Calling all essay critics: Please grade my Essay

<p>Please grade my essay. This is what i wrote for my November SAT. Just want to see if your grades match the actual one. So please criticize and grade my essay. Thanks a lot</p>

<p>ESSAY PROMPT</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment:</p>

<pre><code> On the surface, censorship seems objectionable because it limits our freedom. But all societies need to suppress or restrict information that is offensive or potentially harmful. People depend on the establishment of some limits, some way of making distinctions between what is right and what is wrong. Censorship is actually beneficial to a society because it helps to establish ideals of what is proper in such areas as art, music, and literature.
</code></pre>

<p>ASSIGNMENT:
Should society limit people's exposure to some kinds of information or forms of expression? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>

<p>Limits are needed in life. These limits act as boundaries and hence establish what is acceptable and what is not. Censorship prevents people from expressing or displaying things that are unacceptable.</p>

<p>Censorship varies from country to country and culture to culture. it helps establish social and cultural norms. Countries such as India ban the display of gruesome images on television and movies. This is necessary as people and children alike may be affected by these images. Furthermore there is no other reason for television channels to show such images but to raise their ratings. Moreover scientific study has shown that in countries where gore images such as those of dead bodies are not censored have an increased crime rate. These studies have shown that in such countries the number of deaths by murder is far greater than in countries where such images are censored. Furthermore psychology studies directly relate these murders to the display of violence and gore images by the media. Hence censorship will reduce such crimes.</p>

<p>Other areas where it is necessary to limit people's information is during a threat or other potentially dangerous information by the government. This idea is clearly expresses in the television serial '24'. The serial depicts an incident where the government has information about a nuclear bomb in California. However this information is not revealed to the public to prevent the spread of widespread panic. Eventually the bomb is defused. Had such news reached the public ears then havoc would have been caused. Crime rates would have gone up. Perhaps it would have been more difficult or impossible to defuse the bomb. This hypothetical situation shows us what would happen if certain types of news reaches the public's ear. Hence the government must censure some information in light of the greater good.</p>

<p>Thus we can say that censorship is necessary and important. It protects us from offensive things and potentially harmful news. Censorship provides us with certain limits.</p>

<p>Once a again THANKS.</p>

<p>BUMP </p>

<p>49 views and no replies....please people. Help would be appreciated</p>

<p>Bump :-(....</p>

<p>8 - 10... </p>

<p>your thesis is good but it is good to go over what you will be talking about in your essay in the intro.</p>

<p>the examples are a little weak.... i would say try to avoid saying futhermore and moreover more than once. </p>

<p>your conclusion is too short.</p>

<ol>
<li> You need a longer intro/conclusion, and if you don't, then you will need an extra paragraph to conform to the formula.</li>
</ol>