Before you read: I hope nobody is offended by this for that is not my intention. I appreciate anyone who takes time to read and, or review my essay.
Assignment: Do we expect too much from our public figures?
My essay
Society has always respected and appreciated public figures, but when a public figure does something unexpected, civilians lose some respect for this figure. Some people expect government officials to be flawless and others are convinced that all celebrities should be perfect role models.
Too much is expected from public figures, celebrities are entertainers not necessarily role models, although they do not always make the best choices, everybody is their own person who is entitled to their own decisions. If one does not believe the actions of a celebrity are honorable, they do not have to keep tabs on that celebrity or figure. Celebrities are human just like everyone else. All over the world people constantly make the same mistakes public figures do, the only difference involves a flash and a camera lens.
In regards to political issues, even when members of our government are working at their best ability to accomplish all that is humanly possible, the public is still unsatisfied. Presidents have always been hardworking, but our current president did not come into his presidency with a blank canvas. President Obama was and is still responsible for all of the past mistakes that were made before his presidency. Another conflict the public is blaming Obama for is the amount of people that are homeless, but most of the reasons people are homeless are not because of financial issues.
Some would argue that society is not being overly-demanding because public figures know what they are getting themselves into, or that they have prepared themselves to deal with highly stressful situations. These people may also believe public figures are more qualified than themselves, and they should be the only ones to do the job.
Although public figures are human, they are expected to dress or act a certain way because of how many people look up to them or because of the line of work they are in. Expectations like these are held in the civilian world too, the average office worker has to dress professionally, like any public figure, but these office workers are not allowed to act out. If the public is forbidden to be improper, why should public figures be entitled to more freedom?
At first, this may seem unfair, but the average citizen does not have a teeming amount of people looking up to and following them. Because public figures are faced with this issue every day, they clearly deserve more freedom.
We expect too much from public figures, their job is not to be the perfect role model, it is to inform and help us with exigent matters, or in entertainment it is to simply entertain.
Thank you for reading, If you have any advice it would be very appreciated
It’s whether not weather. I’ll start with the first paragraph:
-Your first sentence is false. Public figures are NOT always respected. That’s not even close to true
-you may want to change “unexpected” to something with a more negative connotation. It’s ok though if your point is that we expect too much consistancy from them.
Assuming this met the length requirement (which seems unlikey tbh), maybe this would get a C? In my ap lang class it would probably get a D or D-. If it was an in-class essay, like a timed writing thing, it could be a B. I think it depends a lot on the school. Was this an SAT prompt?
Hmm. You have a big issue with comma usage. If you have two sentences combined with a conjunction, there needs to be a comma (and you can not omit the conjunction). Also, in several places you use a comma when you should be starting a new sentence or using a semi-colon; that’s a comma splice. An educated reader of that essay would have a hard time with the misuse of commas. You CAN misuse commas as a literary device, but that is not what’s going on here.
Then, your essay is kind of all over the place. Here are just some random thoughts after a quick read of your essay:
Why "civilians?" You use this word twice, and both times in an improper way. A "civilian" is a non-military or non-police person. Sometimes you will hear a person in a specific group refer to others outside that group as "civilians", and that is acceptable in that case, but you are referring to any non-public figure as a "civilian", and that is not correct.
The homeless comment about Obama seems to come out of left field. You said "Another conflict." What was the first one? What does assigning a financial reason here have anything to do with whether we put too much stock in the value of celebrities?
Not all public figures are supposed to help us with "exigent" matters. Miley Cyrus is a public figure. She doesn't help us with exigent matters.
I agree with @xcjunior2016 that public figures are not always respected. You could begin that with something like this, "Even the most respected public figures can fall from grace..."
You sort of give two different opinions here and assign them to "society" and "some." You should pick ONE of those stances and fully form your essay around that.
You mention that public figures are "human" two times. I know that you mean that humans are inherently flawed, but you haven't made clear what it is you mean by that, and one could write an essay to show that humans are 'perfect' simply because they are not perfect. So, you are doing too much assuming that the reader will know what you mean and will share your opinion when you say that public figures are human, and by saying it twice, it really stands out (as in like a sore thumb).
Hate to rip this apart so much, but I assume you want this essay to get you something, and as it is, it's a hot mess. It needs a complete re-write and then likely some editing once you re-write it again.
okay thanks a lot i really appreciate it and just so you know I’m a freshman in high school and i got an a on the paper, but really thanks because this will help me with all of my future papers
