, especially one as young as 4. I was one of 5 kids (the middle child) and my parents NEVER took any of the younger sibs on move in day. We always got to go to Parents' Weekend, though, which was usually only a few weeks later.</p>
<p>When it was my turn to move in to the dorm, I found out why. It was a very emotional, physically exhausting day. I couldn't imagine either of my two younger sisters (who would have been 14 and 10 at the time) being of any help. The last thing I would have wanted to hear that day is a lot of whining.</p>
<p>I remember our first move in -- I thought there was going to be a lot to do, but there wasn't! His stuff was moved into the room really quickly, there were not a lot of people running all over, and he didn't really want (or appreciate!) the help we were offering to unpack and set up. </p>
<p>Maybe his school was unusually organized - but I don't think so. I'd take your 4 year old. This is a family event!!! Have fun.</p>
<p>WOW, I am loosing more sleep over this issue than S#1 actually leaving. (although that is killing me also.) As the name states, 4kids. We are a very close family very similar to girls 4mom, however, ours are S18,S16,D8,D6. My problem is that move in day is actually the start of Oreintation for parents and students,so minimum stay is 2 nights. We really do not have anyone I could leave my darling DIVAS (and I mean DIVAS) with for more than one night. I don't want to leave them with my 16 yr old son for that long either, especially since his GF is moving in across the street this weekend, and that is too much responsiblity for him. The 16 is a real work horse to help lug stuff up 12 floors and help set up a loft (and his futon for under big bro's bed for weekend visits). I know in my heart my S1 would love for it to just be a threesome of him, H and me, but it looks like it will be the usual craziness and hurricane that we always are. Just the things S1 can't wait to be free of. I am thinking of taking 2 cars down, man car loaded with stuff, diva car loaded with love. Make the men move everything while I take the Divas around campus to show them where their darling biggset brother will be living. We could also be shoppers for last minute items. Just writing this is making me feel better. Lilymoon, do you think this is possible at the school? I need a drink and an Oreo.</p>
<p>Although we are a very clise knit family, I am sooo excited about D's college experience. I just think and I know it doesn't matter to anyone except our family unit, that family is the most important thing. I really will have a hard time and have to rely on CC posters for help, when we have to leave a child without the full force. I think it is a given and hopefully have raised my children that way but am realistic to the world. I cannot imagine that when my 8yr old goes off to college that her older sibs will not be there. I know I live in a delusional world, but so be it.</p>
<p>Hey 4 kids, we are D 18 ,D 17. D - 11. D- 8 amd we wouldn't change a thing except to add more. We love the parental aspect of having children.</p>
<p>Freshstart19 --
Hope you went with the advice of asking the new college student what her preference is.</p>
<p>Regarding safety -- a lot depends on the school. Moving into a dorm at NYU, or the towers at Boston University, would likely present a safety hazard for a minimally supervised 4 year old! (Somewhat of a safety hazard for a well supervised 50 year old!) Most schools with smaller dorms in true campus settings won't be as chaotic.</p>
<p>As I read,I cannot imagine it any other way. Wei will a move D onto her dorm adn buy what is needed, We will have anticipated what is needed and buy that ahead of time. It will be a great party for all of us that day on a variety of levels and I look forward to every moment.</p>
<p>Could the little ones sell lemonade or cookies in the floor lounge? There is a small college a few blocks from where I live and every year the kids who live across the street set up stands to sell lemonade/ cookies/brownies etc. during orientation and move-in and move-out days.</p>
<p>What about giving the little ones the important job of decorating a bulletin board for the older sibling? Give them art supplies in the floor lounge if necessary. They could also decorate picture frames,etc just to keep them busy. Older sib could always change it over later.</p>
<p>With the disclaimer that I'm weirdly unsentimental and come from a family that is pretty unsentimental as well, here's my opinion: </p>
<p>I think the "rite of passage" thing is overblown. Yes, it would be nice if everything was perfect and there was a good, easy way where everyone in the family could come and help move-in, but is a 4 year old really going to understand or remember what's going on? Admittedly, I have a lousy memory, but I sure don't remember much of what happened when I was 4, and what I do remember is pretty random--nothing mind blowing. Hell, I was almost 4 when my brother was born and I have only vague and tangential memories of that. Also, and again, I know I'm biased because I don't particularly like small children (sorry! Can't help it), but I still think it would be a pain for the other people unless the parents are really vigilant about watching the young child all the time, which, in my experience, many fewer parents are than I would wish. And no, before anyone asks, I'm not one of those soulless people who thinks that babies should never cry and small children should never be seen. It just doesn't seem terribly realistic to have a small child along for move-in day (especially at a big school, but almost anywhere, really). </p>
<p>It's also important to think about the child(ren) that are tagging along. Sure, we COULD bring my 14 year old brother with me--he's never seen Wellesley, after all! Except that he would have to miss his first WEEK of HS--not a very good idea if it can at all be avoided. And my family isn't coming out for Parents Weekend, or whatever it's called--it's just not practical. So I don't know when my brother will see Wellesley... but I suspect that he's not going to be in tears about it :). I think it would be much worse for him to miss his first week of high school. Similarly, I think it could be really lousy to be the 4 year old tagging along on move-in day. Of course, everyone knows their own kid better than I do, but when I think about how I am in general, and how I was as a small child, I think I would be miserable if I were a small child going to a move-in day. I get hot and cranky easily (I did as a child, and I still do now! :)), I wouldn't like walking long distances, and I would become tough to deal with with little to capture my attention and without a regular mealtime (which might be tough to come by on a busy moving day in an unknown area). I wasn't a bad child, by any means, but you probably wouldn't want 4 year old me around while you were moving in your kid. </p>
<p>Of course, my father has been telling me for years that once I go to college, I no longer technically live at home and I certainly can't come back permanently. And I'm the type of person who loves my extended family, but finds visiting them tiring and to be done sparingly. And I don't really buy into the "rites of passage" thing. So I'm probably not the type of person to be giving advice to anyone even vaguely sentimental or traditional:)!</p>
<p>To all the parents emphasizing family togetherness- guess what, the old family has changed, you now have a young adult who will miss many family activities. As first year partially empty/empty nesters you really notice how different the concept of family is; it is no longer everybody together for major family events- especially noticeable for that S or D's first birthday away from home.</p>
<p>Let your D have veto power, it is her life, she shouldn't have to include her young sibling. I would hate to have her remember move in day as one her sister's needs trumped hers. It is NOT selfish of her to have her first move away from home without having to consider a 4 year old in an adult setting. No matter how easy or hard the move is, there is stress involved- let the older D be able to react without having to edit any tears, etc. for her sister's sake. Remember that the older D's feelings count just as much as her younger sib's. Sometimes an event is special because the whole family wasn't involved.</p>
<p>Pay attention to the teacher's advice (p'3tuitions).</p>
<p>"As first year partially empty/empty nesters you really notice how different the concept of family is; it is no longer everybody together for major family events"</p>
<p>This is true. There will be many milestones where everyone can't be together. That's one of the trade-offs when a child goes a distance for college. My daughter missed her father's 50th birthday party -- she sent a speech for me to read but she couldn't come. It's a big change. It looks to me like the OP has decided how to work it out -- more power to you. I'm sure it will work out. We have to fly to get to our daughter and then spend time on the ground -- it's not affordable for us to all go back on any regular basis. Today I started calling hotels to make a reservation for graduation next May. We would all like to go (there are four kids in our family.) But I discovered one of the cheapest hotels in the area charges $439 a night for graduation with a three night minimum and no refund/cancellation. I think I'm going to find that everywhere.</p>