<p>I did so. Her mom was extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. This girl has tried to commit suicide twice before and cut herself before. Her mom even knew she was carrying around pills and what she was planning to use them for and didn't take them away! Her brother grabs her ass on a regular basis and she's told him and her mom to make it stop and her mom says it's okay. Her mom blames her for her marital issues and calls her worthless and treats her like **** if she does anything that her mom disagrees with (to the point of where she can get grounded for choosing an elective when her mom thinks she should choose a different one). Her mom isolates her from the world by taking away all forms of outside communication, never lets her go anywhere, and even homeschooled her for a while. This girl has asked for counseling and her mom said "no, if you want to talk to someone you can talk to me." </p>
<p>To me, this sounds like hardcore emotional abuse. However, the mom is Puerto Rican. Apparently, all of this is common and accepted in Puerto Rican culture from what I've heard. </p>
<p>Now, should I feel guilty about possibly getting a child taken away due to cultural differences? If so, I don't. I feel like sinking the island into the ocean. </p>
<p>Should ****ed up cultural practices be defended because they "have a right to maintain their culture?" Should parents be allowed to do things that modern psychology has deemed harmful to the welfare of a child just because it's the norm on some hellish island? China claims that human rights are a cultural phenomenon...should Chinese immigrants be forced to grant their children basic human rights?</p>
<p>I think you did the right thing. The mom seems to be stuck in some sort of backwards society and the daughter doesn’t deserve to suffer the consequences.</p>
<p>There’s no way for me to know from your post whether it was justified, but I would never call child protective services unless the child was in real physical danger. Which she might be, in this case. But I would not call CPS simply due to the parent being “controlling” or “uncaring”. I would definitely get the advice of a responsible adult who knows the situation and who might be able to talk to the family.</p>
<p>But just because you disagree with the things she permits/forbids for her daughter, because you don’t think she is kind to her daughter, isn’t enough to justify calling CPS, in my opinion.</p>
<p>CPS can be devastating to a family (they could put her into a worse situation, or they might anger her parents enough to escalate the abuse, in addition to the obvious tearing apart of a family if it goes though), and thus should only be used when you have absolute reason to believe the child’s life truly is in danger. If you have legitimate reason to believe that your friend’s repeated suicidal behavior is a direct result of her mother’s behavior, then you might have justification. </p>
<p>Ideally, they would all go to counseling together and sort this out, but if the mother is preventing this, her options are kind of limited. If she wants to talk to someone, there are suicide hotlines that she can call, although this won’t replace professional counseling.</p>
<p>There’s a difference between being over-protective and causing your child to feel that suicide is a viable option. Physical abuse is acceptable in other cultures, but emotionally breaking your child normally isn’t.</p>
<p>HOWEVER. Everyone’s idea of what constitutes improper parental behavior is different, and I’m basing all of this on your own possibly skewed retelling. Generally speaking, being grounded is not a serious offense. Calling your child worthless repeatedly steps things up little bit, but doesn’t necessarily warrant a call to CPS (most kids could probably brush this off). Taking away phones and internet and keeping her home without cause is illogical but also doesn’t warrant a call to CPS. Preferential treatment for males can often be observed, but that’s definitely pushing things. The mother’s reasons for preventing access to counseling are probably based more on concerns over money and taboo (psychological counseling may be taken the wrong way among some in other cultures) instead of her desire to emotionally damage her daughter. The only thing I’m really worried about are her two attempts at suicide, but there may be other causes to that (and if this is the case, she needs help in addressing the root causes to her depression). Even the mother’s decision to not take away the pills can be partially explained as a form of “calling the bet” (albeit at a very dangerous level), which is something I’ve seen firsthand.</p>
<p>CPS, lol
The only thing CPS services will do is put your friend into the house of a child molester who will continue to rape the **** out of her for years to come.</p>
<p>Sounds similar to what a large amount of people are subjugated to in my area, (this is a predominantly Hispanic population). I can attest to this and say it is at least somewhat common in Hispanic families, although most are at least a little more lenient than this. Having grown up in an an environment that allows this, but also being educated about family life in other households, I say that emotional abuse that is justified by cultural differences shouldn’t necessarily be allowed. The US frowns on this kind of behavior for a reason. However, I don’t think you should have called CPS simply because it’s such a gamble; yes, she could be taken away from that emotional abuse, but is it really going to be better for her? Is she that unhappy that she’s rather risk being put in an even worse situation? I mean heck, I doubt you talked to her about this, which would have been a lot better. Speaking from experience, I’d say she’s better off in her home since she’s probably used to it, and there’s no telling how much worse off her siblings will be, and if the mother is anything like mine, she’ll probably crack and yell and rave like a madwoman and force the other siblings into an even worse situation if they’re left in the household, or screw them over if CPS comes over and decides not to take anyone.</p>
<p>DSS is one of those things that is necessary for HORRIBLE situations, but most of the time, is WAY overused.</p>
<p>I see how you thought what you did was right, but I don’t know if it was. The mother wasn’t actually being abusive. Sure, she didn’t allow her to go out much, but that’s a parenting choice. Going out into the world isn’t a right, it’s a privilege.</p>
<p>How are you so sure about her mother knowing about the pills? And even if she knows about the pills… that’s neglect.</p>
<p>The brother should be in his own category.</p>
<p>I don’t know… I’ve just heard horror stories about DSS from my dad. He’s a lawyer and has to deal with this stuff all of the time. A lot of times, he’s representing the parents, so I guess I just have a different perspective on this. =/</p>
<p>That behavior is not even slightly common to Puerto Rican homes.</p>
<p>What the **** are you calling Puerto Rico a hellish island for when you clearly know nothing of the culture. Who is telling you these things about Puerto Rican culture? The KKK?</p>
<p>Granted, Hispanic disciplining can be harsh to some because, for some reason, the whole world goes up and arms if someone dares take a chancleta to their kid. What would be common is a no-nonsense attitude towards ridiculous behavior. Not emotional abuse and neglect and your brother playing grab-ass.</p>
<p>^ I’ve talked to 4 puerto rican adults about this, described the situation to them, and none of them were the least bit surprised, and a few even said they had similar experiences with their parents.</p>
<p>Yes, she is, to the point where she’s considering suicide again, which is why I called. I have talked to her about this. She said she would consider it, but was “scared about the alternatives.” The last thing she said to me before she went dark for a week was “I need to get out of this house, it is literally driving me insane.”</p>
<p>So constant belittling of a child and showing love only when they do what you tell them to do isn’t abuse at all? Not stopping her brother from borderline sexually abusing her is fine? Knowing that she has suicidal tendencies because of herself and not trying to save her life isn’t neglect at all?</p>
<p>Do you know for sure that these things are happening? There was a girl in my school who claimed that a lot of this stuff happened to her but it turned out that she was just exaggerating a lot as a result of her desperation for attention.</p>
<p>^ Yes. I’ve witnessed some of the things that have happened. Other things are just secondhand information from her, and could be hyperbole. I do trust her to tell me the truth, although I realize that is irrelevant.</p>
<p>Nope. It’s not. It’s pathetic parenting, but it’s not anything CPS should be involved with.</p>
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<p>This could be serious, and it could just be stupidity. I have no way of knowing one way or another from your post. This is where responsible adults who know everyone involved should come in.</p>
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<p>Do you even know that this is the case? Again, it may or may not be, but it’s not neccesarily something CPS should be involved in. If she’s suicidal, she definitely needs help, but CPS isn’t the help she needs.</p>
<p>From everything you have told us, it seems highly unlikely that CPS could legally even get into the house, not to mention take the daughter. So honestly getting them involved will probably just make a bad situation worse.</p>
<p>Also, how old is she? Because if she’s 15-16 or older, a lot of this really depends on what she does.</p>