<p>Congrats on the Iowa acceptance and scholarship! It sounds as if your Dad is buying in. That’s great news. Maybe you should let him know how much you appreciate him and his support - Dads like that (at least this one does, LOL). Butter him up constantly! Because of the quirky laws on financial aid, as long as you are under 24 and not married, you will need his support for all 4 years. </p>
<p>Here’s the deal, and it is important for you to understand this thoroughly - do research and get specific answers for your own situation. As far as I know, THOSE FREE RIDE MERIT SCHOLARSHIPS ARE ONLY AVAILABLE TO FRESHMAN, NOT TRANSFERS. I honestly don’t think that your plan of going to Iowa for freshman year and then applying for a free ride as a transfer is feasible. I’m not sure at what point you no longer qualify for freshman admissions, but I suspect that if you matriculate at Iowa as a freshman into a degree program and get credits your first semester, then you forever forfeit your status as a freshman, and those free rides are no longer available to you. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I think that you need to understand reality in its entirety in order to make good decisions. </p>
<p>Nobody here on CC knows the reality of your situation better than you. Many kids distrust their parents and underestimate the support that their parents will provide, but your case seemed quite extreme and you related genuine evidence of unpredictable behavior. I just don’t know how to evaluate it, nobody here really does. </p>
<p>You have to take an honest look at it. Explain the situation to your mom; she probably has a different perspective. Will your father come through all 4 years. This is most critical. The biggest risk is that your father will withdraw support after you have extinguished your freshman status and have lost the ability to apply for those full rides. The second biggest risk is that you hold out for the free ride and don’t get one, having wasted a potentially good opportunity. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure you have from now until you actually show up and start classes to do this research and figure out all of the subtleties and assess the situation. Be strong!</p>
<p>Jigfeet:
I must concur with CRD on the transfer issue. But I urge you to give Iowa a chance. Go there with the idea that you will spend your next four years there happily. It’s a fine school.</p>
<p>Congratulations on two things: Being accepted to the Honors program at Iowa, and figuring out how to handle your father (at least for the short-term). </p>
<p>I agree with the advice to find a counselor when you get to school to help you put all of this in perspective. </p>
<p>I’m sure no one needs to tell you to be wary of your dad – he might withdraw his financial support at any time. Perhaps continuing to thank him and tell him how grateful you are will make him continue to pay this. </p>
<p>Please keep us informed as the months go by.</p>
<p>When you go to Iowa, learn as much as you can about their scholarships for current students there. Many colleges, particularly public ones, have scholarships that one can earn by getting good grades or having other major accomplishments in your major. It could be worth it to choose a major that offers such possibilities.</p>
<p>Congrats on Iowa, a wonderful choice! True what the other posters are saying about full-ride merit scholarships. But remember, once you are at Iowa you will become familiar with what is available there. </p>
<p>Here’s how you can make the most of your situation, to work towards early independence. Cultivate friends in the honors program, especially. Go out of your way to visit your profs during office hours. They will go to bat for you for future scholarships, recommendation letters and the like. You don’t need to tell them your story just yet. Rather, concentrate on your schoolwork and becoming familiar with what the school offers and what you can offer the school.</p>
<p>It’s been said before but I want to repeat it. You can find help in an Al-anon group for dealing with an alcoholic family. You don’t have to pay a counsellor, it is free (donations accepted). Just going away from home to college will not solve all the problems. When you grow up in a situation like that, it affects the way you think and solve problems and it will be with you for your entire life unless you get help.</p>
<p>Please help me. I am sobbing so hard I just threw up.</p>
<p>My dad just received the billing information for University of Iowa and called me down to say that he cannot afford a 30k school. Even though he knew about the price beforehand…he is refusing to send me to the school. He will not send me to school because he thought it was 30k over 4 years. Even though I told him repeatedly about the cost…I don’t know what to do. I have never been this upset before in my life…I am sobbing and he is screaming at me to stop and saying that I should get my ass out of the house if I am going to behave like a child. It is june 12th. I don’t even know where to begin…guys I have never felt this upset before. My whole everything is crashing down. I am receiving my housing assignment in a week. I have already plans for moving. I need help. I am an emotional wreck and cannot believe he is doing this to me. I need someone to talk to. I feel so alone. Please help me.</p>
<p>Call the admissions department and talk to a financial aid officer: ask them for ideas and assistance. Tell them you are willing to work, take loans do whatever you need to attend, but you will not be getting any support from your father. See what they can do.</p>
<p>So sorry to hear of this latest development! I concur with the suggestion that you talk to the Finaid folks at Iowa. You’ve already received a scholarship, which means they think highly of you. Perhaps they would be willing to increase the scholarship?
Is there any hope that you could be considered a resident after one year? The COA would be less than half that for a non-resident (currently $14k vs. $30k). It would still be more than your Dad is willing to fork over, but might make it more doable with some loans. But try to be present things calmly; can you enlist the help of your GC who might be able to present your case in a less agitated manner than you most likely would?</p>
<p>I agree that you should talk to the U of Iowa to find out if they have any alternatives for you.</p>
<p>Your father is a manipulative person whose word cannot be counted upon. If you rely on him for anything you will repeatedly have your hopes dashed and your heart broken. If he acts like he has changed his mind about Iowa, more than likely, he’ll find another reason to dash your hopes just when you’re getting ready to go away to college.</p>
<p>I am saying this because I not only taught college and had some students whose parents were similar, but I when I was a psychologist, I was involved in the treatment of more than 1,000 alcoholics and their families. I’ve seen your kind of situation again and again.</p>
<p>If you are a Florida resident, use your Bright Futures to go to college in Fla. You should be able to get full tuition at a community college.</p>
<p>If you’re not a Fla. resident, do whatever you need to do to get out of your parents’ house including finding whatever work will support you. Apply to college again, and look for colleges that are likely to give you a full ride – even if that means starting at community college. Relying on yourself will more likely help you to achieve your dreams than would happen if you continue relying on your dad.</p>
<p>Can you go stay with a friend for a few days, or are there relatives - your brother? you can stay with? It sounds to me that you need to get out of the house and make it on your own.</p>
<p>I think the OP should make plans to move out of her family’s home and away from the father. This might mean a relative in another state (make it so it is difficult for the father to just “drop by” often) or moving in with some friends and working for a year or two and going to community college on her own money. Military option also remains open and viable.</p>
<p>I don’t think this father will ever be a financially or emotionally supportive person. He sounds emotionally abusive. (I’m not saying he should or must pay his daughter’s way in college, that is not my stance–I’m saying the constant pulling the rug from under her feet in surprising and unusual ways and his other sulking behaviors are abusive. A parent can simply tell a child upfront they can not or will not pay – his odd behavior is something else.) Time to move out. </p>
<p>For some people, the 4 year college route doesn’t happen right at age 18… but a 4 year education is possible, just maybe not right away. Work and save up, or go into the military – then do college. But do it without your father. Your emotional health is on the line and it is far more important than jumping through your father’s hoops on some remote possibility he actually pays for any part of your college.</p>
<p>OP: I agree with much of what is above, and you may have to redirect your energy to find different solutions. I would say though before you give up on the idea of Iowa, instead of only calling admissions financial office call the honors department!
[Honors</a> Program Home](<a href=“http://honors.uiowa.edu/contact/offices.shtml]Honors”>http://honors.uiowa.edu/contact/offices.shtml) they should be able to tell you if they can help, in what capacity they can help, and at the worst, perhaps you can take a year deferment, move to Iowa, get a job, establish residency and then go in a year. But talk to them about the possibilities.</p>
<p>There are plenty of people and places out there that will help you. Organizations, free counseling: as has been said above, you need to remove yourself form the house, away from the manipulation and take control of your future.</p>
<p>We all wish you the best and I am sure will continue to give you what little support we can via the internet, but you need to find poeple, counselors to give you a hand.</p>
<p>Call the Honors people and ask for help… I am sure they will have some suggestions.</p>
<p>OP : I totally agree with NSM. You’ve got to get out from under your dad’s thumb. Dealing with people like that, one just get strung on and on. It is so draining. </p>
<p>Many years ago I went through what you are going through now. My only solution was to leave. I walked out with 6 large garbage bags of my worldly belongings. It was hard but in the end so freeing. </p>
<p>I made it and have a good life. You sound like a much smarter and capable kid than I was so I know you will.</p>
<p>I relish your help. I feel so drained…I cannot believe he did this to me again. Why do I continue trusting my father? Oh, of course–he is my father. He has said for years “there’s nothing wrong with a 2+2” (CC plus 2 years at a university), but I never assumed he would actually get what he apparently wanted. I am not completely without money, as he WILL pay for community college, as he did it for my brother. I can’t say he will pay for the 2 University years following, but I naively know that the first 2 years are set.</p>
<p>My brother says my only good option is to move back to Iowa and attend Scott in the fall, the comm college he attended. I am just in so much shock because this path is so completely different than my previous one. I had planned on worrying about apartments in 2 years…not in 2 weeks. I don’t see how I can even afford that. I have 5k saved now and work at a terrible mindless retail job. I have not prepared myself to suddenly move out and into an apartment in just 2 months, take on a full-time job, and manage full-time school. Yes, I know, that is life. Welcome to life.</p>
<p>I dislike life.</p>
<p>Everyone says I should take a year off and work…but here is where my spoiled 18 yr old self comes in: I don’t want to do that! I hardly even like summer because I love learning and challenging myself. I can’t bear to take time off of school and just…work. Yes, that is what you do in life, but there is a reason why I chose not to take that path. I was thinking I should go to comm college in a nice place where I will be happy, but those nice places have a high living cost…so I would probably still be better off in cheap Iowa, right?</p>
<p>I wish I had applied to some random Florida school, since I have my 529 prepaid tuition plan there that gaurantees me 4 years, but the deadlines have now passed. Are there any colleges that are still accepting applications? I highly doubt it.</p>
<p>I could always wait a semester (…sadly) and then apply to a college where I could possibly get a full ride, but it still wouldn’t be my selected school, and I hear that transferring universities is difficult and just not the smartest idea.</p>
<p>Basically I have tons of possible solutions but I do not know which to pick, or how to even go about picking one. I don’t do well in uncertain situations…hense why I have been stalking collegeboard for help for years. I just want the best for myself and my future, but I can’t seem to afford that.</p>