BS examples used in essay- but I think it's good. What do you think?

<p>Prompt: Can Knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit? </p>

<p>The possession of knowledge will always be advantageous. Knowledge is power, power over difficult circumstances. </p>

<p>When I was five years old, I was the only student in my kindergarten class that could count from one to ten. This proved to my peers that I had a superior intellect. As a result, classmates hailed me as "the king". My prestigious title brought me a sense of pride and boosted my self esteem. My teacher began to notice my classmates' proclamations. And in a bizarre case of psychology, began to fall in line with their way of thinking . She would bring me cookies everyday and would also give me interesting novels to read, for she thought that I was gifted. So, my knowledge of the numbers brought me a supreme advantage over my classmates. </p>

<p>Later in life, I gleamed yet another advantage from my knowledge. I was fifteen and in high school; a freshman. I had had an interesting relationship with my principle, for he was evil, and disliked me for no plausible reason. Then on one day I witnessed him receiving a bribe from a long-standing teacher. The teacher, I later found out, became head of the history department the next week. I walked away from his office without confronting him, for he scared me. The next day though, he called me into his office. His mood was not the usual intense anger, but instead fear persisted throughout his face. He begged me not to tell anyone of what I had seen. I agreed, but on the condition that he would start school an hour later everyday. He agreed. And I became legend throughout the school. </p>

<p>Knowledge is often underrated. For it can gain one considerable joy and success in life. In the end, as Thoreau said, "knowledge is key".</p>

<p>I wouldn’t really rely on personal examples for proof. You generally want at least a historical and literary example.</p>

<p>However is this is just one paragraph for this question and you’d fill it with other examples, then I guess its okay - its something I wouldn’t do/risk. You’re more of telling a story in your examples rather than explicating. This falls under the unorthodox category of writing an SAT essay rather than the tried and true proven examples.</p>

<p>So it could work, but given if your SAT essay grader is only looking for the often used 1 history, 1 literary, 1 current event form and wouldn’t bother looking further to see if your writing is truly innovative like the occasional blue book examples, then you’d be out of luck. I’d say most teachers would give it a 3 or 4, leaning toward 3 because of lack of history/literay examples. </p>

<p>Also you have some fallacies and grammar errors or what not in there like, you say “And I became legend throughout the school.”, on the condition of “not to tell anyone of what I had seen”. You’d have to explain it a little more of why this knowledge to you was a benefit.</p>

<p>yeah your probably right- historical/literary/current events are the best way to go.
The problem is I have trouble recalling those types of example in such a limited amount of time. But I’ll practice, and hopefully get better. Maybe I will come up with a list of pre planned examples, or something. Thanks for the response.</p>

<p>Just a quick tip, I like to use WWI as an example. There’s so much from that period, truth vs. dishonesty: zimmerman telegram, Action vs. Inaction: Russian revolution, Following the crowd: Overall support of war in US etc. The examples don’t even have to be that close to the subject, as long as its somewhat close and you prove it is, then its fine. Like for example, Zimmerman telegram was knowledge that the U.S. had of a planned secret truce between Mexico and Germany. The knowledge proved to be an invaluable asset to the U.S. and sprung them into the war. Although Zimmerman telegram is more associated with dishonesty vs. honesty, I molded it into an argument for knowledge not being a burden. Really I think I’ve used in each of my SAT essays ever written at least one thing from WWI.</p>

<p>Also don’t write about Hitler, JFK, edison, enstein, the stuff that everyone else will write about.</p>