<p>Its my second year in a Commuter School. I go to Queens College In NYC in the borough of Queens. </p>
<p>Im writting this post because Im really bummed out by my almost non-existant social life. </p>
<p>I find myself home most of the time, and I dont that many friends to do things with, I usually have to plan in advance for a day out, and I never get that spontaneous hanging out which Ive heard and seen other people do.</p>
<p>I only have a few friends, and two good friends, but I only hang out with them at their house or go watch a movie with them.</p>
<p>Part of the problem is with me, I am intorverted and I usually need other people to draw me out, I get very nervous and anxious around others and tend to have some self esteem problems.</p>
<p>Ontop of that my school is a commuter school.</p>
<p>What can I do to improve my social life?</p>
<p>I want to go get invited to parties, hang-out late night, go to NYC and see many new things, its frustrating becuase there all in your backyard but you dont have anyone else to go with.</p>
<p>Holy damn, you sound just like me, lol (seriously).</p>
<p>Yeah I know how you feel. I have very little friends here at the university so I rarely get invited to any parties or other social events with other people. And since I'm usually pretty reserved in nature, I don't tend to spontaneously converse with random people. I am a little too conscious around people and for some reason I always find myself fumbling with words because I always feel like I am offending someone if I say the wrong thing. Even when I try to relax and let go a bit with people, I still sometimes accidently offend people with what I say. So it's hard sometimes. I went to a club meeting today and came out of there feeling like I offended someone because of my opinions and such, lol.</p>
<p>If I were you, I would realize that the only way you will get more of a social life is to simply try to meet more people. But do so at the right places. Like club meetings for people who share similar interests or any place you feel more comfortable at. I'm still working on my lack of a social life and I've been here for five semesters now so it's not an overnight project. Keep your chin up and be positive about it. There will be some negative times no doubt, but try to keep relaxed, optimistic, and open-minded around people. Things will get better one day.</p>
<p>I used to be like you, but now i'm a social butterfly..but a guy not a girl lol. Your problem is from within and you have to develop that self-esteem and look highly of yourself...because once you start doing that others will to. Confidence is contagious...trust me I know. When you are confident, you'll see how others will like to hang around and talk to you more..when you are shy and seem 2 much with yourself, people like to stay away from that. </p>
<p>What you can try to do is fake your confidence...and you will eventually persuade yourself. Just say to yourself that you're who everyone wants to be with, etc.</p>
<p>If you don't workout, join a gym...working out builds confidence.</p>
<p>Start conversing with random people until it doesn't become something you shy away from. If you keep dwelling on it and not taking action, things will never change. You won't wakeup one day and be outgoing..it happens over time. Some people grew up being very social while others didn't. You have to realize that if you shoot yourself down before you let others...you've already lost the game. Go out and meet people and eventually it'll be second nature to start conversations anywhere. GL hang in there man...things will be fine.</p>
<p>Yeah I agree. Working out is a good confidence booster. I've been doing it for a year now. I find that it's just a lot easier to find some place where you know you will have things to talk about with people. If I hang out with some random group of people, then I have no idea what to say to them. So I end being quiet the whole time. However, if I'm at some club meeting that I am interested in or even in a class I like, I will tend to talk a little more. So just find your niche and don't worry about talking to everyone. Most people won't click with you anyway (in fact 99% of people won't). So don't think of it as rejection or anything.</p>
<p>Yeah practice keeping your head up high as well...also make yourself look approachable - what I mean by this is, smile if you make eye contact with someone, push your shoulders back and keep your head up..all show confidence but make you seem approachable. I agree with adconard...find something you are interested in to make a common ground to start a conversation upon...which will lead to other things and eventually leading to going out, etc.</p>
<p>Is it okay to go out and explore the city by myself?</p>
<p>If I where to join a club or activity do you think I would find people to have fun on the weekend with?</p>
<p>What I miss is an active social life, when I walk in Nyc I see people they all are walking togther in large groups and its guys and girls all out on a night on the town and partying and having fun and I feel like Im being left behind.</p>
<p>I actually start to feel really bad, it makes me kind of depressed.</p>
<p>All I have is to return home alone. Its hard to remain positive at times, because everytime I go outside it makes me think. But my brother told me pity does nothing for you.</p>
<p>Now I need some confidence along with oppurtunites to meet people. Im going to have to figure out how to raise my confidence. </p>
<p>But where can I meet new people. Plz add to my list.
-Clubs in school
-Organziations in the city
-Job
-Social Clubs/Bars</p>
<p>But you cant go to social clubs alone.</p>
<p>There some places that its difficult to meet new people, such as the movie theather or a pool hall or a Mall. These are places with alot of people but mostly people never talk with strangers.</p>
<p>You can go pretty much anywhere by yourself (except probably at night but why not do it during the afternoon?). And you can meet people anywhere. All it takes is initiative.</p>
<p>There are many clubs in NYC where you can meet people - Avalon on W. 20th and 6th is a personal favorite of mine. Also, find some people you have classes with and ask if they want to talk over the class or just hang out in downtown Flushing where there are plenty of stores (one mall and another under construction plus Main St.), coffee places (really Asian tea places but they have good coffee as well), pool halls and kareoke bars among other things to do. (I'm from Flushing)</p>
<p>Or find people that are more active and go do something in Flushing Meadows (ice skating is good this time of year - the ice rink is near the Tennis Center). Also, use facebook.com, its a wonderful way to meet people at a commuter school.</p>
<p>Hey well you know, you gotta start somewhere right? Who cares if someone thinks you're a loser b/c you're walking around alone or whatever. I don't think anyone will even care in the first place.</p>
<p>What I mean by initiative. Alright try this...</p>
<p>Sit down on a bench in the middle of an area where a lot of people walk by every day. Study people. Study the trees around (if any). Study the wildlife (if any). Study the nearby buildings. Just look at everything as a whole. Directly examine everything. Then something occurs to you. Rarely are people even paying attention to you! And if they do, it's for one measely second! Furthermore, some people look like they could use a friend or someone to talk to based on the look on their faces or general posture. You will know when this happens.</p>
<p>And when it does, this is the time to go over and be a friend to them. All it takes is a simple 'hi' followed by 'very beautiful day out' or something to get everything started. If you're at school and meeting a student, then talk about school. You already got one topic to rely on right there. To make friends, you have to meet people. People are scared to meet a random person, yet it makes their day when a random person meets them. Rarely do people think 'I hope he doesn't meet me'. If this happens, then move on. There are billions of people out there. You got what it takes already, now just do it. Good luck!</p>
<p>actually i'm in a similar situation...liked to party, go out w/ friends..clubbing all theat good stuff...but transferred to a new school and lost in touch with most if not all of my friends...so other than acquaintance and small chat with classmates..dont really have "friends"...basically just keep to myself.sometimes get nervous/anxiety when i'm in big crowds or aorund people i dont know...i just feel weird or awkward going up to some random person and starting up a convo...usually wait till the other person makes the move or starts talking...wouldn't initiate it</p>
<p>Why hold back? Why not be the go-getter yourself? Don't you think other people are thinking the same thing as you are yet they still try anyway? You bet! We have the wonderful advantage of being in college and thus already have one big topic to rely on: college itself. How often do you meet someone new and not able to keep the conversation going after using such a topic? Rarely I would bet.</p>
<p>It is scary. I can relate. Meeting someone new can be quite scary as you're exposed to a whole new type of person each time and don't know anything about their current issues in life (which may imply that they don't want to talk to someone) or what kind of things easily offend them, and so forth. But you must start somewhere. It is essential for overcoming this situation. Initiative can lead to failure, but it always gets you farther than doing nothing in the end. That goes with a lot of other things in life.</p>
<p>I know but that fear is so strong that I just tend to get nervous. That fear keeps stopping me from doing what I know whats good for me. It almost feels like this fear has a grip over my body and I cant seem to relax or be easy around strangers.</p>
<p>In the mean time, I also need to start being postive about myself no matter what I may feel down about, I should try to look at the bright side of things or otherwise I would be upset all the time.</p>